Chapter XXXVI

listlesseyesatthelongavenueofelm-trees,bareofleaf.Theskywasgrayandthecloudsheavyandlow.Berthanowwasapalewomanofthirty,stillbeautiful,withcurling,abundanthairbutherdarkeyeshadunderthemstilldarkerlines,andtheirfirewashalfgone.Betweenherbrowswasalittleverticalline,andherlipshadlostthejoyousnessofyouth,thecornersofhermouthturneddownwithamelancholyexpression.Thefacewasthinandextremelypalebutwhatchieflystruckonewasthatsheseemedsoutterlyweary.Herfeaturesremainedsingularlyimmobile,andtherewasinhereyesanapathythatwasverypainful.Hereyessaidthatshehadlovedandfoundlovewanting,thatshehadbeenamotherandthatherchildhaddied,andthatnowshedesirednothingverystronglybuttobeleftinpeace. Berthawasindeedtiredout,inbodyandmind,tiredofloveandhate,tiredwithfriendshipandknowledge,tiredwiththepassingyears.HerthoughtwanderedtothefutureandshedecidedtoleaveBlackstable,andletCourtLeys,sothatinnomomentofweaknessmightshebetemptedtoreturn.Andfirstsheintendedtotravel,wishingtoliveinplaceswhereshewasunknown,soasmoreeasilytoforgetthepast.Bertha’smemorybroughtbackItaly,thelandofthosewhosufferinunfulfilleddesire,thelotusland.Shewouldgothereandshewouldgofarther,evertowardsthesunfornowshehadnotiesonearth,andatlast,atlastshewasfree. Themelancholydayclosedinthegreatcloudshangingoverheaddarkenedwithapproachingnight.Bertharememberedhowreadyinhergirlhoodshehadbeentopourherselfouttotheworld.Feelingintensefellowshipwithallhumanbeings,shewishedtothrowherselfintotheirarms,thinkingthattheywouldbeoutstretchedtoreceiveher.Herlifeseemedtooverflowintothelivesofothers,becomingonewiththeirsasthewaterofriversbecomesonewiththesea.Butverysoonthepowershehadfeltofdoingallthisdepartedsherecognisedabarrierbetweenherselfandhumankind,an