CHAPTER XLV

ubstitutedforliberty,freshness,fragrance,andverdure,wasinfinitelyworse:buteventheseincitementstoregretwerefeeble,comparedwithwhatarosefromtheconvictionofbeingmissedbyherbestfriends,andthelongingtobeusefultothosewhowerewantingher! Couldshehavebeenathome,shemighthavebeenofservicetoeverycreatureinthehouse.Shefeltthatshemusthavebeenofusetoall.ToallshemusthavesavedsometroubleofheadorhandandwereitonlyinsupportingthespiritsofherauntBertram,keepingherfromtheevilofsolitude,orthestillgreaterevilofarestless,officiouscompanion,tooapttobeheighteningdangerinordertoenhanceherownimportance,herbeingtherewouldhavebeenageneralgood.Shelovedtofancyhowshecouldhavereadtoheraunt,howshecouldhavetalkedtoher,andtriedatoncetomakeherfeeltheblessingofwhatwas,andpreparehermindforwhatmightbeandhowmanywalksupanddownstairsshemighthavesavedher,andhowmanymessagesshemighthavecarried. ItastonishedherthatTom’ssisterscouldbesatisfiedwithremaininginLondonatsuchatime,throughanillnesswhichhadnow,underdifferentdegreesofdanger,lastedseveralweeks.TheymightreturntoMansfieldwhentheychosetravellingcouldbenodifficultytothem,andshecouldnotcomprehendhowbothcouldstillkeepaway.IfMrs.Rushworthcouldimagineanyinterferingobligations,JuliawascertainlyabletoquitLondonwhenevershechose.Itappearedfromoneofheraunt’slettersthatJuliahadofferedtoreturnifwanted,butthiswasall.Itwasevidentthatshewouldratherremainwhereshewas. FannywasdisposedtothinktheinfluenceofLondonverymuchatwarwithallrespectableattachments.ShesawtheproofofitinMissCrawford,aswellasinhercousinsherattachmenttoEdmundhadbeenrespectable,themostrespectablepartofhercharacterherfriendshipforherselfhadatleastbeenblameless.Wherewaseithersentimentnow?ItwassolongsinceFannyhadhadanyletterfromher,thatshehadsomereasontothinklightlyofthefriendshipwhichhadbeensodwelton.ItwasweekssinceshehadheardanythingofMissCrawfordorofherotherconnexionsintown,exceptthroughMansfield,andshewasbeginningtosupposethatshemightneverknowwhetherMr.CrawfordhadgoneintoNorfolkagainornottilltheymet,andmightneverhearfromhissisteranymorethisspring,whenthefollowingletterwasreceivedtoreviveoldandcreatesomenewsensations— “Forgiveme,mydearFanny,assoonasyoucan,formylongsilence,andbehaveasifyoucouldforgivemedirectly.Thisismymodestrequestandexpectation,foryouaresogood,thatIdependuponbeingtreatedbetterthanIdeserve,andIwritenowtobeganimmediateanswer.IwanttoknowthestateofthingsatMansfieldPark,andyou,nodoubt,areperfectlyabletogiveit.OneshouldbeabrutenottofeelforthedistresstheyareinandfromwhatIhear,poorMr.Bertramhasabadchanceofultimaterecovery.Ithoughtlittleofhisillnessatfirst.Ilookedupon