XVI

AFEWdayslaterIfoundmyselfinsightofForli.AsIrodealongImeditatedandpresentlythethoughtcametomethatafteralltherewasperhapsacertainequalityintheportioningoutofgoodandevilinthisworld.Whenfategaveonehappinessshefolloweditwithunhappiness,butthetwolastedaboutanequaltime,sothatthebalancewasnotunevenlypreserved....InmyloveforGiuliaIhadgonethroughafewdaysofintensehappinessthefirstkisshadcausedmesuchecstasythatIwasraptuptoheavenIfeltmyselfagod.Andthiswasfollowedbyasortofpassivehappiness,whenIlivedbuttoenjoymyloveandcaredfornothingintheworldbesides.Thencamethecatastrophe,andIpassedthroughthemostawfulmiserythatmanhadeverfelt:evennowasIthoughtofitthesweatgatheredonmyforehead.ButInoticedthatstrangelyasthiswretchednesswasequalwiththefirsthappiness,sowasitequalinlength.AndthiswasfollowedbyapassiveunhappinesswhenInolongerfeltallthebitternessofmywoe,butonlyacertaindullmisery,whichwaslikepeace.Andhalfsmiling,halfsighing,Ithoughtthatthepassivemiseryagainwasequaltothepassivehappiness.Finallycametheblessedstateofindifference,and,exceptfortheremembrance,myheartwasasifnothinghadbeenatall.Soitseemedtomethatoneoughtnottocomplainforiftheworldhadnorighttogiveonecontinualmisery,onehadnocausetoexpectunmingledhappiness,andtheconjunctionofthetwo,inallthingsequal,seemednormalandreasonable.AndIhadnotnoticedthatIwascometoForli. Ienteredthegatewithapleasantsenseofhomecoming.IpassedalongthegreystreetsIwasbeginningtoknowsowell,andfeltforthemsomethingoftheaffectionofoldfriends.Iwasglad,too,thatIshouldshortlyseeCheccoandmydearMatteo.IfeltIhadbeenunkindtoMatteo:hewassofondofmeandhadalwaysbeensogood,butIhadbeensowrappedupinmylovethathisverypresencehadbeenimportunate,andIhadrespondedcoldlytohisfriendliness.Andbeingtheninasentimentalmood,Ithoughthowmuchbetterandmoretrustworthyafriendistothemostlovelywomanintheworld.Youcouldneglecthimandbeunfaithfultohim,andyetifyouwereintroubleyoucouldcomebackand