CHAPTER XLVI

dreadedlestsheshouldlearntobeinsensibleofit.Tobegoingsosoon,sentforsokindly,sentforasacomfort,andwithleavetotakeSusan,wasaltogethersuchacombinationofblessingsassetherheartinaglow,andforatimeseemedtodistanceeverypain,andmakeherincapableofsuitablysharingthedistressevenofthosewhosedistressshethoughtofmost.Julia’selopementcouldaffecthercomparativelybutlittleshewasamazedandshockedbutitcouldnotoccupyher,couldnotdwellonhermind.Shewasobligedtocallherselftothinkofit,andacknowledgeittobeterribleandgrievous,oritwasescapingher,inthemidstofalltheagitatingpressingjoyfulcaresattendingthissummonstoherself. Thereisnothinglikeemployment,activeindispensableemployment,forrelievingsorrow.Employment,evenmelancholy,maydispelmelancholy,andheroccupationswerehopeful.Shehadsomuchtodo,thatnoteventhehorriblestoryofMrs.Rushworth(nowfixedtothelastpointofcertainty),couldaffectherasithaddonebefore.Shehadnottimetobemiserable.Withintwenty-fourhoursshewashopingtobegoneherfatherandmothermustbespokento,Susanprepared,everythinggotready.Businessfollowedbusinessthedaywashardlylongenough.Thehappinessshewasimparting,too,happinessverylittlealloyedbytheblackcommunicationwhichmustbrieflyprecedeit—thejoyfulconsentofherfatherandmothertoSusan’sgoingwithher—thegeneralsatisfactionwithwhichthegoingofbothseemedregarded,andtheecstasyofSusanherself,wasallservingtosupportherspirits. TheafflictionoftheBertramswaslittlefeltinthefamily.Mrs.Pricetalkedofherpoorsisterforafewminutes,buthowtofindanythingtoholdSusan’sclothes,becauseRebeccatookawayalltheboxesandspoiltthem,wasmuchmoreinherthoughts:andasforSusan,nowunexpectedlygratifiedinthefirstwishofherheart,andknowingnothingpersonallyofthosewhohadsinned,orofthosewhoweresorrowing—ifshecouldhelprejoicingfrombeginningtoend,itwasasmuchasoughttobeexpectedfromhumanvirtueatfourteen. AsnothingwasreallyleftforthedecisionofMrs.Price,orthegoodofficesofRebecca,everythingwasrationallyanddulyaccomplished,andthegirlswerereadyforthemorrow.Theadvantageofmuchsleeptopreparethemfortheirjourneywasimpossible.Thecousinwhowastravellingtowardsthemcouldhardlyhavelessthanvisitedtheiragitatedspirits—oneallhappiness,theotherallvaryingandindescribableperturbation. ByeightinthemorningEdmundwasinthehouse.Thegirlsheardhisentrancefromabove,andFannywentdown.Theideaofimmediatelyseeinghim,withtheknowledgeofwhathemustbesuffering,broughtbackallherownfirstfeelings.Hesonearher,andinmisery.Shewasreadytosinkassheenteredtheparlour.Hewasalone,andmetherinstantlyandshefoundherselfpressedtohisheartwithonlythesewords,justarticulate,“MyFanny,myonlysistermyonlycomfortnow!”Shecouldsaynothingnorforsomeminutescouldhesaymore. Heturnedawaytorecoverhimself,andwhenhespokeagain,thoughhisvoicestillfaltered,hismannershewedthewishofself-command,andtheresolutionofavoidinganyfartherallusion.“Haveyoubreakfasted?Whenshallyoubeready?DoesSusango?”werequestionsfollowingeachotherrapidly.Hisgreatobjectwastobeoffassoonaspossible.WhenMansfieldwasconsidered,timewaspreciousandthestateofhisownmindmadehimfindreliefonlyinmotion.Itwassettledthatheshouldorderthecarriagetothedoorinhalfanhour.Fannyansweredfortheirhavingbreakfastedandbeingquitereadyinhalfanhour.Hehadalreadyate,anddeclinedstayingfortheirmeal.Hewouldwalkroundtheramparts,andjointhemwiththecarriage.HewasgoneagaingladtogetawayevenfromFanny. Helookedveryillevidentlysufferingunderviolentemotions,whichhewasdeterminedtosuppress.Sheknewitmustbeso,butitwasterriblet