Chapter 5. BOFFIN’S BOWER

artyoldcock,too,’saidMrWegg,asbefore‘Goodmorningtoyou,sir.’ ‘Doyourememberme,then?’askedhisnewacquaintance,stoppinginhisamble,one-sided,beforethestall,andspeakinginapoundingway,thoughwithgreatgood-humour. ‘Ihavenoticedyougopastourhouse,sir,severaltimesinthecourseofthelastweekorso.’ ‘Ourhouse,’repeatedtheother.‘Meaning—?’ ‘Yes,’saidMrWegg,nodding,astheotherpointedtheclumsyforefingerofhisrightgloveatthecornerhouse. ‘Oh!Now,what,’pursuedtheoldfellow,inaninquisitivemanner,carryinghisknottedstickinhisleftarmasifitwereababy,‘whatdotheyallowyounow?’ ‘It’sjobworkthatIdoforourhouse,’returnedSilas,drily,andwithreticence‘it’snotyetbroughttoanexactallowance.’ ‘Oh!It’snotyetbroughttoanexactallowance?No!It’snotyetbroughttoanexactallowance.Oh!—Morning,morning,morning!’ ‘Appearstoberatheracrackedoldcock,’thoughtSilas,qualifyinghisformergoodopinion,astheotherambledoff.But,inamomenthewasbackagainwiththequestion: ‘Howdidyougetyourwoodenleg?’ MrWeggreplied,(tartlytothispersonalinquiry),‘Inanaccident.’ ‘Doyoulikeit?’ ‘Well!Ihaven’tgottokeepitwarm,’MrWeggmadeanswer,inasortofdesperationoccasionedbythesingularityofthequestion. ‘Hehasn’t,’repeatedtheothertohisknottedstick,ashegaveitahug‘hehasn’tgot—ha!—ha!—tokeepitwarm!DidyoueverhearofthenameofBoffin?’ ‘No,’saidMrWegg,whowasgrowingrestiveunderthisexamination.‘IneverdidhearofthenameofBoffin.’ ‘Doyoulikeit?’ ‘Why,no,’retortedMrWegg,againapproachingdesperation‘Ican’tsayIdo.’ ‘Whydon’tyoulikeit?’ ‘Idon’tknowwhyIdon’t,’retortedMrWegg,approachingfrenzy,‘butIdon’tatall.’ ‘Now,I’lltellyousomethingthat’llmakeyousorryforthat,’saidthestranger,smiling.‘Myname’sBoffin.’ ‘Ican’thelpit!’returnedMrWegg.Implyinginhismannertheoffensiveaddition,‘andifIcould,Iwouldn’t.’ ‘Butthere’sanotherchanceforyou,’saidMrBoffin,smilingstill,‘DoyoulikethenameofNicodemus?Thinkitover.Nick,orNoddy.’ ‘Itisnot,sir,’MrWeggrejoined,ashesatdownonhisstool,withanairofgentleresignation,combinedwithmelancholycandour‘itisnotanameasIcouldwishanyonethatIhadarespectfor,tocallmebybuttheremaybepersonsthatwouldnotviewitwiththesameobjections.—Idon’tknowwhy,’MrWeggadded,anticipatinganotherquestion. ‘NoddyBoffin,’saidthatgentleman.‘Noddy.That’smyname.Noddy—orNick—Boffin.What’syourname?’ ‘SilasWegg.—Idon’t,’saidMrWegg,bestirringhimselftotakethesameprecautionasbefore,‘Idon’tknowwhySilas,andIdon’tknowwhyWegg.’ ‘Now,Wegg,’saidMrBoffin,hugginghisstickcloser,‘Iwanttomakeasortofoffertoyou.Doyourememberwhenyoufirstseeme?’ ThewoodenWegglookedathimwithameditativeeye,andalsowithasoftenedairasdescryingpossibilityofprofit.‘Letmethink.Iain’tquitesure,andyetIgenerallytakeapowerfulsightofnotice,too.WasitonaMondaymorning,whenthebutcher-boyhadbeentoourhousefororders,andboughtaballadofme,which,beingunacquaintedwiththetune,Irunitovertohim?’ ‘Right,Wegg,right!Butheboughtmorethanone.’ ‘Yes,tobesure,sirheboughtseveralandwishingtolayouthismoneytothebest,hetookmyopiniontoguidehischoice,andwewentoverthecollectiontogether.Tobesurewedid.Herewashimasitmightbe,andherewasmyselfasitmightbe,andtherewasyou,MrBoffin,asyouidenticallyare,withyourself-samestickunderyourverysamearm,andyourverysamebacktowardsus.To—be—sure!’addedMrWegg,lookingalittleroundMrBoffin,totakehimintherear,andidentifythislastextraordinarycoincidence,‘yourweryself-sameback!’ ‘WhatdoyouthinkIwasdoing,Wegg?’ ‘Ishouldjudge,sir,thatyoumightbeglancingyoureyedownthestreet.’ ‘No,Wegg.Iwasalistening.’ ‘Wasyou,indeed?’saidMrWegg,dubiously. ‘Notinadishonourableway,Wegg,becauseyouwassingingtothebutcherandyouwouldn’tsingsecretstoabutcherinthestreet,youknow.’ ‘ItneverhappenedthatIdidsoyet,tothebestofmyremembrance,’saidMrWegg,cautiously.‘ButImightdoit.Amancan’tsaywhathemightwishtodosomedayoranother.’(This,nottoreleaseanylittleadvantagehemightderivefromMrBoffin’savowal.) ‘Well,’repeatedBoffin,‘Iwasalisteningtoyouandtohim.Andwhatdoyou—youhaven’tgotanotherstool,haveyou?I’mratherthickinmybreath.’ ‘Ihaven’tgotanother,butyou’rewelcometothis,’saidWegg,resigningit.‘It’satreattometostand.’ ‘Lard!’exclaimedMrBoffin,inatoneofgreatenjoyment,ashesettledhimselfdown,stillnursinghissticklikeababy,‘it’sapleasantplace,this!Andthentobeshutinoneachside,withtheseballads,likesomanybook-leafblinkers!Why,itsdelightful!’ ‘IfIamnotmistaken,sir,’MrWeggdelicatelyhinted,restingahandonhisstall,andbendingoverthediscursiveBoffin,‘youalludedtosomeofferoranotherthatwasinyourmind?’ ‘I’mcomingtoit!Allright.I’mcomingtoit!IwasgoingtosaythatwhenIlistenedthatmorning,Ilistenedwithhadmirationamountingtohaw.Ithoughttomyself,“Here’samanwithawoodenleg—aliterarymanwith—“’ ‘N—notexactlyso,sir,’saidMrWegg. ‘Why,youknoweveryoneofthesesongsbynameandbytune,andifyouwanttoreadortosinganyoneon‘emoffstraight,you’veonlytowhiponyourspectaclesanddoit!’criedMrBoffin.‘Iseeyouatit!’ ‘Well,sir,’returnedMrWegg,withaconsciousinclinationofthehead‘we’llsayliterary,then.’ ‘“Aliteraryman—withawoodenleg—andallPrintisopentohim!”That’swhatIthoughttomyself,thatmorning,’pursuedMrBoffin,leaningforwardtodescribe,uncrampedbytheclotheshorse,aslargeanarcashisrightarmcouldmake‘“allPrintisopentohim!”Anditis,ain’tit?’ ‘Why,truly,sir,’MrWeggadmitted,withmodesty‘Ibelieveyoucouldn’tshowmethepieceofEnglishprint,thatIwouldn’tbeequaltocollaringandthrowing.’ ‘Onthespot?’saidMrBoffin. ‘Onthespot.’ ‘Iknow’dit!Thenconsiderthis.HereamI,amanwithoutawoodenleg,andyetallprintisshuttome.’ ‘Indeed,sir?’MrWeggreturnedwithincreasingself-complacency.‘Educationneglected?’ ‘Neg—lected!’repeatedBoffin,withemphasis.‘Thatain’tnowordforit.Idon’tmeantosaybutwhatifyoushowedmeaB,Icouldsofargiveyouchangeforit,astoanswerBoffin.’ ‘Come,come,sir,’saidMrWegg,throwinginalittleencouragement,‘that’ssomething,too.’ ‘It’ssomething,’answeredMrBoffin,‘butI’lltakemyoathitain’tmuch.’ ‘Perhapsit’snotasmuchascouldbewishedbyaninquiringmind,sir,’MrWeggadmitted. ‘Now,lookhere.I’mretiredfrombusiness.MeandMrsBoffin—HeneriettyBoffin—whichherfather’snamewasHenery,andhermother’snamewasHetty,andsoyougetit—weliveonacompittance,underthewillofadiseasedgovernor.’ ‘Gentlemandead,sir?’ ‘Manalive,don’tItellyou?Adiseasedgovernor?Now,it’stoolateformetobeginshovellingandsiftingatalphab