XXV

LadySusantoMrs.Johnson. Churchhill. Icallonyou,dearAlicia,forcongratulations:Iammyownself,gayandtriumphant!WhenIwrotetoyoutheotherdayIwas,intruth,inhighirritation,andwithamplecause.Nay,IknownotwhetherIoughttobequitetranquilnow,forIhavehadmoretroubleinrestoringpeacethanIeverintendedtosubmitto—aspirit,too,resultingfromafanciedsenseofsuperiorintegrity,whichispeculiarlyinsolent!Ishallnoteasilyforgivehim,Iassureyou.HewasactuallyonthepointofleavingChurchhill!Ihadscarcelyconcludedmylast,whenWilsonbroughtmewordofit.Ifound,therefore,thatsomethingmustbedoneforIdidnotchoosetoleavemycharacteratthemercyofamanwhosepassionsaresoviolentandsorevengeful.Itwouldhavebeentriflingwithmyreputationtoallowofhisdepartingwithsuchanimpressioninmydisfavourinthislight,condescensionwasnecessary.IsentWilsontosaythatIdesiredtospeakwithhimbeforehewenthecameimmediately.Theangryemotionswhichhadmarkedeveryfeaturewhenwelastpartedwerepartiallysubdued.Heseemedastonishedatthesummons,andlookedasifhalfwishingandhalffearingtobesoftenedbywhatImightsay.IfmycountenanceexpressedwhatIaimedat,itwascomposedanddignifiedandyet,withadegreeofpensivenesswhichmightconvincehimthatIwasnotquitehappy.“Ibegyourpardon,sir,forthelibertyIhavetakeninsendingforyou,”saidI“butasIhavejustlearntyourintentionofleavingthisplaceto-day,Ifeelitmydutytoentreatthatyouwillnotonmyaccountshortenyourvisithereevenanhour.Iamperfectlyawarethatafterwhathaspassedbetweenusitwouldillsuitthefeelingsofeithertoremainlongerinthesamehouse:soverygreat,sototalachangefromtheintimacyoffriendshipmustrenderanyfutureintercoursetheseverestpunishmentandyourresolutionofquittingChurchhillis