CHAPTER XX. THE FAREWELL

lethingsthatpuzzledmeatriflebefore.” Afterthat,heturnedtheconversationtomoregeneralsubjects.Hedidnotleavemetillwehadnearlyreachedthepark-gates:hehadcertainlysteppedalittleoutofhiswaytoaccompanymesofar,forhenowwentbackanddisappeareddownMossLane,theentranceofwhichwehadpassedsometimebefore.AssuredlyIdidnotregretthiscircumstance:ifsorrowhadanyplaceinmyheart,itwasthathewasgoneatlast—thathewasnolongerwalkingbymyside,andthatthatshortintervalofdelightfulintercoursewasatanend.Hehadnotbreathedawordoflove,ordroppedonehintoftendernessoraffection,andyetIhadbeensupremelyhappy.Tobenearhim,tohearhimtalkashedidtalk,andtofeelthathethoughtmeworthytobesospokento—capableofunderstandinganddulyappreciatingsuchdiscourse—wasenough. “Yes,EdwardWeston,Icouldindeedbehappyinahousefullofenemies,ifIhadbutonefriend,whotruly,deeply,andfaithfullylovedmeandifthatfriendwereyou—thoughwemightbefarapart—seldomtohearfromeachother,stillmoreseldomtomeet—thoughtoil,andtrouble,andvexationmightsurroundme,still—itwouldbetoomuchhappinessformetodreamof!Yetwhocantell,”saidIwithinmyself,asIproceededupthepark,—“whocantellwhatthisonemonthmaybringforth?Ihavelivednearlythree-and-twentyyears,andIhavesufferedmuch,andtastedlittlepleasureyetisitlikelymylifeallthroughwillbesoclouded?IsitnotpossiblethatGodmayhearmyprayers,dispersethesegloomyshadows,andgrantmesomebeamsofheaven’ssunshineyet?WillHeentirelydenytomethoseblessingswhicharesofreelygiventoothers,whoneitheraskthemnoracknowledgethemwhenreceived?MayInotstillhopeandtrust?Ididhopeandtrustforawhile:but,alas,alas!thetimeebbedaway:oneweekfollowedanother,and,exceptingonedistantglimpseandtwotransientmeetings—duringwhichscarcelyanythingwassaid—whileIwaswalkingwithMissMatilda,Isawnothingofhim:except,ofcourse,atchurch. Andnow,thelastSundaywasc