CHAPTER I. THE PARSONAGE

highly-accomplishedwoman,oncesocourtedandadmired,transformedintoanactivemanaginghousewife,withhandsandheadcontinuallyoccupiedwithhouseholdlaboursandhouseholdeconomy.Theverywillingnesswithwhichsheperformedtheseduties,thecheerfulnesswithwhichsheboreherreverses,andthekindnesswhichwithheldherfromimputingthesmallestblametohim,wereallpervertedbythisingeniousself-tormentorintofurtheraggravationsofhissufferings.Andthusthemindpreyeduponthebody,anddisorderedthesystemofthenerves,andtheyinturnincreasedthetroublesofthemind,tillbyactionandreactionhishealthwasseriouslyimpairedandnotoneofuscouldconvincehimthattheaspectofouraffairswasnothalfsogloomy,soutterlyhopeless,ashismorbidimaginationrepresentedittobe. Theusefulponyphaetonwassold,togetherwiththestout,well-fedpony—theoldfavouritethatwehadfullydeterminedshouldenditsdaysinpeace,andneverpassfromourhandsthelittlecoach-houseandstablewerelettheservantboy,andthemoreefficient(beingthemoreexpensive)ofthetwomaid-servants,weredismissed.Ourclothesweremended,turned,anddarnedtotheutmostvergeofdecencyourfood,alwaysplain,wasnowsimplifiedtoanunprecedenteddegree—exceptmyfather’sfavouritedishesourcoalsandcandleswerepainfullyeconomized—thepairofcandlesreducedtoone,andthatmostsparinglyusedthecoalscarefullyhusbandedinthehalf-emptygrate:especiallywhenmyfatherwasoutonhisparishduties,orconfinedtobedthroughillness—thenwesatwithourfeetonthefender,scrapingtheperishingemberstogetherfromtimetotime,andoccasionallyaddingaslightscatteringofthedustandfragmentsofcoal,justtokeepthemalive.Asforourcarpets,theyintimewerewornthreadbare,andpatchedanddarnedeventoagreaterextentthanourgarments.Tosavetheexpenseofagardener,MaryandIundertooktokeepthegardeninorderandallthecookingandhouseholdworkthatcouldnoteasilybemanagedbyoneservant-girl,wasdonebymymotherandsister,withalittleoccasionalhelpfromme:onlyalittle,because,thoughawomaninmyownestimation,Iwasstillachildintheirsandmymother,likemostactive,managingwomen,wasnotgiftedwithveryactivedaughters:forthisreason—thatbeingsocleveranddiligentherself,shewasnevertemptedtotrustheraffairstoadeputy,but,onthecontrary,waswillingtoactandthinkforothersaswellasfornumberoneandwhateverwasthebusinessinhand,shewasapttothinkthatnoonecoulddoitsowellasherself:sothatwheneverIofferedtoassisther,Ireceivedsuchanansweras—“No,love,youcannotindeed—there’snothinghereyoucando.Goandhelpyoursister,orgethertotakeawalkwithyou—tellhershemustnotsitsomuch,andstaysoconstantlyinthehouseasshedoes—shemaywelllookthinanddejected.” “Mary,mammasaysI’mtohelpyouorgetyoutotakeawalkwithmeshesaysyoumaywelllookthinanddejected,ifyousitsoconstantlyinthehouse.” “Helpmeyoucannot,AgnesandIcannotgooutwithyou—Ihavefartoomuchtodo.” “Thenletmehelpyou.” “Youcannot,indeed,dearchild.Goandpractiseyourmusic,orplaywiththekitten.” TherewasalwaysplentyofsewingonhandbutIhadnotbeentaughttocutoutasinglegarment,andexceptplainhemmingandseaming,therewaslittleIcoulddo,eveninthatlinefortheybothassertedthatitwasfareasiertodotheworkthemselvesthantoprepareitforme:andbesides,theylikedbettertoseemeprosecutingmystudies,oramusingmyself—itwastimeenoughformetositbendingovermywork,likeagravematron,whenmyfavouritelittlepussywasbecomeasteadyoldcat.Undersuchcircumstances,althoughIwasnotmanydegreesmoreusefulthanthekitten,myidlenesswasnotentirelywithoutexcuse. Throughallourtroubles,Ineverbutonceheardmymothercomplainofourwantofmoney.AssummerwascomingonsheobservedtoMaryandme,“Whatadesirablethingitwouldbeforyourpapatospendafewweeksatawatering-place.Iamconvincedthesea-airandthechangeofscenewouldbeofincalculableservicetohim.Butthen,yousee,there’snomoney,”sheadded,withasigh.Webothwishedexceedinglythatthethingmightbedone,andlamentedgreatlythatitcouldnot.“Well,well!”saidshe,“it’snousecomplaining.Possiblysomethingmightbedonetofurthertheprojectafterall.Mary,youareabeautifuldrawer.Whatdoyousaytodoingafewmorepicturesinyourbeststyle,andgettingthemframed,withthewater-coloureddrawingsyouhavealreadydone,andtryingtodisposeofthemtosomeliberalpicture-dealer,whohasthesensetodiscerntheirmerits?” “Mamma,Ishoul