CHAPTER XXIX

mph.Itwastheonlymomentinwhichshebelongedtohimandwasdependentuponhisprotection. “Yes,yes,yes,”hemurmured,“youacceptme,Katharine.Youloveme.” Foramomentsheremainedsilent.Hethenheardhermurmur: “CassandralovesyoumorethanIdo.” “Cassandra?”hewhispered. “Shelovesyou,”Katharinerepeated.Sheraisedherselfandrepeatedthesentenceyetathirdtime.“Shelovesyou.” Williamslowlyraisedhimself.HebelievedinstinctivelywhatKatharinesaid,butwhatitmeanttohimhewasunabletounderstand.CouldCassandralovehim?CouldshehavetoldKatharinethatshelovedhim?Thedesiretoknowthetruthofthiswasurgent,unknownthoughtheconsequencesmightbe.ThethrillofexcitementassociatedwiththethoughtofCassandraoncemoretookpossessionofhim.Nolongerwasittheexcitementofanticipationandignoranceitwastheexcitementofsomethinggreaterthanapossibility,fornowheknewherandhadmeasureofthesympathybetweenthem.Butwhocouldgivehimcertainty?CouldKatharine,Katharinewhohadlatelylaininhisarms,Katharineherselfthemostadmiredofwomen?Helookedather,withdoubt,andwithanxiety,butsaidnothing. “Yes,yes,”shesaid,interpretinghiswishforassurance,“it’strue.Iknowwhatshefeelsforyou.” “Shelovesme?” Katharinenodded. “Ah,butwhoknowswhatIfeel?HowcanIbesureofmyfeelingmyself?TenminutesagoIaskedyoutomarryme.Istillwishit—Idon’tknowwhatIwish—” Heclenchedhishandsandturnedaway.Hesuddenlyfacedheranddemanded:“TellmewhatyoufeelforDenham.” “ForRalphDenham?”sheasked.“Yes!”sheexclaimed,asifshehadfoundtheanswertosomemomentarilyperplexingquestion.“You’rejealousofme,Williambutyou’renotinlovewithme.I’mjealousofyou.Therefore,forbothoursakes,Isay,speaktoCassandraatonce.” Hetriedtocomposehimself.Hewalkedupanddowntheroomhepausedatthewindowandsurveyedtheflowersstrewnuponthefloor.MeanwhilehisdesiretohaveKatharine’sassuranceconfirmedbecamesoinsistentthathecouldnolongerdenytheovermasteringstrengthofhisfeelingforCassandra. “You’reright,”heexclaimed,comingtoastandstillandrappinghisknucklessharplyuponasmalltablecarryingoneslendervase.“IloveCassandra.” Ashesaidthis,thecurtainshangingatthedoorofthelittleroomparted,andCassandraherselfsteppedforth. “Ihaveoverheardeveryword!”sheexclaimed. Apausesucceededthisannouncement.Rodneymadeastepforwardandsaid: “ThenyouknowwhatIwishtoaskyou.Givemeyouranswer—” Sheputherhandsbeforeherfacesheturnedawayandseemedtoshrinkfrombothofthem. “WhatKatharinesaid,”shemurmured.“But,”sheadded,raisingherheadwithalookoffearfromthekisswithwhichhegreetedheradmission,“howfrightfullydifficultitallis!Ourfeelings,Imean—yoursandmineandKatharine’s.Katharine,tellme,arewedoingright?” “Right—ofcoursewe’redoingright,”Williamansweredher,“if,afterwhatyou’veheard,youcanmarryamanofsuchincomprehensibleconfusion,suchdeplorable—” “Don’t,William,”Katharineinterposed“Cassandrahasheardusshecanjudgewhatwearesheknowsbetterthanwecouldtellher.” But,stillholdingWilliam’shand,questionsanddesireswelledupinCassandra’sheart.Hadshedonewronginlistening?WhydidAuntCeliablameher?DidKatharinethinkherright?Aboveall,didWilliamreallyloveher,foreverandever,betterthananyone? “Imustbefirstwithhim,Katharine!”sheexclaimed.“Ican’tsharehimevenwithyou.” “Ishallneveraskthat,”saidKatharine.Shemovedalittleawayfromwheretheysatandbeganhalf-consciouslysortingherflowers. “Butyou’vesharedwithme,”Cassandrasaid.“Whycan’tIsharewithyou?WhyamIsomean?Iknowwhyitis,”sheadded.“Weunderstandeachother,WilliamandI.You’veneverunderstoodeachother.You’retoodifferent.” “I’veneveradmiredanybodymore,”Williaminterposed. “It’snotthat”—Cassandratriedtoenlightenhim—“it’sunderstanding.” “HaveIneverunderstoodyou,Katharine?HaveIbeenveryselfish?” “Yes,”Cassandrainterposed.“You’veaskedherforsympathy,andshe’snotsympatheticyou’vewantedhertobepractical,andshe’snotpractical.You’vebeenselfishyou’vebeenexacting—andsohasKatharine—butitwasn’tanybody’sfault.” Katharinehadlistenedtothisattemptatanalysiswithkeenattention.Cassandra’swordsseemedtorubtheoldblurredimageoflifeandfreshenitsomarvelouslythatitlookednewagain.SheturnedtoWilliam. “It’squitetrue,”shesaid.“Itwasnobody’sfault.” “Therearemanythingsthathe’llalwayscometoyoufor,”Cassandracontinued,stillreadingfromherinvisiblebook.“Iacceptthat,Katharine.Ishallneverdisputeit.Iwanttobegenerousasyou’vebeengenerous.Butbeinginlovemakesitmoredifficultforme.” Theyweresilent.AtlengthWilliambrokethesilence. “OnethingIbegofyouboth,”hesaid,andtheoldnervousnessofmannerreturnedasheglancedatKatharine.“Wewillneverdiscussthesemattersagain.It’snotthatI’mtimidandconventional,asyouthink,Katharine.It’sthatitspoilsthingstodiscussthemitunsettlespeople’smindsandnowwe’reallsohappy—” Cassandraratifiedthisconclusionsofarasshewasconcerned,andWilliam,afterreceivingtheexquisitepleasureofherglance,withitsabsoluteaffectionandtrust,lookedanxiouslyatKatharine. “Yes,I’mhappy,”sheassuredhim.“AndIagree.Wewillnevertalkaboutitagain.” “Oh,Katharine,Katharine!”Cassandracried,holdingoutherarmswhilethetearsrandownhercheeks.