CHAPTER V

eting,supposing,justforthesakeofsupposing,thatsheallowedherselftobecomeengaged,wouldbelike.WouldHerrDremmelinthatsettingofcarefullysubduedsplendour,ofwainscotingandoriels,seemtoherasfreeanddelightfulasheseemedonatouroffrugalbackgrounds?Wouldshe,inthepresenceoftheBishop'shorrifieddisapproval,beabletoseehimasshehadbeenseeinghimnow? Shehadnotexploredveryfarintoherownresourcesyet,butshehadbegunlatelytoperceivethatshewaspliable.Shebenteasily,shefelt,anddeploredhavingtofeelinthedirectiondesiredbythepersonsshewaswithandwholaidholdofherwithauthority.Itistrueshesprangbackagain,asshehaddiscoveredsosurprisinglyinLondon,theinstanttheholdwasrelaxed,butitseemedthatshesprangonlytodo,asshenowwithaheadshakeadmitted,difficulty-bringingthings.Andhertraininginacquiescenceanddistrustofherselfwasverycomplete,andbackinherhomewouldshenotatoncebendintotheoldcurveagain?Wasitpossible,woulditeverbepossible,inherfather'spresencetodisassociateherselffromhispointsofview?WhathisviewofHerrDremmelwouldbesheveryexactlyknew.Didshewanttodisassociateherselffromit? Shepushedbackherchair,andbegantowalkquicklyupanddownthenarrowlittleroom.Ifshedidn'tdisassociateherselfitmeantmarriageandmarriageinstarkdefianceofthewholeofherworld.Redchesterwouldbeappalled.ThediocesewouldgrieveforitsBishop.Thecountywoulddiscussherantagonisticallyatahundredtea-tables.Well,andwhiletheyweredoingit,wherewouldshebe?Herbloodbegansuddenlytodance.Shewasseized,asshehadbeeninLondon,bythatoverwhelmingdesiretoshakeoffoldthingsandsetherfacetowardstheutterlynew.WhileallthesepeoplewerenoddingandwhisperingintheirstuffystaleworldshewouldbesafeinEastPrussia,aplacethatseemedinfinitelyremote,aplaceHerrDremmelhaddescribedtoherasfullofforestsandwaterandimmensestretchesofwavingrye.Thelakeswerefringedwithrushestheforestscamedowntotheiredgeshisowngardenendedinalittlepaththroughalilachedgethattookyoudownbetweentheryetotherushesandthewaterandthefirstgreatpines.Oh,sheknewitasthoughshehadseenit,shehadluredhimonsooftentodescribingittoher.Hethoughtnothingofittalked,indeed,ofitwithdisgustasaGod-forsakenplace.Well,itwastheseGod-forsakenplacesthatherbodyandspiritcriedoutfor.Space,freedom,quietthewindrufflingtheryethewatersplashingsoftlyagainstthesideofthepunt(therewasapunt,shehadextracted)thelarkssingingupinthesunlighttheshiningcloudspassingslowlyacrosstheblue.ShewantedtobealonewiththesethingsaftertheyearsofdeafeninghurryatRedchesterwithalongingthatwaslikehome-sickness.Sheremembered,somehow,thatoncesheusedtobewiththem—longago,faraway....Andthereusedtobelittlethingswhenyoulayfacedownwardsonthegrass,littlelovelythingsthatsmeltbeautiful—wild-strawberryleaves,andatinyaromaticplantwithawhiteflowerlikeastarthatyourubbedbetweenyourfingers.... Shestoodstillamoment,frowning,tryingtoremembermorei