CHAPTER XX. THE FAREWELL

ome,andthelastservice.Iwasoftenonthepointofmeltingintotearsduringthesermon—thelastIwastohearfromhim:thebestIshouldhearfromanyone,Iwaswellassured.Itwasover—thecongregationweredepartingandImustfollow.Ihadthenseenhim,andheardhisvoice,too,probablyforthelasttime.Inthechurchyard,MatildawaspounceduponbythetwoMissesGreen.Theyhadmanyinquiriestomakeabouthersister,andIknownotwhatbesides.Ionlywishedtheywouldhavedone,thatwemighthastenbacktoHortonLodge:Ilongedtoseektheretirementofmyownroom,orsomesequesterednookinthegrounds,thatImightdelivermyselfuptomyfeelings—toweepmylastfarewell,andlamentmyfalsehopesandvaindelusions.Onlythisonce,andthenadieutofruitlessdreaming—thenceforth,onlysober,solid,sadrealityshouldoccupymymind.ButwhileIthusresolved,alowvoiceclosebesidemesaid—“Isupposeyouaregoingthisweek,MissGrey?”“Yes,”Ireplied.IwasverymuchstartledandhadIbeenatallhystericallyinclined,Icertainlyshouldhavecommittedmyselfinsomewaythen.ThankGod,Iwasnot. “Well,”saidMr.Weston,“Iwanttobidyougood-bye—itisnotlikelyIshallseeyouagainbeforeyougo.” “Good-bye,Mr.Weston,”Isaid.Oh,howIstruggledtosayitcalmly!Igavehimmyhand.Heretaineditafewsecondsinhis. “Itispossiblewemaymeetagain,”saidhe“willitbeofanyconsequencetoyouwhetherwedoornot?” “Yes,Ishouldbeverygladtoseeyouagain.” Icouldsaynoless.Hekindlypressedmyhand,andwent.Now,Iwashappyagain—thoughmoreinclinedtoburstintotearsthanever.IfIhadbeenforcedtospeakatthatmoment,asuccessionofsobswouldhaveinevitablyensuedandasitwas,Icouldnotkeepthewateroutofmyeyes.IwalkedalongwithMissMurray,turningasidemyface,andneglectingtonoticeseveralsuccessiveremarks,tillshebawledoutthatIwaseitherdeaforstupidandthen(havingrecoveredmyself-possession),asoneawakenedfromafitofabstraction,Isuddenlylookedupandaskedwhatshehadbeensaying.