CHAPTER XXI

dinconsequently,andwithanaccentofcondescension.ShewasnotgoingtomakeKatharineunderstandinasecond,asshewould,allsheherselfhadlearntatthecostofsuchpain.No.KatharinewastobehappyKatharinewastobeignorantMarywastokeepthisknowledgeoftheimpersonallifeforherself.Thethoughtofhermorning’srenunciationstungherconscience,andshetriedtoexpandoncemoreintothatimpersonalconditionwhichwassoloftyandsopainless.Shemustcheckthisdesiretobeanindividualagain,whosewisheswereinconflictwiththoseofotherpeople.Sherepentedofherbitterness. Katharinenowrenewedhersignsofleave-takingshehaddrawnononeofhergloves,andlookedaboutherasifinsearchofsometrivialsayingtoendwith.Wasn’ttheresomepicture,orclock,orchestofdrawerswhichmightbesingledoutfornotice?somethingpeaceableandfriendlytoendtheuncomfortableinterview?Thegreen-shadedlampburntinthecorner,andilluminedbooksandpensandblotting-paper.Thewholeaspectoftheplacestartedanothertrainofthoughtandstruckherasenviablyfreeinsucharoomonecouldwork—onecouldhavealifeofone’sown. “Ithinkyou’reverylucky,”sheobserved.“Ienvyyou,livingaloneandhavingyourownthings”—andengagedinthisexaltedway,whichhadnorecognitionorengagement-ring,sheaddedinherownmind. Mary’slipspartedslightly.ShecouldnotconceiveinwhatrespectsKatharine,whospokesincerely,couldenvyher. “Idon’tthinkyou’vegotanyreasontoenvyme,”shesaid. “Perhapsonealwaysenviesotherpeople,”Katharineobservedvaguely. “Well,butyou’vegoteverythingthatanyonecanwant.” Katharineremainedsilent.Shegazedintothefirequietly,andwithoutatraceofself-consciousness.ThehostilitywhichshehaddivinedinMary’stonehadcompletelydisappeared,andsheforgotthatshehadbeenuponthepointofgoing. “Well,IsupposeIhave,”shesaidatlength.“AndyetIsometimesthink—”Shepausedshedidnotknowhowtoexpresswhatshemeant. “ItcameovermeintheTubetheotherday,”sheresumed,withasmile“whatisitthatmakesthesepeoplegoonewayratherthantheother?It’snotloveit’snotreasonIthinkitmustbesomeidea.Perhaps,Mary,ouraffectionsaretheshadowofanidea.Perhapsthereisn’tanysuchthingasaffectioninitself....”Shespokehalf-mockingly,askingherquestion,whichshescarcelytroubledtoframe,notofMary,orofanyoneinparticular. ButthewordsseemedtoMaryDatchetshallow,supercilious,cold-blooded,andcynicalallinone.Allhernaturalinstinctswererousedinrevoltagainstthem. “I’mtheoppositewayofthinking,yousee,”shesaid. “YesIknowyouare,”Katharinereplied,lookingatherasifnowshewereabout,perhaps,toexplainsomethingveryimportant. MarycouldnothelpfeelingthesimplicityandgoodfaiththatlaybehindKatharine’swords. “Ithinkaffectionistheonlyreality,”shesaid. “Yes,”saidKatharine,almostsadly.SheunderstoodthatMarywasthinkingofRalph,andshefeltitimpossibletopresshertorevealmoreofthisexaltedconditionshecouldonlyrespectthefactthat,insomefewcases,lifearrangeditselfthussatisfactorilyandpasson.Sherosetoherfeetaccordingly.ButMaryexclaimed,withunmistakableearnestness,thatshemustnotgothattheymetsoseldomthatshewantedtotalktohersomuch....Katharinewassurprisedattheearnestnesswithwhichshespoke.ItseemedtoherthattherecouldbenoindiscretioninmentioningRalphbyname. Seatingherself“fortenminutes,”shesaid:“Bytheway,Mr.DenhamtoldmehewasgoingtogiveuptheBarandliveinthecountry.Hashegone?Hewasbeginningtotellmeaboutit,whenwewereinterrupted.” “Hethinksofit,”saidMarybriefly.Thecoloratoncecametoherface. “Itwouldbeaverygoodplan,”saidKatharineinherdecidedway. “Youthinkso?” “Yes,becausehewoulddosomethingworthwhilehewouldwriteabook.Myfatheralwayssaysthathe’sthemostremarkableoftheyoungmenwhowriteforhim.” Marybentlowoverthefireandstirredthecoalbetweenthebarswithapoker.Katharine’smentionofRalphhadrousedwithinheranalmostirresistibledesiretoexplaintoherthetruestateofthecasebetweenherselfandRalph.Sheknew,fromthetoneofhervoice,thatinspeakingofRalphshehadnodesiretoprobeMary’ssecrets,ortoinsinuateanyofherown.Moreover,shelikedKatharineshetrustedhershefeltarespectforher.Thefirststepofconfidenc