CHAPTER XXI

ewascomparativelysimplebutafurtherconfidencehadrevealeditself,asKatharinespoke,whichwasnotsosimple,andyetitimpresseditselfuponherasanecessityshemusttellKatharinewhatitwasclearthatshehadnoconceptionof—shemusttellKatharinethatRalphwasinlovewithher. “Idon’tknowwhathemeanstodo,”shesaidhurriedly,seekingtimeagainstthepressureofherownconviction.“I’venotseenhimsinceChristmas.” Katharinereflectedthatthiswasoddperhaps,afterall,shehadmisunderstoodtheposition.Shewasinthehabitofassuming,however,thatshewasratherunobservantofthefinershadesoffeeling,andshenotedherpresentfailureasanotherproofthatshewasapractical,abstract-mindedperson,betterfittedtodealwithfiguresthanwiththefeelingsofmenandwomen.Anyhow,WilliamRodneywouldsayso. “Andnow—”shesaid. “Oh,pleasestay!”Maryexclaimed,puttingoutherhandtostopher.DirectlyKatharinemovedshefelt,inarticulatelyandviolently,thatshecouldnotbeartolethergo.IfKatharinewent,heronlychanceofspeakingwaslostheronlychanceofsayingsomethingtremendouslyimportantwaslost.HalfadozenwordsweresufficienttowakeKatharine’sattention,andputflightandfurthersilencebeyondherpower.Butalthoughthewordscametoherlips,herthroatcloseduponthemanddrovethemback.Afterall,sheconsidered,whyshouldshespeak?Becauseitisright,herinstincttoldherrighttoexposeoneselfwithoutreservationstootherhumanbeings.Sheflinchedfromthethought.Itaskedtoomuchofonealreadystrippedbare.Somethingshemustkeepofherown.Butifshedidkeepsomethingofherown?Immediatelyshefiguredanimmuredlife,continuingforanimmenseperiod,thesamefeelingslivingforever,neitherdwindlingnorchangingwithintheringofathickstonewall.Theimaginationofthislonelinessfrightenedher,andyettospeak—toloseherloneliness,forithadalreadybecomedeartoher,wasbeyondherpower. HerhandwentdowntothehemofKatharine’sskirt,and,fingeringalineoffur,shebentherheadasiftoexamineit. “Ilikethisfur,”shesaid,“Ilikeyourclothes.Andyoumustn’tthinkthatI’mgoingtomarryRalph,”shecontinued,inthesametone,“becausehedoesn’tcareformeatall.Hecaresforsomeoneelse.”Herheadremainedbent,andherhandstillrestedupontheskirt. “It’sashabbyolddress,”saidKatharine,andtheonlysignthatMary’swordshadreachedherwasthatshespokewithalittlejerk. “Youdon’tmindmytellingyouthat?”saidMary,raisingherself. “No,no,”saidKatharine“butyou’remistaken,aren’tyou?”Shewas,intruth,horriblyuncomfortable,dismayed,indeed,disillusioned.Shedislikedtheturnthingshadtakenquiteintensely.Theindecencyofitafflictedher.Thesufferingimpliedbythetoneappalledher.ShelookedatMaryfurtively,witheyesthatwerefullofapprehension.Butifshehadhopedtofindthatthesewordshadbeenspokenwithoutunderstandingoftheirmeaning,shewasatoncedisappointed.Marylaybackinherchair,frowningslightly,andlooking,Katharinethought,asifshehadlivedfifteenyearsorsointhespaceofafewminutes. “Therearesomethings,don’tyouthink,thatonecan’tbemistakenabout?”Marysaid,quietlyandalmostcoldly.“Thatiswhatpuzzlesmeaboutthisquestionofbeinginlove.I’vealwayspridedmyselfuponbeingreasonable,”sheadded.“Ididn’tthinkIcouldhavefeltthis—Imeaniftheotherpersondidn’t.Iwasfoolish.Iletmyselfpretend.”Hereshepaused.“For,yousee,Katharine,”sheproceeded,rousingherselfandspeakingwithgreaterenergy,“IAMinlove.There’snodoubtaboutthat....I’mtremendouslyinlove...withRalph.”Thelittleforwardshakeofherhead,whichshookalockofhair,togetherwithherbrightercolor,gaveheranappearanceatonceproudanddefiant. Katharinethoughttoherself,“That’showitfeelsthen.”Shehesitated,withafeelingthatitwasnotforhertospeakandthensaid,inalowtone,“You’vegotthat.” “Yes,”saidMary“I’vegotthat.Onewouldn’tnotbeinlove....ButIdidn’tmeantotalkaboutthatIonlywantedyoutoknow.There’sanotherthingIwanttotellyou...”Shepaused.“Ihaven’tanyauthorityfromRalphtosayitbutI’msureofthis—he’sinlovewithyou.” Katharinelookedatheragain,asifherfirstglancemusthavebeendeluded,for,surely,theremustbesomeoutwardsignthatMarywastalkinginanexcited,orbewildered,orfantasticmanner.Noshestillfrowned