Chapter XXIII

rherchild’sdeathhadceasedinsensibly,andinhermisery,inherloneliness,shehadfoundanewfaith.Beliefwithsomecomesandgoeswithoutreason:withthemitisamatternotofconviction,butratherofsensibilityandBerthafoundprayereasierinCatholicchurchesthaninthecheerlessmeeting-housesshehadbeenusedto.Shecouldnotutterstatedwordsatstatedhoursinameaninglesschorusthecrowdcausedhertoshutawayheremotions,andherheartcouldexpandonlyinsolitude.InParisshehadfoundquietchapels,openatallhours,towhichshecouldgoforrestwhenthesunwithoutwasover-dazzlingandintheevening,thedimness,thefragranceofoldincense,andthesilence,wereveryrestful.Thentheonlylightcamefromthetapers,burningingratitudeorinhope,throwingafitful,mysteriousglimmerandBerthaprayedearnestlyforEdwardandforherself. ButEdwardwouldnotlethimselfbeloved,andhereffortsallwereuseless.Herlovewasajewelthathevaluednotatall,thatheflungasideandcarednotifhelost.Butshewastoounhappy,toobrokeninspirit,tobeangry.Whatwastheuseofanger?SheknewthatEdwardwouldseenothingextraordinaryinwhathehaddone.Hewouldreturn,confident,well-pleasedwithhimselfafteragoodnight’srest,andentirelyunawarethatshehadbeengrievouslyhurt. “Isupposetheinjusticeisonmyside.Iamtooexacting.Ican’thelpit.” Sheonlyknewonewaytolove,andthat,itappearedwasafoolishway.“Oh,IwishIcouldgoawayagainnow—forever.” Shegotupandateasolitarybreakfast,busyingherselfafterwardsinthehouse.Edwardhadleftwordthathewouldbeintoluncheon,andwasitnothispridetokeephisword?ButallherimpatiencehadgoneBerthafeltnownoparticularanxietytoseehim.Shewasonthepointofgoingout—theairwaswarmandbalmy—butdidnot,incaseEdwardshouldreturnandbedisappointedatherabsence. “WhatafoolIamtothinkofhisfeelings!IfI’mnotin,he’lljustgoabouthisworkandthinknothingmoreofmetillIappear.” But,notwithstanding,shestayed.Hearrivedatlast,andshedidnothurrytomeethimshewasputtingthingsawayinherbedroom,andcontinuedthoughsheheardhisvoicebelow.Thedifferencewascuriousbetweenherintenseandalmostpainfulexpectationofthepreviousdayandthispresentunconcern.Sheturnedashecamein,butdidnotmovetowardshim. “Soyou’vecomeback?Didyouenjoyyourself?” “Yes,rather.ButIsay,it’srippingtohaveyouhome.Youweren’tinawaxatmynotbeinghere?” “Ohno,”shesaid,smilin