CHAPTER XIX

’tdoit,”Marysaidatlast.Thecasualandratherhurriedwayinwhichshespoke,togetherwiththefactthatshewassayingtheexactoppositeofwhatheexpectedhertosay,baffledhimsomuchthatheinstinctivelyloosenedhisclaspuponherarmandshewithdrewitquietly. “Youcouldn’tdoit?”heasked. “No,Icouldn’tmarryyou,”shereplied. “Youdon’tcareforme?” Shemadenoanswer. “Well,Mary,”hesaid,withacuriouslaugh,“Imustbeanarrantfool,forIthoughtyoudid.”Theywalkedforaminuteortwoinsilence,andsuddenlyheturnedtoher,lookedather,andexclaimed:“Idon’tbelieveyou,Mary.You’renottellingmethetruth.” “I’mtootiredtoargue,Ralph,”shereplied,turningherheadawayfromhim.“IaskyoutobelievewhatIsay.Ican’tmarryyouIdon’twanttomarryyou.” ThevoiceinwhichshestatedthiswassoevidentlythevoiceofoneinsomeextremityofanguishthatRalphhadnocoursebuttoobeyher.Andassoonasthetoneofhervoicehaddiedout,andthesurprisefadedfromhismind,hefoundhimselfbelievingthatshehadspokenthetruth,forhehadbutlittlevanity,andsoonherrefusalseemedanaturalthingtohim.Heslippedthroughallthegradesofdespondencyuntilhereachedabottomofabsolutegloom.FailureseemedtomarkthewholeofhislifehehadfailedwithKatharine,andnowhehadfailedwithMary.UpatoncesprangthethoughtofKatharine,andwithitasenseofexultingfreedom,butthishecheckedinstantly.NogoodhadevercometohimfromKatharinehiswholerelationshipwithherhadbeenmadeupofdreamsandashethoughtofthelittlesubstancetherehadbeeninhisdreamshebegantolaytheblameofthepresentcatastropheuponhisdreams. “Haven’tIalwaysbeenthinkingofKatharinewhileIwaswithMary?ImighthavelovedMaryifithadn’tbeenforthatidiocyofmine.Shecaredformeonce,I’mcertainofthat,butItormentedhersowithmyhumorsthatIletmychancesslip,andnowshewon’triskmarryingme.AndthisiswhatI’vemadeofmylife—nothing,nothing,nothing.” Thetrampoftheirbootsuponthedryroadseemedtoasseveratenothing,nothing,nothing.MarythoughtthatthissilencewasthesilenceofreliefhisdepressionsheascribedtothefactthathehadseenKatharineandpartedfromher,leavingherinthecompanyofWilliamRodney.ShecouldnotblamehimforlovingKatharine,butthat,whenhelovedanother,heshouldaskhertomarryhim—thatseemedtoherthecruellesttreachery.Theiroldfriendshipanditsfirmbaseuponindestructiblequalitiesofcharacter