Chapter XXV

fullhouse.It’llbeabigsuccess.ThehallwillholdfourhundredpeopleandIthinktherewon’tbestandingroom.Idaresayyou’llhavetoaddressanoverflowmeetingattheForrestersHallafterwards.” “I’lladdressanynumberofmeetingsyoulike,”repliedEdward. Berthagrewmoreandmorenervous.Sheanticipatedahorriblecollapsetheydidnotknow—asshedid—howlimitedwasEdward’sintelligence!Shewantedtostayathomesoastoavoidtheordeal,butMr.Bacothadreservedforheraprominentseatontheplatform. “Areyounervous,Eddie?”shesaid,feelingmorekindlydisposedtohimfromhisapproachingtrial. “Me,nervous?WhathaveIgottobenervousabout?” Thehallwasindeedcrammedwiththemosteager,smelly,enthusiasticcrowdBerthahadeverseen.Thegas-jetsflarednoisily,throwingcrudelightsonthepeople,sailors,tradesmen,labourers,andboys.Ontheplatform,inasemi-circleliketheimmortalgods,satthenotabilitiesoftheneighborhood,Conservativestothebackbone.Berthalookedroundwithapprehension,buttriedtocalmherselfwiththethoughtthattheywerestupidpeopleandshehadnocausetotremblebeforethem. PresentlytheVicartookthechairandinafewwell-chosenwordsintroducedMr.Craddock. “Mr.Craddock,likegoodwine,needsnobush.Youallknowhim,andanintroductionissuperfluous.Stillitiscustomaryonsuchanoccasiontosayafewwordsonbehalfofthecandidate,andIhavegreatpleasure,&c.,&c....” NowEdwardrosetohisfeet,andBertha’sbloodrancold.Shedarednotlookattheaudience.Headvancedwithhishandsinhispockets—hehadinsistedondressinghimselfupinafrock-coatandthemostdismalpepper-and-salttrousers. “Mr.Chairman,LadiesandGentlemen—UnaccustomedtopublicspeakingasIam....” Berthalookedupwithastart.Couldamanattheendofthenineteenthcentury,seriouslybeginanorationwiththosewords!Buthewasnotjokinghewentongravely,and,lookingaround,Berthacaughtnottheshadowofasmile.Edwardwasnotintheleastnervous,hequicklygotintotheswingofhisspeech—anditwasterrible!Heintroducedeveryhackneyedphraseheknew,hemingledslangincongruouslywithpompouslanguageandhissillyjokes,chestnutsofgreatantiquity,madeBerthawritheandshudder.Shewonderedthathecouldgoonwithsuchself-possession.Didhenotseethathewasmakinghimselfperfectlyabsurd!ShedarednotlookupforfearofcatchingthesniggersofMrs.BrandertonandoftheHancocks:“OneseeswhathewasbeforehemarriedMissLey.Ofcoursehe’saquiteuneducatedman....Iwonderhiswifedidnotpreventhimfrommakingsuchanexhibitionofhimself.Thegrammarofit,mydearandthejokes,andthestories!!!” Berthaclenchedherhands,furiousbecausetheflushofshamewouldnotleavehercheeks.Thespeechwasevenworsethanshehadexpected.Heusedthelongestwords,and,gettingentangledinhisownverbosity,wasobligedtoleavehissentenceunfinished.Hebeganaperiodwithanelaborate