Chapter 4

cticeisthesame.ButhadLiliabeendifferentshemightnothavemarriedhim. Thediscoveryofhisinfidelity—whichshemadebyaccident—destroyedsuchremnantsofself-satisfactionasherlifemightyetpossess.ShebrokedownutterlyandsobbedandcriedinPerfetta’sarms.Perfettawaskindandevensympathetic,butcautionedheronnoaccounttospeaktoGino,whowouldbefuriousifhewassuspected.AndLiliaagreed,partlybecauseshewasafraidofhim,partlybecauseitwas,afterall,thebestandmostdignifiedthingtodo.Shehadgivenupeverythingforhim—herdaughter,herrelatives,herfriends,allthelittlecomfortsandluxuriesofacivilizedlife—andevenifshehadthecouragetobreakaway,therewasnoonewhowouldreceivehernow.TheHerritonshadbeenalmostmalignantintheireffortsagainsther,andallherfriendshadonebyonefallenoff.Soitwasbettertoliveonhumbly,tryingnottofeel,endeavouringbyacheerfuldemeanourtoputthingsright.“Perhaps,”shethought,“ifIhaveachildhewillbedifferent.Iknowhewantsason.” Liliahadachievedpathosdespiteherself,fortherearesomesituationsinwhichvulgaritycountsnolonger.NotCordelianorImogenmoredeservesourtears. Sheherselfcriedfrequently,makingherselflookplainandold,whichdistressedherhusband.Hewasparticularlykindtoherwhenhehardlyeversawher,andsheacceptedhiskindnesswithoutresentment,evenwithgratitude,sodocilehadshebecome.Shedidnothatehim,evenasshehadneverlovedhimwithheritwasonlywhenshewasexcitedthatthesemblanceofeitherpassionarose.Peoplesaidshewasheadstrong,butreallyherweakbrainlefthercold. Suffering,however,ismoreindependentoftemperament,andthewisestofwomencouldhardlyhavesufferedmore. AsforGino,hewasquiteasboyishasever,andcarriedhisiniquitieslikeafeather.Afavouritespeechofhiswas,“Ah,oneoughttomarry!SpiridioneiswrongImustpersuadehim.Nottillmarriagedoesonerealizethepleasuresandthepossibilitiesoflife.”Sosaying,hewouldtakedownhisfelthat,strikeitintherightplaceasinfalliblyasaGermanstrikeshisinthewrongplace,andleaveher. Oneevening,whenhehadgoneoutthus,Liliacouldstanditnolonger.ItwasSeptember.Sawstonwouldbejustfillingupafterthesummerholidays.Peoplewouldberunninginandoutofeachother’shousesallalongtheroad.Therewerebicyclegymkhanas,andonthe30thMrs.HerritonwouldbeholdingtheannualbazaarinhergardenfortheC.M.S.Itseemedimpossiblethatsuchafree,happylifecouldexist.Shewalkedoutontotheloggia.Moonlightandstarsinasoftpurplesky.ThewallsofMonterianoshouldbegloriousonsuchanightasthis.Butthehousefacedawayfromthem. Perfettawasbanginginthekitchen,andthestairsdownledpastthekitchendoor.Butthestairsuptotheattic—thestairsnooneeverused—openedoutoftheliving-room,andbyunlockingthedooratthetoponemightslipouttothesquareterraceabovethehouse,andthusfortenminuteswalkinfreedomandpeace. ThekeywasinthepocketofGino’sbestsuit—theEnglishcheck—whichheneverwore.Thestairscreakedandthekey-holescreamedbutPerfettawasgrowingdeaf.Thewallswerebeautiful,butastheyfacedwesttheywereinshadow.Toseethelightuponthemshemustwalkroundthetownalittle,tilltheywerecaughtbythebeamsoftherisingmoon.Shelookedanxiouslyatthehouse,andstarted. Itwaseasywalking,foralittlepathranalloutsidetheramparts.Thefewpeopleshemetwishedheracivilgood-night,takingher,inherhatlesscondition,forapeasant.Thewallstrendedroundtowardsthemoonandpresentlyshecameintoitslight,andsawalltheroughtowersturnintopillarsofsilverandblack,andtherampartsintocliffsofpearl.Shehadnogreatsenseofbeauty,butshewassentimental,andshebegantocryforhere,whereagreatcypressinterruptedthemonotonyofthegirdleofolives