Chapter XXIII

,hatinghim,asshethought,forgood.Butherabsencehavingrevivedherlove,shehadreturned,yearningforreconciliation.Andhewasnotthereheactedasthoughshehadbeentotownforaday’sshopping. “Oh,God,whatafoolIwastocome!” Suddenlyshethoughtofgoingawaythereandthen—woulditnotbeeasier?Shefeltshecouldnotseehim.Buttherewerenotrains:theLondon,Chatham,andDoverRailwayhasperhapssavedmanyanelopement.Buthemusthaveknownhowbitterlydisappointedshewouldbe,andtheideaflashedthroughherthathewouldleavethetournamentandcomehome.PerhapshewasalreadyatCourtLeys,waitingshetookfreshcourage,andlookedatthewell-rememberedscene.Hemightbeatthegate.Oh,whatjoyitwouldbe,whatarelief!Buttheycametothegate,andhewasnottheretheydrovetotheportico,andhewasnotthere.Berthawentintothehouseexpectingtofindhiminthehallorinthedrawing-room,nothavingheardthecarriage,buthewasnowheretobefound.Andtheservantscorroboratedhisletter. Thehousewasempty,chill,andinhospitabletheroomshadanuninhabitedair,thefurniturewasprimlyrearranged,andEdwardhadcausedantimacassarstobeplacedonthechairs.TheseBertha,tothehousemaids’surprise,tookoffonebyone,and,withoutaword,threwintotheemptyfireplace.AndstillshethoughtitincrediblethatEdwardshouldstayaway.Shesatdowntodinner,expectinghimeverymomentshesatupverylate,feelingsurethateventuallyhewouldcome.Butstillhecamenot. “IwishtoGodI’dstayedaway.” Herthoughtswentbacktothestruggleofthelastfewweeks.Pride,anger,reason,everythinghadbeenononeside,andonlyloveontheotherandlovehadconquered.TherecollectionofEdwardhadbeenseldomabsentfromher,andherdreamshadbeenfilledwithhisimage.Hislettershadcausedheranindescribablethrill,themeresightofhishandwritinghadmadehertremble,andshewantedtoseehimshewokeupatnightwithhiskissesonherlips.Shebeggedhimtocome,andhewouldnotorcouldnot.Atlasttheyearninggrewbeyondcontrolandthatverymorning,nothavingreceivedthelettersheawaited,shehadresolvedtothrowoffallpretenceofresentment,andcome.WhatdidshecareifMissLeylaughed,orifEdwardscoredavictoryinthestruggle—shecouldnotlivewithouthim.Hestillwasherlifeandherlove. “Oh,God,IwishIhadn’tcome.” SherememberedhowshehadprayedthatEdwardmightloveherasshewishedtobeloved,beseechingGodtograntherhappiness.Thepassionaterebellionafte