CHAPTER VII

ouIdon'tatalllikemychildbeinghere,butyouforcemetoleaveherbecauseyouknowverywellthatIcan'tletyoustayherealone." AnnaglancedatHilton,foldingadresswithimmensedeliberation. "Oh,HiltonknowswhatIthink,"saidSusie,withashrug. "Butshedoesn'tknowwhatIthink,"saidAnna."Imusttalktoyoubeforeyouleave,sopleaseletherfinishpackingafterwards.Goandhaveyourbreakfast,Hilton." "Didyousaybreakfast,m'm?"inquiredHiltonwithaninnocentlook. "Breakfast?"repeatedSusie"poorthing,I'dliketoknowhowandwheresheistogetany." "Well,then,goanddon'thaveyourbreakfast,"saidAnnaimpatiently.ShehadsomethingtotellSusiethatmustbetoldsoon,andwasnotinamoodtobearwithHilton'sways. "Howhospitable,"remarkedSusieasthedoorclosed."Reallyyouareadelightfulhostess." Annalaughed."Idon'tmeantobebrutal,"shesaid,"butifwecanexistonthefoodwithoutlookingtragicIsupposeshecantoo,especiallyasitisonlyforoneday." "MyoneconsolationinleavingLettyhereisthatshewillbedietedinspiteofherself.Iexpectyoutobringherbackquitethin." Annagotuprestlesslyandwenttothewindow. "Andwhateveryoudo,don'tforgetthatthereturnticketsonlylasttillthe24th.Butyou'llbesickofitlongbeforethen." Annaturnedroundandleanedherbackagainstthewindow.Thestrongmorninglightwasonherhair,andherfacewasinshadow,yetSusiehadafeelingthatshewaslookingguilty. "Susie,I'vebeenthinking,"shesaidwithaneffort. "Really?Hownice." "Yes,itwas,forIfoundoutwhatitisthatImustdoifImeantobehappy.ButI'mafraidthatyouwon'tthinkitnice,andwillscoldme.Nowdon'tscoldme." "Well,tellmewhatitis."SusielaystaringatAnna'sformagainstthelight,bracingherselftohearsomethingdisagreeable.SheknewverywellfrompastexperiencethatAnna'snewplan,whateveritwas,wascertaintobewildandfoolish. "Iamgoingtostayhere." "Iknowyouare,andIknowthatnothingIcansaywillmakeyouchangeyourmind.Peterisjustlikeyou—themoreIshowhimwhatafoolhe'sgoingtomakeofhimselfthemoreheinsistsondoingit.Hecallsitdetermination.Averagepeoplelikemyself,withsmallerandmoreeasilymanagedbrainsthanyoutwowondershavegot,callitpigheadedness." "Idon'tmeanonlyforLetty'sholidaysImeanforgood." "Forgood?"SusieopenedhermouthandstaredinmuchthesameblankconsternationthatDellwighadshownonhearingthatshedidnotlikeeatingpig. "Don'tbeangrywithme,"saidAnna,comingovertothesofaandsittingonthefloorbySusie'ssideandshecaughtholdofherhandandbegantotalkfastandeagerly."Ialwaysintendedspendingthismoneyinhelpingpoorpeople,butdidn'tquiteknowinwhatway—nowIseemywayclearly,andImust,mustgoit.Don'tyourememberinthecatechismthere'sthedutytowardsGodandthedutytowardsone'sneighbour——" "Oh,ifyou'regoingtotalkreligion——"saidSusie,pullingawayherhandingreatdisgust. "No,no,dolisten,"saidAnna,catchingitagainandstrokingitwhileshetalked,toSusie'sintenseirritation,whohatedbeingstroked. "Ifyouaregoingintothecatechism,"shesaid,"Hiltonhadbettercomeinagain.Itmightdohergood." "No,no—Ionlywantedtosaythatthere'sanotherdutynotinthecatechism,greaterthanthedutytowardsone'sneighbour——" "MydearAnna,itisn'tlikelythatyoucanimproveonthecatechism.Andfancywantingto,atbreakfasttime.Don'tstrokemyhand—itgivesmethefidgets." "ButIwanttoexplainthings—dolisten.Thedutythecatechismleavesoutisthedutytowardsoneself.Youcan'tgetawayfromyourduties,youknow,Susie——"Andsheknitherbrowsinherefforttofollowoutherthought. "Mygoodness,asthoughIevertried!Ifeverapoorwomandidherduty,I'mthatwoman." "—andIbelievethatifIdothosetwoduties,towardsmyneighbourandmyself,IshallbedoingmydutytowardsGod." Susiegaveherbodyanimpatienttwist.Shethoughtitpositivelyindecenttospeakofsacredthingssoearlyinthemorningincoldblood."Whathasthisdriveltodowithyourstoppinghere?"sheaskedangrily. "Ithaseverythingtodowithit—mydutytowardsmyselfistobeashappyandasgoodaspossible,andmydutytowardsmyneighbour——" "Oh,botheryourneighbourandyourduty!"criedSusieinexasperation. "—istohelphimtobegoodandhappytoo." "Him?Her,Ihope.Don'tforgetdecency,mydear.Agirlhasnodutieswhatevertowardsmaleneighbours." "Well,Idomeanher,"saidAnna,lookingupandlaughing. "Soyouthinkthatbylivinghereyou'llmakeyourselfhappy?" "Yes,Ido—Idothinkso.PerhapsIamwrong,andshallfindoutI'mwrong,butImusttry." "You'llleaveallyourfriendsandrelationsandstayinthisGod-forsakenplacewhereyoucan'tevenlivelikealady?" "UncleJoachimsaiditwasmyonechanceofleadingthebetterlife." "Unutterableoldfool,"saidSusiewithbitterestcontempt."Thatmoney,then,isgoingtobethrownawayonGermans?Asthoughthereweren'tpoorpeopleenoughinEngland,ifyourambitionistoposeasabenefactress!" "Oh,Idon'twanttoposeasanything—Ionlywanttohelpunhappywretches,"criedAnna,layinghercheekcaressinglyonSusie'sunwillinghand."Nowdon'tscoldme—forgivemeifI'msilly,andbepatientwithmetillIfindoutthatI'vemadeagooseofmyselfandcomecreepingbacktoyouandPeter.ButImustdoit—Imusttry—IwilldowhatIthinkisright." "Andwhoarethewretches,pray,whoaretobemadehappy?" "Oh,thoseIamsorriestfor—thatnooneelsehelps—thegenteelones,ifIcanonlygetatthem." "Ineverheardofgenteelwretches,"saidSusie. Annalaughedagain."Iwasthinkingitalloutintheforestthismorning,"shesaid,"anditsuddenlyflashedacrossmethatthisbigroomyhousewasnevermeantnottobeused,andthatinsteadofgoingtoseepoorpeopleandgivingthemmoneyintheordinaryway,itwouldbesomuchbettertoletwomenofthebetterclass