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melttheperfumeofherbreathIfeltonmyfacethelighttouchofherhair.Butitwouldnotlast.Itriedtoseizetheimageandholditback,butitvanishedandleftmebroken-hearted....
IknewIdidnothateher.Ihadpretendedto,butthewordscamefromthemouth.InmyheartIlovedherstill,morepassionatelythanever.WhatdidIcareifshewasheartlessandcruelandfaithlessandvicious!ItwasnothingtomeaslongasIcouldholdherinmyarmsandcoverherwithkisses.IdiddespiseherIknewherforwhatshewas,butstillIlovedherinsanely.Oh,ifshewouldonlycomebacktome!Iwouldwillinglyforgeteverythingandforgiveher.Nay,Iwouldaskherforgivenessandgrovelbeforeher,ifshewouldonlyletmeenjoyherloveagain.
Iwouldgobacktoherandfallonmyknees,andprayhertobemerciful.WhyshouldIsupposeshehadchangedinthefewdays.Iknewshewouldtreatmewiththesameindifference,andonlyfeelawonderingcontemptthatIshouldsoabasemyself.Itcamelikeablowintheface,thethoughtofhercoldcrueltyandhercalmness.No,IvowedIwouldneversubjectmyselftothatagain.Ifeltmyselfblushattheremembranceofthehumiliation.Butperhapsshewassorryforwhatshehaddone.Iknewherpridewouldpreventherfromcomingorsendingtome,andshouldIgivehernoopportunity?Perhaps,ifwesawoneanotherforafewmomentseverythingmightbearranged,andImightbehappyagain.Animmensefeelingofhopefilledme.IthoughtImustberightinmyideashecouldnotbesoheartlessastohavenoregret.HowwillinglyIwouldtakeherback!Myheartleaped.ButIdarednotgotoherhouse.IknewIshouldfindheronthemorrowatherfather's,whowasgoingtogiveabanquettosomefriends.Iwouldspeaktoherthere,casually,asifwewereordinaryacquaintancesandthenatthefirstsignofyieldingonherpart,evenifIsawbutatingeofregretinhereyes,Iwouldburstout.Iwashappyinmyplan,andIwenttosleepwiththenameofGiuliaonmylipsandherimageinmyheart.