Chapter XXXI

knewbetterthananyonewhatlovewas.Sheexultedtothinkthathiswasthereallove,andcompareditwithherhusband’spallidflame.Geraldlovedherwithallhisheart,withallhissoulhetrembledwithdesireathertouchandhispassionwasanagonythatblanchedhischeek.Shecouldnotmistaketheeagerlongingofhiseyes.Ah,thatwastheloveshewanted—thelovethatkillsandthelovethatengenders.Howcouldsheregretthathelovedher?Shestoodup,stretchingoutherarmsintriumph,andintheemptyroom,herlipsformedthewords— “Come,mybeloved,come—forIloveyou!” Butthemorningbroughtanintolerabledepression.Berthasawthentheutterfutilityofherlove:hermarriage,hisdeparture,madeitimpossiblethedisparityofagemadeitevengrotesque.Butshecouldnotdulltheachingofherheart,shecouldnotstophertears. Geraldarrivedatmiddayandfoundheralone.Heapproachedalmosttimidly. “You’vebeencrying,Bertha.” “I’vebeenveryunhappy,”shesaid.“Oh,please,Gerald,forgetouridiocyofyesterday.Don’tsayanythingtomethatImustn’thear.” “Ican’thelplovingyou.” “Don’tyouseethatit’salluttermadness!” Shewasangrywithherselfforlovinghim,angrywithGeraldbecausehehadarousedinherapassionthatmadeherdespiseherself.Itseemedhorribleandunnaturalthatsheshouldbewillingtothrowherselfintothearmsofadissoluteboy,anditloweredherinherownestimation.Hecaughttheexpressionofhereyes,andsomethingofitsmeaning. “Oh,don’tlookatmelikethat,Bertha.Youlookasifyoualmosthatedme.” Sheansweredgravely,“Iloveyouwithallmyheart,GeraldandI’mashamed.” “Howcanyou!”hecried,withsuchpaininhisvoicethatBerthacouldnotbearit. “Thewholethingisawful,”shegroaned.“ForGod’ssakeletustrytoforgetit.I’veonlysucceededinmakingyouentirelywretched.Theonlyremedyistopartquickly.” “Ican’tleaveyou,Bertha.Letmestay.” “It’simpossible.Youmustgo,nowmorethanever.” TheywereinterruptedbytheappearanceofMissLey,whobegantotalkbuttohersurpriseneitherBerthanorGeraldshowedtheirusualvivacity. “Whatisthematterwithyoubothto-day?”sheasked.“You’reunusuallyattentivetomyobservations.” “I’mrathertired,”saidBertha,“andIhaveaheadache.” MissLeylookedatBerthamoreclosely,andfanciedthatshehadbeencryingGeraldalsoseemedprofoundlymiserable.Surely....Thenthetruthdawneduponher,andshecouldhardlyrepressherastonishment. “GoodHeavens!”shethought,“Imusthavebeenblind.Howluckyhe’sgoinginaweek!” MissLeynowrememberedadozenoccurrenceswhichhadescapedhernotice,andwasabsolutelyconfounded. “Uponmyword,”shethoug