II

LadySusanVernontoMrs.Johnson. Langford. Youweremistaken,mydearAlicia,insupposingmefixedatthisplacefortherestofthewinter:itgrievesmetosayhowgreatlyyouweremistaken,forIhaveseldomspentthreemonthsmoreagreeablythanthosewhichhavejustflownaway.Atpresent,nothinggoessmoothlythefemalesofthefamilyareunitedagainstme.YouforetoldhowitwouldbewhenIfirstcametoLangford,andMainwaringissouncommonlypleasingthatIwasnotwithoutapprehensionsformyself.Iremembersayingtomyself,asIdrovetothehouse,“Ilikethisman,prayHeavennoharmcomeofit!”ButIwasdeterminedtobediscreet,tobearinmindmybeingonlyfourmonthsawidow,andtobeasquietaspossible:andIhavebeenso,mydearcreatureIhaveadmittednoone’sattentionsbutMainwaring’s.IhaveavoidedallgeneralflirtationwhateverIhavedistinguishednocreaturebesides,ofallthenumbersresortinghither,exceptSirJamesMartin,onwhomIbestowedalittlenotice,inordertodetachhimfromMissMainwaringbut,iftheworldcouldknowmymotivetheretheywouldhonourme.Ihavebeencalledanunkindmother,butitwasthesacredimpulseofmaternalaffection,itwastheadvantageofmydaughterthatledmeonandifthatdaughterwerenotthegreatestsimpletononearth,ImighthavebeenrewardedformyexertionsasIought. SirJamesdidmakeproposalstomeforFredericabutFrederica,whowasborntobethetormentofmylife,chosetosetherselfsoviolentlyagainstthematchthatIthoughtitbettertolayasidetheschemeforthepresent.IhavemorethanoncerepentedthatIdidnotmarryhimmyselfandwerehebutonedegreelesscontemptiblyweakIcertainlyshould:butImustownmyselfratherromanticinthatrespect,andthatrichesonlywillnotsatisfyme