CHAPTER XXX. RUSHEDGE—A CONFESSIONAL.

orke?" "Byeverytoken—bythelightofhereyes,theredofhercheeks.Redtheygrewwhenyournamewasmentioned,thoughofcustomtheyarepale." "Mychanceisquiteover,Isuppose?" "Itoughttobe.Buttryitisworthtrying.IcallthisSirPhilipmilkandwater.Andthenhewritesverses,theysay—tagsrhymes.Youareabovethat,Bob,atallevents." "Wouldyouadvisemetopropose,lateasitis,Mr.Yorke—attheeleventhhour?" "Youcanbutmaketheexperiment,Robert.Ifshehasafancyforyou—and,onmyconscience,Ibelieveshehasorhad—shewillforgivemuch.But,mylad,youarelaughing.Isitatme?Youhadbettergrinatyourownperverseness.Isee,however,youlaughatthewrongsideofyourmouth.Youhaveassouralookatthismomentasoneneedwishtosee." "Ihavesoquarrelledwithmyself,Yorke.Ihavesokickedagainstthepricks,andstruggledinastraitwaistcoat,anddislocatedmywristswithwrenchingtheminhandcuffs,andbatteredmyhardheadbydrivingitagainstaharderwall." "Ha!I'mgladtohearthat.Sharpexerciseyon!Ihopeithasdoneyougood—ta'ensomeoftheself-conceitoutofyou?" "Self-conceit?Whatisit?Self-respect,self-toleranceeven,whatarethey?Doyousellthearticles?Doyouknowanybodywhodoes?Giveanindication.Theywouldfindinmealiberalchapman.Iwouldpartwithmylastguineathisminutetobuy." "Isitsowithyou,Robert?Ifindthatspicy.Ilikeamantospeakhismind.Whathasgonewrong?" "Themachineryofallmynaturethewholeengineryofthishumanmilltheboiler,whichItaketobetheheart,isfittoburst." "Thatsuldbeputteni'printit'sstriking.It'salmostblankverse.Ye'llbejinglingintopoetryjuste'now.Iftheafflatuscomes,giveway,Robert.NeverheedmeI'llbearitthiswhet[time]." "Hideous,abhorrent,baseblunder!Youmaycommitinamomentwhatyouwillrueforyears—whatlifecannotcancel." "Lad,goon.Icallitpie,nuts,sugar-candy.Ilikethetasteuncommonly.Goon.Itwilldoyougoodtotalk.Themoorisbeforeusnow,andthereisnolifeformanyamileround." "Iwilltalk.Iamnotashamedtotell.Thereisasortofwildcatinmybreast,andIchoosethatyoushallhearhowitcanyell." "Tomeitismusic.WhatgrandvoicesyouandLouishave!WhenLouissings—tonesofflikeasoft,deepbell—I'vefeltmyselftrembleagain.Thenightisstill.Itlistens.Itisjustleaningdowntoyou,likeablackpriesttoablackerpenitent.Confess,lad.Smoothnaughtdown.Becandidasaconvicted,justified,sanctifiedMethodyatanexperiencemeeting.MakeyourselfaswickedasBeelzebub.Itwilleaseyourmind." "AsmeanasMammon,youwouldsay.Yorke,ifIgotoffhorsebackandlaidmyselfdownacrosstheroad,wouldyouhavethegoodnesstogallopoverme,backwardsandforwards,abouttwentytimes?" "Wi'allthepleasureinlife,iftherewerenosuchthingasacoroner'sinquest." "HiramYorke,Icertainlybelievedshelovedme.Ihaveseenhereyessparkleradiantlywhenshehasfoundmeoutinacrowdshehasflushedupcrimsonwhenshehasofferedmeherhand,andsaid,'Howdoyoudo,Mr.Moore?' "Mynamehadamagicalinfluenceoverher.Whenothersuttereditshechangedcountenance—Iknowshedid.Shepronounceditherselfinthemostmusicalofhermanymusicaltones.Shewascordialtomeshetookaninterestinmeshewasanxiousaboutmeshewishedmewellshesought,sheseizedeveryopportunitytobenefitme.Iconsidered,paused,watched,weighed,wondered.Icouldcometobutoneconclusion—thisislove. "Ilookedather,Yorke.Isawinheryouthandaspeciesofbeauty.Isawpowerinher.Herwealthofferedmetheredemptionofmyhonourandmystanding.Iowedhergratitude.Shehadaidedmesubstantiallyandeffectuallybyaloanoffivethousandpounds.CouldIrememberthesethings?CouldIbelieveshelovedme?CouldIhearwisdomurgemetomarryher,anddisregardeverydearadvantage,disbelieveeveryflatteringsuggestion,disdaineverywell-weighedcounsel,turnandleaveher?Young,graceful,gracious—mybenefactress,attachedtome,enamouredofme.Iusedtosaysotomyselfdwellonthewordmouthitoverandoveragainswelloveritwithapleasant,pompouscomplacency,withanadmirationdedicatedentirelytomyself,andunimpairedevenbyesteemforherindeedIsmiledindeepsecrecyatherna?vetéandsimplicityinbeingthefirsttolove,andtoshowit.Thatwhipofyoursseemstohaveagoodheavyhandle,Yorkeyoucanswingitaboutyourheadandknockmeoutofthesaddle,ifyouchoose.Ishouldratherrelishalounderingwhack." "Takpatience,Robert,tillthemoonrisesandIcanseeyou.Speakplainout—didyouloveherornot?Icouldliketoknow.Ifeelcurious." "Sir—sir—Isay—sheisverypretty,inherownstyle,andveryattractive.Shehasalook,attimes,ofathingmadeoutoffireandair,atwhichIstandandmarvel,withoutathoughtofclaspingandkissingit.Ifeltinherapowerfulmagnettomyinterestandvanity.Ineverfeltasifnaturemeanthertobemyotherandbetterself.Whenaquestiononthatheadrusheduponme,Iflungitoff,sayingbrutallyIshouldberichwithherandruinedwithouther—vowingIwouldbepractical,andnotromantic." "Averysensibleresolve.Whatmischiefcameofit,Bob?" "WiththissensibleresolveIwalkeduptoFieldheadonenightlastAugust.ItwastheveryeveofmydepartureforBirminghamfor,yousee,IwantedtosecureFortune'ssplendidprize.Ihadpreviouslydispatchedanoterequestingaprivateinterview.Ifoundherathome,andalone. "Shereceivedmewithoutembarrassment,forshethoughtIcameonbusiness.Iwasembarrassedenough,butdetermined.IhardlyknowhowIgottheoperationoverbutIwenttoworkinahard,firmfashion—frightfulenough,Idaresay.Isternlyofferedmyself—myfineperson—withmydebts,ofcourse,asasettlement. "Itvexedme,itkindledmyire,tofindthatsheneitherblushed,trembled,norlookeddown.Sheresponded,'Idoubtwhe