Chapter 8

d.Forthoughhewasgrowingmorecharitabletowardsmankind,hewasstillalittlejaunty,andtooapttostakeoutbeforehandthecoursethatwillbepursuedbythewoundedsoul.Itdidnotsurprisehim,however,thatsheshouldgreethimnaturally,withnoneofthesourself-consciousnessofapersonwhohadjustrisenfromherknees.ThiswasindeedthespiritofSantaDeodata’s,whereaprayertoGodisthoughtnonetheworseofbecauseitcomesnexttoapleasantwordtoaneighbour.“IamsurethatIneedit,”saidsheandhe,whohadexpectedhertobeashamed,becameconfused,andknewnotwhattoreply. “I’venothingtotellyou,”shecontinued.“Ihavesimplychangedstraightround.IfIhadplannedthewholethingout,Icouldnothavetreatedyouworse.IcantalkitovernowbutpleasebelievethatIhavebeencrying.” “AndpleasebelievethatIhavenotcometoscoldyou,”saidPhilip.“Iknowwhathashappened.” “What?”askedMissAbbott.Instinctivelysheledthewaytothefamouschapel,thefifthchapelontheright,whereinGiovannidaEmpolihaspaintedthedeathandburialofthesaint.Heretheycouldsitoutofthedustandthenoise,andproceedwithadiscussionwhichpromisedtobeimportant. “Whatmighthavehappenedtome—hehadmadeyoubelievethathelovedthechild.” “Oh,yeshehas.Hewillnevergiveitup.” “Atpresentitisstillunsettled.” “Itwillneverbesettled.” “Perhapsnot.Well,asIsaid,Iknowwhathashappened,andIamnotheretoscoldyou.ButImustaskyoutowithdrawfromthethingforthepresent.Harrietisfurious.Butshewillcalmdownwhensherealizesthatyouhavedoneusnoharm,andwilldonone.” “Icandonomore,”shesaid.“ButItellyouplainlyIhavechangedsides.” “Ifyoudonomore,thatisallwewant.YoupromisenottoprejudiceourcausebyspeakingtoSignorCarella?” “Oh,certainly.Idon’twanttospeaktohimagainIshan’teverseehimagain.” “Quitenice,wasn’the?” “Quite.” “Well,that’sallIwantedtoknow.I’llgoandtellHarrietofyourpromise,andIthinkthings’llquietdownnow.” Buthedidnotmove,foritwasanincreasingpleasuretohimtobenearher,andhercharmwasatitsstrongesttoday.Hethoughtlessofpsychologyandfemininereaction.Thegushofsentimentalismwhichhadcarriedherawayhadonlymadehermorealluring.Hewascontenttoobserveherbeautyandtoprofitbythetendernessandthewisdomthatdweltwithinher. “Whyaren’tyouangrywithme?”sheasked,afterapause. “BecauseIunderstandyou—allsides,Ithink,—Harriet,SignorCarella,evenmymother.” “Youdounderstandwonderfully.Youaretheonlyoneofuswhohasageneralviewofthemuddle.” Hesmiledwithpleasure.Itwasthefirsttimeshehadeverpraisedhim.HiseyesrestedagreeablyonSantaDeodata,whowasdyinginfullsanctity,uponherback.Therewasawindowopenbehindher,revealingjustsuchaviewashehadseenthatmorning,andonherwidowedmother’sdressertherestoodjustsuchanothercopperpot.Thesaintlookedneitherattheviewnoratthepot,andatherwidowedmotherstillless.Forlo!shehadavision:theheadandshouldersofSt.Augustinewereslidinglikesomemiraculousenamelalongtherough-castwall.Itisagentlesaintwhoiscontentwithhalfanothersainttoseeherdie.Inherdeath,asinherlife,SantaDeodatadidnotaccomplishmuch. “Sowhatareyougoingtodo?”saidMissAbbott. Philipstarted,notsomuchatthewordsasatthesuddenchangeinthevoice.“Do?”heechoed,ratherdismayed.“ThisafternoonIhaveanotherinterview.” “Itwillcometonothing.Well?” “Thenanother.IfthatfailsIshallwirehomeforinstructions.Idaresaywemayfailaltogether,butweshallfailhonourably.” Shehadoftenbeendecided.Butnowbehindherdecisiontherewasanoteofpassion.Shestruckhimnotasdifferent,butasmoreimportant,andhemindeditverymuchwhenshesaid— “That’snotdoinganything!Youwouldbedoingsomethingifyoukidnappedthebaby,orifyouwentstraightaway.Butthat!Tofailhonourably!Tocomeoutofthethingaswellasyoucan!Isthatallyouareafter?” “Why,yes,”hestammered.“Sincewetalkopenly,thatisallIamafterjustnow.Whatelseisthere?IfIcanpersuadeSignorCarellatogivein,somuchthebetter.Ifhewon’t,Imustreportthefailuretomymotherandthengohome.Why,MissAbbott,youcan’texpectmetofollowyouthroughalltheseturns—” “Idon’t!ButIdoexpectyoutosettlewhatisrightandtofollowthat.Doyouwantthechildtostopwithhisfather,wholoveshimandwillbringhimupbadly,ordoyouwanthimtocometoSawston,wherenooneloveshim,butwherehewillbebroughtupwell?Thereisthequestionputdispassionatelyenoughevenforyou.Settleit.Settlewhichsideyou’llfighton.Butdon’tgotalkingaboutan‘honourablefailure,’whichmeanssimplynotthinkingandnotactingatall.” “BecauseIunderstandthepositionofSignorCarellaandofyou,it’snoreasonthat—” “Noneatall.Fightasifyouthinkuswrong.Oh,what’stheuseofyourfair-mindednessifyouneverdecideforyourself?Anyonegetsholdofyouandmakesyoudowhattheywant.Andyouseethroughthemandlaughatthem—anddoit.It’snotenoughtoseeclearlyI’mmuddle-headedandstupid,andnotworthaquarterofyou,butIhavetriedtodowhatseemedrightatthetime.Andyou—yourbrainandyourinsightaresplendid.Butwhenyouseewhat’srightyou’retooidletodoit.Youtoldmeoncethatweshallbejudgedbyourintentions,notbyouraccomplishments.Ithoughtitagrandremark.Butwemustintendtoaccomplish—notsitintendingonachair.” “Youarewonderful!”hesaidgravely. “Oh,youappreciateme!”sheburstoutagain.“Iwishyoudidn’t.Youappreciateusall—seegoodinallofus.Andallthetimeyouaredead—dead—dead.Look,whyaren’tyouangry?”Shecameuptohim,andthenhermoodsuddenlychanged,andshetookholdofbothhishands.“Youaresosplendid,Mr.Herriton,thatIcan’tbeartoseeyouwasted.Ican’tbear—shehasnotbeengoodtoyou—yourmother.” “MissAbbott,don’tworryoverme.Somepeoplearebornnottodothings.I’moneofthemIneverdidanythingatschoolorattheBar.IcameouttostopLilia’smarriage,anditwastoolate.Icameoutintendingtogetthebaby,andIshallreturnan‘honourablefailure.’Ineverexpectanythingtohappennow,andsoIamneverdisappointed.Youwouldbesurprisedtoknowwhatmygreateventsare.Goingtothetheatreyesterday,talkingtoyounow—Idon’tsupposeIshallevermeetanythinggreater.Iseemfatedtopassthroughtheworldwithoutcollidingwithitormovingit—andI’msureIcan’ttellyouwhetherthefate’sgoodorevil.Idon’tdie—Idon’tfallinlove.Andifotherpeopledieorfallinlovetheyalway