CHAPTER XXI. THE SCHOOL

IleftHortonLodge,andwenttojoinmymotherinournewabodeatA——.Ifoundherwellinhealth,resignedinspirit,andevencheerful,thoughsubduedandsober,inhergeneraldemeanour.Wehadonlythreeboardersandhalfadozenday-pupilstocommencewithbutbyduecareanddiligencewehopederelongtoincreasethenumberofboth. Isetmyselfwithbefittingenergytodischargethedutiesofthisnewmodeoflife.Icallitnew,fortherewas,indeed,aconsiderabledifferencebetweenworkingwithmymotherinaschoolofourown,andworkingasahirelingamongstrangers,despisedandtrampleduponbyoldandyoungandforthefirstfewweeksIwasbynomeansunhappy.“Itispossiblewemaymeetagain,”and“willitbeofanyconsequencetoyouwhetherwedoornot?”—Thosewordsstillranginmyearandrestedonmyheart:theyweremysecretsolaceandsupport.“Ishallseehimagain.—Hewillcomeorhewillwrite.”Nopromise,infact,wastoobrightortooextravagantforHopetowhisperinmyear.Ididnotbelievehalfofwhatshetoldme:IpretendedtolaughatitallbutIwasfarmorecredulousthanImyselfsupposedotherwise,whydidmyheartleapupwhenaknockwasheardatthefrontdoor,andthemaid,whoopenedit,cametotellmymotheragentlemanwishedtoseeher?andwhywasIoutofhumourfortherestoftheday,becauseitprovedtobeamusic-mastercometoofferhisservicestoourschool?andwhatstoppedmybreathforamoment,whenthepostmanhavingbroughtacoupleofletters,mymothersaid,“Here,Agnes,thisisforyou,”andthrewoneofthemtome?andwhatmadethehotbloodrushintomyfacewhenIsawitwasdirectedinagentleman’shand?andwhy—oh!whydidthatcold,sickeningsenseofdisappointmentfalluponme,whenIhadtornopenthecoverandfounditwasonlyaletterfromMary,which,forsomereasonorother,herhusbandhaddirectedforher? Wasitthencometothis—thatIshouldbedisappointedtoreceivealetterfrommyonlysister:andbecauseitwasnotwrittenbyacomparativestranger?DearMary!andshehadwrittenitsokindly—andthinkingIshouldbesopleasedtohaveit!—Iwasnotworthytoreadit!AndIbelieve,inmyindignationagainstmyself,IshouldhaveputitasidetillIhadschooledmyselfintoabetterframeofmind,andwasbecomemoredeservingofthehonourandprivilegeofitsperusal:butthere