CHAPTER XXX. RUSHEDGE—A CONFESSIONAL.

notmyselftoforgivetoo,'washerreply'buttomisleadasagaciousmansofarImusthavedonewrong.' "IbrokeoutsuddenlywithsomedeclamationIdonotremember.Iknowthatitwassincere,andthatmywishandaimweretoabsolvehertoherself.Infact,inhercaseself-accusationwasachimera. "Atlastsheextendedherhand.ForthefirsttimeIwishedtotakeherinmyarmsandkissher.Ididkissherhandmanytimes. "'Somedayweshallbefriendsagain,'shesaid,'whenyouhavehadtimetoreadmyactionsandmotivesinatruelight,andnotsohorriblytomisinterpretthem.Timemaygiveyoutherightkeytoall.Then,perhaps,youwillcomprehendme,andthenweshallbereconciled.' "Farewelldropsrolledslowdownhercheeks.Shewipedthemaway. "'Iamsorryforwhathashappened—deeplysorry,'shesobbed.SowasI,Godknows!Thuswerewesevered." "Aqueertale!"commentedMr.Yorke. "I'lldoitnomore,"vowedhiscompanion"nevermorewillImentionmarriagetoawomanunlessIfeellove.Henceforthcreditandcommercemaytakecareofthemselves.Bankruptcymaycomewhenitlists.Ihavedonewithslavishfearofdisaster.Imeantoworkdiligently,waitpatiently,bearsteadily.Lettheworstcome,Iwilltakemyaxeandanemigrant'sberth,andgooutwithLouistotheWestheandIhavesettledit.NowomanshalleveragainlookatmeasMissKeeldarlooked,everagainfeeltowardsmeasMissKeeldarfelt.Innowoman'spresencewillIeveragainstandatoncesuchafoolandsuchaknave,suchabruteandsuchapuppy." "Tut!"saidtheimperturbableYorke,"youmaketoomuchofitbutstill,Isay,Iamcapped.Firstly,thatshedidnotloveyouandsecondly,thatyoudidnotloveher.Youarebothyoungyouarebothhandsomeyouarebothwellenoughforwitandevenfortemper—takeyouontherightside.Whatailedyouthatyoucouldnotagree?" "Weneverhavebeen,nevercouldbeathomewitheachother,Yorke.Admireeachotheraswemightatadistance,stillwejarredwhenwecameverynear.Ihavesatatonesideofaroomandobservedherattheother,perhapsinanexcited,genialmoment,whenshehadsomeofherfavouritesroundher—heroldbeaux,forinstance,yourselfandHelstone,withwhomsheissoplayful,pleasant,andeloquent.Ihavewatchedherwhenshewasmostnatural,mostlively,andmostlovelymyjudgmenthaspronouncedherbeautiful.Beautifulsheisattimes,whenhermoodandherarraypartakeofthesplendid.Ihavedrawnalittlenearer,feelingthatourtermsofacquaintancegavemetherightofapproach.Ihavejoinedthecircleroundherseat,caughthereye,andmasteredherattentionthenwehaveconversedandothers,thinkingme,perhaps,peculiarlyprivileged,havewithdrawnbydegrees,andleftusalone.Werewehappythusleft?Formyself,ImustsayNo.AlwaysafeelingofconstraintcameovermealwaysIwasdisposedtobesternandstrange.Wetalkedpoliticsandbusiness.Nosoftsenseofdomesticintimacyeveropenedourhearts,orthawedourlanguageandmadeitfloweasyandlimpid.Ifwehadconfidences,theywereconfidencesofthecounting-house,notoftheheart.Nothinginhercherishedaffectioninme,mademebetter,gentlersheonlystirredmybrainandwhettedmyacuteness.Shenevercreptintomyheartorinfluenceditspulseandforthisgoodreason,nodoubt,becauseIhadnotthesecretofmakingherloveme." "Well,lad,itisaqueerthing.Imightlaughatthee,andreckontodespisethyrefinementsbutasitisdarknightandwearebyourselves,Idon'tmindtellingtheethatthytalkbringsbackaglimpseofmyownpastlife.Twenty-fiveyearsagoItriedtopersuadeabeautifulwomantoloveme,andshewouldnot.Ihadnotthekeytohernatureshewasastonewalltome,doorlessandwindowless." "Butyoulovedher,YorkeyouworshippedMaryCave.Yourconduct,afterall,wasthatofaman—neverofafortune-hunter." "Ay,Ididloveherbutthenshewasbeautifulasthemoonwedonotseeto-night.Thereisnaughtlikeherinthesedays.MissHelstone,maybe,hasalookofher,butnobodyelse." "Whohasalookofher?" "Thatblack-coatedtyrant'sniece—thatquiet,delicateMissHelstone.ManyatimeIhaveputonmyspectaclestolookatthelassieinchurch,becauseshehasgentleblueeen,wi'longlashesandwhenshesitsinshadow,andisverystillandverypale,andis,happen,abouttofallasleepwi'thelengthofthesermonandtheheatofthebiggin',sheisaslikeoneofCanova'smarblesasaughtelse." "WasMaryCaveinthatstyle?" "Fargrander!—lesslass-likeandflesh-like.Youwonderedwhyshehadn'twingsandacrown.Shewasastately,peacefulangelwasmyMary." "Andyoucouldnotpersuadehertoloveyou?" "NotwithallIcoulddo,thoughIprayedHeavenmanyatime,onmybendedknees,tohelpme." "MaryCavewasnotwhatyouthinkher,Yorke.Ihaveseenherpictureattherectory.Sheisnoangel,butafair,regular-featured,taciturn-lookingwoman—rathertoowhiteandlifelessformytaste.But,supposingshehadbeensomethingbetterthanshewas——" "Robert,"interruptedYorke,"Icouldfellyouoffyourhorseatthismoment.However,I'llholdmyhand.ReasontellsmeyouarerightandIamwrong.IknowwellenoughthatthepassionIstillhaveisonlytheremnantofanillusion.IfMissCavehadpossessedeitherfeelingorsense,shecouldnothavebeensoperfectlyimpassibletomyregardassheshowedherselfshemusthavepreferredmetothatcopper-faceddespot." "Supposing,Yorke,shehadbeeneducated(nowomenwereeducatedinthosedays)supposingshehadpossessedathoughtful,originalmind,aloveofknowledge,awishforinformation,whichshetookanartlessdelightinreceivingfromyourlips,andhavingmeasuredouttoherbyyourhandsupposingherconversation,whenshesatatyourside,wasfertile,varied,imbuedwithapicturesquegraceandgenialinterest,quietflowingbutclearandbounteoussupposingthatwhenyoustoodnearherbychance,orwhenyousatnearherbydesign,comfortatoncebe