CHAPTER XI

MeanwhilethedinnerinitsearlierstageswasdraggingitsslowlengthalongtruetoStirlingform.Theroomwaschilly,inspiteofthecalendar,andAuntAlbertahadthegas-logslighted.Everybodyintheclanenviedherthosegas-logsexceptValancy.GloriousopenfiresblazedineveryroomofherBlueCastlewhenautumnalnightswerecool,butshewouldhavefrozentodeathinitbeforeshewouldhavecommittedthesacrilegeofagas-log.UncleHerbertmadehishardyperennialjokewhenhehelpedAuntWellingtontothecoldmeat—“Mary,willyouhavealittlelamb?”AuntMildredtoldthesameoldstoryofoncefindingalostringinaturkey’scrop.UncleBenjamintoldhisfavouriteprosytaleofhowhehadoncechasedandpunishedanowfamousmanforstealingapples.SecondCousinJanedescribedallhersufferingswithanulceratingtooth.AuntWellingtonadmiredthepatternofAuntAlberta’ssilverteaspoonsandlamentedthefactthatoneofherownhadbeenlost. “Itspoiledtheset.Icouldnevergetitmatched.Anditwasmywedding-presentfromdearoldAuntMatilda.” AuntIsabelthoughttheseasonswerechangingandcouldn’timaginewhathadbecomeofourgood,old-fashionedsprings.CousinGeorgiana,asusual,discussedthelastfuneralandwondered,audibly,“whichofuswillbethenexttopassaway.”CousinGeorgianacouldneversayanythingasbluntas“die.”Valancythoughtshecouldtellher,butdidn’t.CousinGladys,likewiseasusual,hadagrievance.Hervisitingnephewshadnippedallthebudsoffherhouse-plantsandchiviedherbroodoffancychickens—“squeezedsomeofthemactuallytodeath,mydear.” “Boyswillbeboys,”remindedUncleHerberttolerantly. “Buttheyneedn’tberamping,rampageousanimals,”retortedCousinGladys,lookingroundthetableforappreciationofherwit.EverybodysmiledexceptValancy.CousinGladysrememberedthat.Afewminuteslater,whenEllenHamiltonwasbeingdiscussed,CousinGladysspokeofheras“oneofthoseshy,plaingirlswhocan’tgethusbands,”andglancedsignificantlyatValancy. UncleJamesthoughttheconversationwassaggingtoaratherlowplaneofpersonalgossip.Hetriedtoelevateitbystartinganabstractdiscussionon“thegreatesthappiness.”Everybodywasaskedtostatehisorherideaof“thegreatesthappiness.” AuntMildredthoughtthegreatesthappiness—forawoman—wastobe“alovingandbelovedwifeandmother.”AuntWellingtonthoughtitwouldbetotravelinEurope.OlivethoughtitwouldbetobeagreatsingerlikeTetrazzini.CousinGladysremarkedmournfullythathergreatesthappinesswouldbetobefree—absolutelyfree—fromneuritis.CousinGeorgiana’sgreatesthappinesswouldbe“tohaveherdear,deadbrotherRichardback.”AuntAlbertaremarkedvaguelythatthegreatesthappinesswastobefoundin“thepoetryoflife”andhastilygavesomedirectionstohermaidtopreventanyoneaskingherwhatshemeant.Mrs.Fredericksaidthegreatesthappinesswastospendyourlifeinlovingserviceforothers,andCousinSticklesandAuntIsabelagreedwithher—AuntIsabelwitharesentfulair,asifshethoughtMrs.Frederickhadtakenthewindoutofhersailsbysayingitfirst.“Wearealltooprone,”continuedMrs.Frederick,determinednottolosesogoodanopportunity,“toliveinselfishness,worldlinessandsin.”Theotherwomenallfeltrebukedfortheirlowideals,andUncleJameshadaconvictionthattheconversationhadbeenupliftedwithavengeance. “Thegreatesthappiness,”saidValancysuddenlyanddistinctly,“istosneezewhenyouwantto.” Everybodystared.Nobodyfeltitsafetosayanything.WasValancytryingtobefunny?Itwasincredible.Mrs.Frederick,whohadbeenbreathingeasiersincethedinnerhadprogressedsofarwithoutanyoutbreakonthepartofValancy,begantotrembleagain.Butshedeemeditthepartofprudencetosaynothing.UncleBenjaminwasnotsoprudent.HerashlyrushedinwhereMrs.Frederickfearedtotread. “Doss,”hechuckled,“whatisthedifferencebetweenayounggirlandanoldmaid?” “Oneishappyandcarelessandtheotheriscappyandhairless,”saidValancy.“Youhaveaskedthatriddleatleastfiftytimesinmyrecollection,UncleBen.Whydon’tyouhuntupsomenewriddlesifriddleyoumust?Itissuchafatalmistaketotrytobefunnyifyoudon’tsucceed.” UncleBenjaminstaredfoolishly.Neverinhislifehadhe,BenjaminStirling,ofStirlingandFrost,beenspokentoso.AndbyVal