CHAPTER XXX. RUSHEDGE—A CONFESSIONAL.

therIhaveunderstoodyou,Mr.Moore.' "AndIhadtogooverthewholeproposaltwice,andworditasplainlyasABC,beforeshewouldfullytakeitin.Andthen,whatdidshedo?InsteadoffalteringasweetYes,ormaintainingasoft,confusedsilence(whichwouldhavebeenasgood),shestartedup,walkedtwicefastthroughtheroom,inthewaythatsheonlydoes,andnootherwoman,andejaculated,'Godblessme!' "Yorke,Istoodonthehearth,backedbythemantelpieceagainstitIleaned,andpreparedforanything—everything.Iknewmydoom,andIknewmyself.Therewasnomisunderstandingheraspectandvoice.Shestoppedandlookedatme. "'Godblessme!'shepiteouslyrepeated,inthatshocked,indignant,yetsaddenedaccent.'Youhavemadeastrangeproposal—strangefromyouandifyouknewhowstrangelyyouwordeditandlookedit,youwouldbestartledatyourself.Youspokelikeabrigandwhodemandedmypurseratherthanlikealoverwhoaskedmyheart.' "Aqueersentence,wasitnot,Yorke?AndIknew,assheutteredit,itwastrueasqueer.HerwordswereamirrorinwhichIsawmyself. "Ilookedather,dumbandwolfish.Sheatonceenragedandshamedme. "'GérardMoore,youknowyoudon'tloveShirleyKeeldar.'Imighthavebrokenoutintofalseswearing—vowedthatIdidloveherbutIcouldnotlieinherpureface.Icouldnotperjuremyselfinhertruthfulpresence.Besides,suchhollowoathswouldhavebeenvainasvoid.ShewouldnomorehavebelievedmethanshewouldhavebelievedtheghostofJudas,hadhebrokenfromthenightandstoodbeforeher.Herfemalehearthadfinerperceptionsthantobecheatedintomistakingmyhalf-coarse,half-coldadmirationfortrue-throbbing,manlylove. "Whatnexthappened?youwillsay,Mr.Yorke. "Why,shesatdowninthewindow-seatandcried.Shecriedpassionately.Hereyesnotonlyrainedbutlightened.Theyflashed,open,large,dark,haughty,uponme.Theysaid,'Youhavepainedmeyouhaveoutragedmeyouhavedeceivedme.' "Sheaddedwordssoontolooks. "'Ididrespect—Ididadmire—Ididlikeyou,'shesaid—'yes,asmuchasifyouweremybrotherandyou—youwanttomakeaspeculationofme.Youwouldimmolatemetothatmill,yourMoloch!' "Ihadthecommonsensetoabstainfromanywordofexcuse,anyattemptatpalliation.Istoodtobescorned. "Soldtothedevilforthetimebeing,Iwascertainlyinfatuated.WhenIdidspeak,whatdoyouthinkIsaid? "'Whatevermyownfeelingswere,Iwaspersuadedyoulovedme,MissKeeldar.' "Beautiful,wasitnot?Shesatquiteconfounded.'IsitRobertMoorethatspeaks?'Iheardhermutter.'Isitaman—orsomethinglower?' "'Doyoumean,'sheaskedaloud—'doyoumeanyouthoughtIlovedyouaswelovethosewewishtomarry?' "Itwasmymeaning,andIsaidso. "'Youconceivedanideaobnoxioustoawoman'sfeelings,'washeranswer.'Youhaveannounceditinafashionrevoltingtoawoman'ssoul.YouinsinuatethatallthefrankkindnessIhaveshownyouhasbeenacomplicated,abold,andanimmodestman?uvretoensnareahusband.Youimplythatatlastyoucomehereoutofpitytooffermeyourhand,becauseIhavecourtedyou.Letmesaythis:Yoursightisjaundicedyouhaveseenwrong.Yourmindiswarpedyouhavejudgedwrong.Yourtonguebetraysyouyounowspeakwrong.Ineverlovedyou.Beatrestthere.Myheartisaspureofpassionforyouasyoursisbarrenofaffectionforme.' "IhopeIwasanswered,Yorke? "'Iseemtobeablind,besottedsortofperson,'wasmyremark. "'Lovedyou!'shecried.'Why,Ihavebeenasfrankwithyouasasister—nevershunnedyou,neverfearedyou.Youcannot,'sheaffirmedtriumphantly—'youcannotmakemetremblewithyourcoming,noracceleratemypulsebyyourinfluence.' "Iallegedthatoften,whenshespoketome,sheblushed,andthatthesoundofmynamemovedher. "'Notforyoursake!'shedeclaredbriefly.Iurgedexplanation,butcouldgetnone. "'WhenIsatbesideyouattheschoolfeast,didyouthinkIlovedyouthen?WhenIstoppedyouinMaythornLane,didyouthinkIlovedyouthen?WhenIcalledonyouinthecounting-house,whenIwalkedwithyouonthepavement,didyouthinkIlovedyouthen?' "SoshequestionedmeandIsaidIdid. "BytheLord!Yorke,sherose,shegrewtall,sheexpandedandrefinedalmosttoflame.Therewasatremblingallthroughher,asinlivecoalwhenitsvividvermilionishottest. "'ThatistosaythatyouhavetheworstopinionofmethatyoudenymethepossessionofallIvaluemost.ThatistosaythatIamatraitortoallmysistersthatIhaveactedasnowomancanactwithoutdegradingherselfandhersexthatIhavesoughtwheretheincorruptofmykindnaturallyscornandabhortoseek.'SheandIweresilentformanyaminute.'Lucifer,StaroftheMorning,'shewenton,'thouartfallen!You,oncehighinmyesteem,arehurleddownyou,onceintimateinmyfriendship,arecastout.Go!' "Iwentnot.Ihadheardhervoicetremble,seenherlipquiver.Iknewanotherstormoftearswouldfall,andthenIbelievedsomecalmandsomesunshinemustcome,andIwouldwaitforit. "Asfast,butmorequietlythanbefore,thewarmrainstreameddown.Therewasanothersoundinherweeping—asofter,moreregretfulsound.WhileIwatched,hereyesliftedtomeagazemorereproachfulthanhaughty,moremournfulthanincensed. "'OMoore!'saidshe.Itwasworsethan'Ettu,Brute!' "Irelievedmyselfbywhatshouldhavebeenasigh,butitbecameagroan.AsenseofCain-likedesolationmademybreastache. "'TherehasbeenerrorinwhatIhavedone,'Isaid,'andithaswonmebitterwages,whichIwillgoandspendfarfromherwhogavethem.' "Itookmyhat.AllthetimeIcouldnothavebornetodepartso,andIbelievedshewouldnotletme.NorwouldshebutforthemortalpangIhadgivenherpride,thatcowedhercompassionandkepthersilent. "IwasobligedtoturnbackofmyownaccordwhenIreachedthedoor,toapproachher,andtosay,'Forgiveme.' "'Icould,iftherewas