Chapter XXVII

fection—goodGod,whatdoIwantwithesteem!Itrequiresacertainintelligencetolove,andhehasn’tgotit.Itellyouhe’safool.Oh,whenIthinkthatI’mshackledtohimfortherestofmylife,IfeelIcouldkillmyself.” “Comenow,he’snotsuchafoolasallthat.Everyoneagreesthathe’saverysmartmanofbusiness.AndIcan’thelpsayingthatI’vealwaysthoughtyoudiduncommonlywellwhenyouinsistedonmarryinghim.” “Itwasallyourfault,”criedBertha.“Ifyouhadn’topposedme,Imightnothavemarriedsoquickly.Oh,youdon’tknowhowI’veregrettedit....IwishIcouldseehimdeadatmyfeet.” Dr.Ramsaywhistled.Hismindworkedsomewhatslowly,andhewasbecomingconfusedwiththeoverthrowofhischerishedopinions,andthevehemencewithwhichtheunpleasantoperationwasconducted. “Ididn’tknowthingswerelikethis.” “Ofcourseyoudidn’t!”saidBertha,scornfully.“BecauseIsmiledandhidmysorrow,youthoughtIwashappy.WhenIlookbackonthewretchednessI’vegonethrough,IwonderthatIcaneverhaveborneit.” “Ican’tbelievethatthisisveryserious.You’llbeofadifferentmindto-morrow,andwonderthatsuchthingseverenteredyourhead.Youmustn’tmindanoldchaplikemetellingyouthatyou’reveryheadstrongandimpulsive.Afterall,Edwardisafinefellow,andIcan’tbelievethathewouldwillinglyhurtyourfeelings.” “Oh,forheaven’ssakedon’tgivememoreofEdward’spraises.” “Iwonderifyou’realittlejealousofthewayhe’sgoton?”askedthedoctor,lookingathersharply. Berthablushed,forshehadaskedherselfthesamequestion,andmuchscornwasneededtorefuteit. “I?Mydeardoctor,youforget!Oh,don’tyouunderstandthatitisn’tapassingwhim?It’sdreadfullyserioustome—I’vebornethemiserytillIcanbearitnolonger.Youmusthelpmetogetaway.Ifyouhaveanyofyouroldaffectionforme,dowhatyoucan.IwanttogoawaybutIdon’twanttohaveanymorerowswithEdwardIjustwanttoleavehimquietly.It’snogoodtryingtomakehimunderstandthatwe’reincompatible.Hethinksthatit’senoughformyhappinessjusttobehiswife.He’sofiron,andIampitifullyweak....Iusedtothinkmyselfsostrong!” “AmItotakeitthatyou’reabsolutelyserious?Doyouwanttotaketheextremestepofseparatingfromyourhusband?” “It’sanextremestepthatI’vetakenbefore.LasttimeIwentwithaflourishoftrumpets,butnowIwanttogowithoutanyfussatall.IstilllovedEdwardthen,butIhaveevenceasedtohatehim.Oh,IknewIwasafooltocomeback,butIcouldn’thelpit.Heaskedmetoreturn,andIdid.” “Well,Idon’tknowwhatIcandoforyou.Ican’thelpthinkingthatifyouwaitalittlethingswillgetbetter.” “Ican’twaitanylonger.I’vewaitedtoolong.I’mlosingmywholelife.” “Whydon’tyougoawayforafewmonths,andthenyoucansee?MissLeyisgoingtoItalyforthewinterasusual,isn’tshe?Uponmyword,Ithinkitwoulddoyougoodtogotoo.” “Idon’tmindwhatIdosolongasIcangetaway.I’msufferingtoomuch.” “HaveyouthoughtthatEdwardwillmissyou?”askedDr.Ramsay,gravely. “No,hewon’t.Goodheavens,don’tyouthinkIknowhimbynow?Iknowhimthroughandthrough.Andhe’scallous,andselfish,andstupid.Andhe’smakingmelikehimself....Oh,Dr.Ramsay,pleasehelpme.” “DoesMissLeyknow?”askedthedoctor,rememberingwhatshehadtoldhimonhervisittoCo