CHAPTER XXIII.

Ihavenochance.Byhisdescription,agooddeallikethesecondsizedouble-barrelofmine,whichyoushotwithonedayroundWinthrop.” Therecouldnotbeanobjection.Therecouldbeonlythemostproperalacrity,amostobligingcomplianceforpublicviewandsmilesreinedinandspiritsdancinginprivaterapture.InhalfaminuteCharleswasatthebottomofUnionStreetagain,andtheothertwoproceedingtogether:andsoonwordsenoughhadpassedbetweenthemtodecidetheirdirectiontowardsthecomparativelyquietandretiredgravelwalk,wherethepowerofconversationwouldmakethepresenthourablessingindeed,andprepareitforalltheimmortalitywhichthehappiestrecollectionsoftheirownfuturelivescouldbestow.Theretheyexchangedagainthosefeelingsandthosepromiseswhichhadoncebeforeseemedtosecureeverything,butwhichhadbeenfollowedbysomany,manyyearsofdivisionandestrangement.Theretheyreturnedagainintothepast,moreexquisitelyhappy,perhaps,intheirre-union,thanwhenithadbeenfirstprojectedmoretender,moretried,morefixedinaknowledgeofeachother’scharacter,truth,andattachmentmoreequaltoact,morejustifiedinacting.Andthere,astheyslowlypacedthegradualascent,heedlessofeverygrouparoundthem,seeingneithersaunteringpoliticians,bustlinghousekeepers,flirtinggirls,nornursery-maidsandchildren,theycouldindulgeinthoseretrospectionsandacknowledgements,andespeciallyinthoseexplanationsofwhathaddirectlyprecededthepresentmoment,whichweresopoignantandsoceaselessininterest.Allthelittlevariationsofthelastweekweregonethroughandofyesterdayandtodaytherecouldscarcelybeanend. Shehadnotmistakenhim.JealousyofMrElliothadbeentheretardingweight,thedoubt,thetorment.ThathadbeguntooperateintheveryhouroffirstmeetingherinBaththathadreturned,afterashortsuspension,toruintheconcertandthathadinfluencedhimineverythinghehadsaidanddone,oromittedtosayanddo,inthelastfour-and-twentyhours.Ithadbeengraduallyyieldingtothebetterhopeswhichherlooks,orwords,oractionsoccasionallyencouragedithadbeenvanquishedatlastbythosesentimentsandthosetoneswhichhadreachedhimwhileshetalkedwithCaptainHarvilleandundertheirresistiblegovernanceofwhichhehadseizedasheetofpaper,andpouredouthisfeelings. Ofwhathehadthenwritten,nothingwastoberetractedorqualified.Hepersistedinhavinglovednonebuther.Shehadneverbeensupplanted.Heneverevenbelievedhimselftoseeherequal.Thusmuchindeedhewasobligedtoacknowledge:thathehadbeenconstantunconsciously,nayunintentionallythathehadmeanttoforgether,andbelievedittobedone.Hehadimaginedhimselfindifferent,whenhehadonlybeenangryandhehadbeenunjusttohermerits,becausehehadbeenasuffererfromthem.Hercharacterwasnowfixedonhismindasperfectionitself,maintainingtheloveliestmediumoffortitudeandgentlenessbuthewasobligedtoacknowledgethatonlyatUppercrosshadhelearnttodoherjustice,andonlyatLymehadhebeguntounderstandhimself.AtLyme,hehadreceivedlessonsofmorethanonesort.ThepassingadmirationofMrElliothadatleastrousedhim,andthescenesontheCobbandatCaptainHarville’shadfixedhersuperiority. InhisprecedingattemptstoattachhimselftoLouisaMusgrove(theattemptsofangrypride),heprotestedthathehadforeverfeltittobeimpossiblethathehadnotcared,couldnotcare,forLouisathoughtillthatday,tilltheleisureforreflectionwhichfollowedit,hehadnotunderstoodtheperfectexcellenceofthemindwithwhichLouisa’scouldsoillbearacomparison,ortheperfectunrivalledholditpossessedoverhisown.There,hehadlearnttodistinguishbetweenthesteadinessofprincipleandtheobstinacyofself-will,betweenthedaringsofheedlessnessandtheresolutionofacollectedmind.Therehehadseeneverythingtoexaltinhisestimationthewomanhehadlostandtherebeguntodeplorethepride,thefolly,themadnessofresentment,whichhadkepthimfromtryingtoregainherwhenthrowninhisway. Fromthatperiodhispenancehadbecomesevere.HehadnosoonerbeenfreefromthehorrorandremorseattendingthefirstfewdaysofLouisa’saccident,nosoonerbeguntofeelhimselfaliveagain,thanhehadbeguntofeelhimself,thoughalive,notatliberty. “Ifound,”saidhe,“thatIwasconsideredbyHarvilleanengagedman!ThatneitherHarvillenorhiswifeentertainedadoubtofourmutualattachment.Iwasstartledandshocked.Toadegree,Icouldcontradictthisinstantlybut,whenIbegantoreflectthatothersmighthavefeltthesame—herownfamily,nay,perhapsherself—Iwasnolongeratmyowndisposal.Iwashersinhonourifshewishedit.Ihadbeenunguarded.Ihadnotthoughtseriouslyonthissubjectbefore.IhadnotconsideredthatmyexcessiveintimacymusthaveitsdangerofillconsequenceinmanywaysandthatIhadnorighttobetryingwhetherIcouldattachmyselftoeitherofthegirls,attheriskofraisingevenanunpleasantreport,weretherenootherilleffects.Ihadbeengrosslywrong,andmustabidetheconsequences.” Hefoundtoolate,inshort,thathehadentangledhimselfandthatpreciselyashebecamefullysatisfiedofhisnotcaringforLouisaatall,hemustregardhimselfasboundtoher,ifhersentimentsforhimwerewhattheHarvillessupposed.ItdeterminedhimtoleaveLyme,andawaithercompleterecoveryelsewhere.Hewouldgladlyweaken,byanyfairmeans,whateverfeelingsorspeculationsconcerninghimmightexistandhewent,therefore,tohisbrother’s,meaningafterawhiletoreturntoKellynch,andactascircumstancesmightrequire. “IwassixweekswithEdward,”saidhe,“andsawhimhappy.Icouldhavenootherpleasure.Ideservednone.Heenquiredafteryouveryparticularlyaskedevenifyouwerepersonallyaltered,littlesuspectingthattomyeyeyoucouldneveralter.” Annesmiled,andletitpass.Itwastoopleasingablunderforareproach.Itissomethingforawomantobeassured,inhereight-and-twentiethyear,thatshehasnotlostonecharmofearlieryouthbutthevalueofsuchhomagewasinexpressiblyincreasedtoAnne,bycomparingitwithformerwords,andfeelingittobetheresult,notthecauseofarevivalofhiswarmattachment. HehadremainedinShropshire,lamentingtheblindnessofhisownpride,andtheblundersofhisowncalculations,tillatoncereleasedfromLouisabytheastonishingandfelicitousintelligenceofherengagementwithBenwick. “Here,”saidhe,“endedtheworstofmystatefornowIcouldatleastputmyselfinthewayofhappinessIcouldexertmyselfIcoulddosomething.Buttobewaitingsolongininaction,andwaitingonlyforevil,hadbeendreadful.WithinthefirstfiveminutesIsaid,‘IwillbeatBathonWednesday,’andIwas.Wasitunpardonabletothinkitworthmywhiletocome?andtoarrivewithsomedegreeofhope?Youweresingle.Itwaspossiblethatyoum