Chapter 5. BOFFIN’S BOWER

edsandgrammar-books.I’mgettingtobeaoldbird,andIwanttotakeiteasy.ButIwantsomereading—somefineboldreading,somesplendidbookinagorgingLord-Mayor’s-Showofwollumes’(probablymeaninggorgeous,butmisledbyassociationofideas)‘as’llreachrightdownyourpintofview,andtaketimetogobyyou.HowcanIgetthatreading,Wegg?By,’tappinghimonthebreastwiththeheadofhisthickstick,‘payingamantrulyqualifiedtodoit,somuchanhour(saytwopence)tocomeanddoit.’ ‘Hem!Flattered,sir,Iamsure,’saidWegg,beginningtoregardhimselfinquiteanewlight.‘Hew!Thisistheofferyoumentioned,sir?’ ‘Yes.Doyoulikeit?’ ‘Iamconsideringofit,MrBoffin.’ ‘Idon’t,’saidBoffin,inafree-handedmanner,‘wanttotiealiteraryman—withawoodenleg—downtootight.Ahalfpennyanhourshan’tpartus.Thehoursareyourowntochoose,afteryou’vedoneforthedaywithyourhousehere.IliveoverMaiden-Laneway—outHollowaydirection—andyou’veonlygottogoEast-and-by-Northwhenyou’vefinishedhere,andyou’rethere.Twopencehalfpennyanhour,’saidBoffin,takingapieceofchalkfromhispocketandgettingoffthestooltoworkthesumonthetopofitinhisownway‘twolong’unsandashort’un—twopencehalfpennytwoshort’unsisalong’unandtwotwolong’unsisfourlong’uns—makingfivelong’unssixnightsaweekatfivelong’unsanight,’scoringthemalldownseparately,‘andyoumountuptothirtylong’uns.Around’un!Halfacrown!’ Pointingtothisresultasalargeandsatisfactoryone,MrBoffinsmeareditoutwithhismoistenedglove,andsatdownontheremains. ‘Halfacrown,’saidWegg,meditating.‘Yes.(Itain’tmuch,sir.)Halfacrown.’ ‘Perweek,youknow.’ ‘Perweek.Yes.Astotheamountofstrainupontheintellectnow.Wasyouthinkingatallofpoetry?’MrWegginquired,musing. ‘Woulditcomedearer?’MrBoffinasked. ‘Itwouldcomedearer,’MrWeggreturned.‘Forwhenapersoncomestogrindoffpoetrynightafternight,itisbutrightheshouldexpecttobepaidforitsweakeningeffectonhismind.’ ‘TotellyouthetruthWegg,’saidBoffin,‘Iwasn’tthinkingofpoetry,exceptinsofurasthis:—IfyouwastohappennowandthentofeelyourselfinthemindtotipmeandMrsBoffinoneofyourballads,whythenweshoulddropintopoetry.’ ‘Ifollowyou,sir,’saidWegg.‘Butnotbeingaregularmusicalprofessional,IshouldbeloathtoengagemyselfforthatandthereforewhenIdroppedintopoetry,Ishouldasktobeconsideredsofur,inthelightofafriend.’ Atthis,MrBoffin’seyessparkled,andheshookSilasearnestlybythehand:protestingthatitwasmorethanhecouldhaveasked,andthathetookitverykindlyindeed. ‘Whatdoyouthinkoftheterms,Wegg?’MrBoffinthendemanded,withunconcealedanxiety. Silas,whohadstimulatedthisanxietybyhishardreserveofmanner,andwhohadbeguntounderstandhismanverywell,repliedwithanairasifheweresayingsomethingextraordinarilygenerousandgreat: ‘MrBoffin,Ineverbargain.’ ‘SoIshouldhavethoughtofyou!’saidMrBoffin,admiringly.‘No,sir.Ineverdid‘aggleandIneverwill‘aggle.ConsequentlyImeetyouatonce,freeandfair,with—Done,fordoublethemoney!’ MrBoffinseemedalittleunpreparedforthisconclusion,butassented,withtheremark,‘YouknowbetterwhatitoughttobethanIdo,Wegg,’andagainshookhandswithhimuponit. ‘Couldyoubegintonight,Wegg?’hethendemanded. ‘Yes,sir,’saidMrWegg,carefultoleavealltheeagernesstohim.‘Iseenodifficultyifyouwishit.Youareprovidedwiththeneedfulimplement—abook,sir?’ ‘Boughthimatasale,’saidMrBoffin.‘Eightwollumes.Redandgold.Purpleribbonineverywollume,tokeeptheplacewhereyouleaveoff.Doyouknowhim?’ ‘Thebook’sname,sir?’inquiredSilas. ‘Ithoughtyoumighthaveknow’dhimwithoutit,’saidMrBoffinslightlydisappointed.‘HisnameisDecline-And-Fall-Off-The-Rooshan-Empire.’(MrBoffinwentoverthesestonesslowlyandwithmuchcaution.) ‘Ayindeed!’saidMrWegg,noddinghisheadwithanairoffriendlyrecognition. ‘Youknowhim,Wegg?’ ‘Ihaven’tbeennottosayrightslapthroughhim,verylately,’MrWeggmadeanswer,‘havingbeenotherwaysemployed,MrBoffin.Butknowhim?OldfamiliardecliningandfallingofftheRooshan?Rather,sir!EversinceIwasnotsohighasyourstick.Eversincemyeldestbrotherleftourcottagetoenlistintothearmy.Onwhichoccasion,astheballadthatwasmadeaboutitdescribes: ‘Besidethatcottagedoor,MrBoffin, Agirlwasonherknees Sheheldaloftasnowyscarf,Sir, Which(myeldestbrothernoticed)flutteredinthebreeze. Shebreathedaprayerforhim,MrBoffin Aprayerhecooldnothear. Andmyeldestbrotherlean’duponhissword,MrBoffin, Andwipedawayatear.’ Muchimpressedbythisfamilycircumstance,andalsobythefriendlydispositionofMrWegg,asexemplifiedinhissosoondroppingintopoetry,MrBoffinagainshookhandswiththatligneoussharper,andbesoughthimtonamehishour.MrWeggnamedeight. ‘WhereIlive,’saidMrBoffin,‘iscalledTheBower.Boffin’sBoweristhenameMrsBoffinchristeneditwhenwecomeintoitasaproperty.Ifyoushouldmeetwithanybodythatdon’tknowitbythatname(whichhardlyanybodydoes),whenyou’vegotnighuponaboutaoddmile,orsayandaquarterifyoulike,upMaidenLane,BattleBridge,askforHarmonyJail,andyou’llbeputright.Ishallexpectyou,Wegg,’saidMrBoffin,clappinghimontheshoulderwiththegreatestenthusiasm,‘mostjoyfully.Ishallhavenopeaceorpatiencetillyoucome.Printisnowopeningaheadofme.Thisnight,aliteraryman—withawoodenleg—’hebestowedanadmiringlookuponthatdecoration,asifitgreatlyenhancedtherelishofMrWegg’sattainments—‘willbegintoleadmeanewlife!Myfistagain,Wegg.Morning,morning,morning!’ Leftaloneathisstallastheotherambledoff,MrWeggsubsidedintohisscreen,producedasmallpocket-handkerchiefofapenitentially-scrubbingcharacter,andtookhimselfbythenosewithathoughtfulaspect.Also,whilehestillgraspedthatfeature,hedirectedseveralthoughtfullooksdownthestreet,aftertheretiringfigureofMrBoffin.But,profoundgravitysatenthronedonWegg’scountenance.For,whileheconsideredwithinhimselfthatthiswasanoldfellowofraresimplicity,thatthiswasanopportunitytobeimproved,andthatheremightbemoneytobegotbeyondpresentcalculation,stillhecompromisedhimselfbynoadmissionthathisnewengagementwasatalloutofhisway,orinvolvedtheleastelementoftheridiculous.MrWeggwouldevenhavepickedahandsomequarrelwithanyonewhoshouldhavechallengedhisdeepacquaintancewiththoseaforesaideightvolumesofDeclineandFall.Hisgravitywasunusual,portentous,andimmeasurable,notbecauseheadmittedanydoubtofhimselfbutbecauseheperceiveditnecessarytoforestallanydoubtofhimselfinothers.Andhereinherangedwiththatverynumerousclassofimpostors,whoarequiteasdeterminedtokeepupappearancestothemselves,astotheirneighbours. Acertainloftiness,likewise,tookpossessionofMrWeggacondescendingsenseofbeinginrequestasanoffic