Chapter XXV

flourishandwaddledinconfusiontothetamestcommonplace:hewaslikeamanwhosetouttoexploretheAndesandthen,changinghismind,tookastrollintheBurlingtonArcade.Howlongwoulditbe,askedBertha,beforetheaudiencebrokeintojeersandhisses?Sheblessedthemfortheirpatience.Andwhatwouldhappenafterwards?WouldMr.BacotaskEdwardtowithdrawfromthecandidature?AndsupposingEdwardrefused,woulditbenecessarytotellhimthathewasreallytoogreatafool?Berthasawalreadythecovertsneersofherneighbours. “Oh,Iwishhe’dfinish!”shemutteredbetweenherteeth.Theagony,thehumiliationofit,wereunendurable. ButEdwardwasstilltalking,andgavenosignsofanapproachingtermination.Berthathoughtmiserablythathehadalwaysbeenlong-winded:ifhewouldonlysitdownquicklythefailuremightnotbeirreparable.Hemadeavilepunandeveryonecried,Oh!Oh!Berthashiveredandsetherteethshemustbearittotheendnow—whywouldn’thesitdown?ThenEdwardtoldanagriculturalstory,andtheaudienceshoutedwithlaughter.ArayofhopecametoBertha:perhapshisabsolutevulgaritymightsavehimwiththevulgarpeoplewhoformedthegreatbodyoftheaudience.ButwhatmusttheBrandertons,andtheMolsons,andtheHancocks,andalltherestofthem,besaying?Theymustutterlydespisehim. Butworsewastofollow.Edwardcametohisperoration,andafewremarksoncurrentpolitics(ofwhichhewasentirelyignorant)broughthimtohisCountry,England,HomeandBeauty.Heturnedthetapofpatriotismfullonitgurgledinastream.HeblewthepennytrumpetsofEnglishpurity,andthetinwhistlesoftheBritishEmpire,andhebeatthebigdrumoftheGreatAnglo-SaxonRace.HethankedGodhewasanEnglishman,andnotasothersare.TommyAtkins,andJackTar,andMr.RudyardKipling,dancedajigtothestrainsoftheBritishGrenadiersandMr.JosephChamberlainexecutedapasseultotheairofYankeeDoodle.Lastly,hewavedtheUnionJack. Thehideoussentimentality,andthebadtasteandthecommonnessmadeBerthaashamed:itwashorribletothinkhowignoblemustbethemindofamanwhocouldfoulhismouthwiththeexpressionofsuchsentiments. FinallyEdwardsatdown.Foronemomenttheaudienceweresilent—fortheshortestinstantandthenwithonethroat,brokeintothunderousapplause.Itwasnoperfunctoryclappingofhandstheyroseasoneman,andshoutedandyelledwithenthusiasm. “GoodoldTeddy,”criedavoice.Andthentheairwasfilledwith:Forhe’sajollygoodfellow.Mrs.BrandertonstoodonachairandwavedherhandkerchiefMissGloverclappedherhandsasifshewerenolongeranautomaton. “Wasn’titperfectlysplendid?”shewhisperedtoBertha. Everyoneontheplatformwasinafrenzyofdelight.Mr.BacotwarmlyshookEdward’shand.Mrs.MaystonRylefannedherselfdesperately.Thescenemaywellbedescribed,inthelanguageofjournalists,asoneofunparalleledenthusiasm.Berthawasdumbfounded. Mr.Bacotjumpe