CHAPTER XLV

avingPortsmouthtillafterit.Itcame,andshehadyetheardnothingofherreturn—nothingevenofthegoingtoLondon,whichwastoprecedeherreturn.Herauntoftenexpressedawishforher,buttherewasnonotice,nomessagefromtheuncleonwhomalldepended.Shesupposedhecouldnotyetleavehisson,butitwasacruel,aterribledelaytoher.TheendofAprilwascomingonitwouldsoonbealmostthreemonths,insteadoftwo,thatshehadbeenabsentfromthemall,andthatherdayshadbeenpassinginastateofpenance,whichshelovedthemtoowelltohopetheywouldthoroughlyunderstandandwhocouldyetsaywhentheremightbeleisuretothinkoforfetchher? Hereagerness,herimpatience,herlongingstobewiththem,weresuchastobringalineortwoofCowper’sTirociniumforeverbeforeher.“Withwhatintensedesireshewantsherhome,”wascontinuallyonhertongue,asthetruestdescriptionofayearningwhichshecouldnotsupposeanyschoolboy’sbosomtofeelmorekeenly. WhenshehadbeencomingtoPortsmouth,shehadlovedtocallitherhome,hadbeenfondofsayingthatshewasgoinghomethewordhadbeenverydeartoher,andsoitstillwas,butitmustbeappliedtoMansfield.Thatwasnowthehome.PortsmouthwasPortsmouthMansfieldwashome.Theyhadbeenlongsoarrangedintheindulgenceofhersecretmeditations,andnothingwasmoreconsolatorytoherthantofindherauntusingthesamelanguage:“IcannotbutsayImuchregretyourbeingfromhomeatthisdistressingtime,soverytryingtomyspirits.Itrustandhope,andsincerelywishyoumayneverbeabsentfromhomesolongagain,”weremostdelightfulsentencestoher.Still,however,itwasherprivateregale.Delicacytoherparentsmadehercarefulnottobetraysuchapreferenceofheruncle’shouse.Itwasalways:“WhenIgobackintoNorthamptonshire,orwhenIreturntoMansfield,Ishalldosoandso.”Foragreatwhileitwasso,butatlastthelonginggrewstronger,itoverthrewcaution,andshefoundherselftalkingofwhatsheshoulddowhenshewenthomebeforeshewasaware.Shereproachedherself,coloured,andlookedfearfullytowardsherfatherandmother.Sheneednothavebeenuneasy.Therewasnosignofdispleasure,orevenofhearingher.TheywereperfectlyfreefromanyjealousyofMansfield.Shewasaswelcometowishherselfthereastobethere. ItwassadtoFannytoloseallthepleasuresofspring.ShehadnotknownbeforewhatpleasuresshehadtoloseinpassingMarchandAprilinatown.Shehadnotknownbeforehowmuchthebeginningsandprogressofvegetationhaddelightedher.Whatanimation,bothofbodyandmind,shehadderivedfromwatchingtheadvanceofthatseasonwhichcannot,inspiteofitscapriciousness,beunlovely,andseeingitsincreasingbeautiesfromtheearliestflowersinthewarmestdivisionsofheraunt’sgarden,totheopeningofleavesofheruncle’splantations,andthegloryofhiswoods.Tobelosingsuchpleasureswasnotrifletobelosingthem,becauseshewasinthemidstofclosenessandnoise,tohaveconfinement,badair,badsmells,s