Chapter XXVII

TIMEpassedslowly,slowly.Berthawrappedherprideaboutherlikeacloak,butsometimesitseemedtooheavytobearandshenearlyfainted.Therestraintwhichsheimposeduponherselfwasoftenintolerableangerandhatredseethedwithinher,butsheforcedherselftopreservethesmilingfacewhichpeoplehadalwaysseen.Shesufferedintenselyfromherlonelinessofspirit,shehadnotasoultowhomshecouldtellherunhappiness.Itisterribletohavenomeansofexpressingoneself,tokeepimprisonedalwaystheanguishthatgnawsatone’sheart-strings.Itiswellenoughforthewriter,hecanfindsolaceinhiswords,hecantellhissecretandyetnotbetrayit:butthewomanhasonlysilence. BerthaloathedEdwardnowwithsuchangry,physicalrepulsionthatshecouldnotbearhistouchandeveryonesheknew,washisadmiringfriend.HowcouldshetellFannyGloverthatEdwardwasafoolwhoboredhertodeath,whenFannyGloverthoughthimthebestandmostvirtuousofmankind?ShewasannoyedthatintheuniversalestimationEdwardshouldhaveeclipsedhersoentirely:oncehisonlyimportancelayinthefactthathewasherhusband,butnowthepositionswerereversed.Shefounditveryirksomethustoshinewithreflectedlight,andatthesametimedespisedherselfforthepettyjealousy.ShecouldnothelprememberingthatCourtLeyswashers,andthatifshechoseshecouldsendEdwardawaylikeahiredservant. Atlastshefeltitimpossiblelongertoendurehiscompanyhemadeherstupidandvulgarshewasillandweak,andsheutterlydespaired.Shemadeuphermindtogoawayagain,thistimeforever. “IfIstay,Ishallkillmyself.” FortwodaysEdwardhadbeenutterlymiserableafavouritedoghaddied,andhewasbroughttothevergeoftears.Berthawatchedhimcontemptuously. “Youaremoreaffectedoverthedeathofawretchedpoodlethanyouhaveeverbeenoverapainofmine.” “Oh,don’tragmenow,there’sagoodgirl.Ican’tbearit.” “Fool!”mutteredBertha,underherbreath. Hewentaboutwithhangingheadandmelancholyface,tellingeveryonetheparticularsofthebeast’sdemise,inavoicequiveringwithemotion. “Poorfellow!”saidMissGlover.“Hehassuchagoodheart.” Berthacouldhardlyrepressthebitterinvectivethatrosetoherlips.Ifpeopleknewthecoldnesswithwhichhehadmetherlove,theindifferencehehadshowntohertearsandtoherdespair!Shedespisedherselfwhensherememberedtheutterself-abasementofthepast. “Hemademedrinkthecupofhumiliationtotheverydregs.” Fromtheheightofherdisdainshesummedhimupforthethousandthtime.Itwasinexplicablethatshehadbeensubjecttoamansopaltryinmind,sodespicableincharacter.Itmadeherblushwithshametothinkhowservilehadbeenherlove. Dr.Ramsay,whowasvisitingBerthaforsometrivialill,happenedtocomeinwhenshewasengagedwithsuchthoughts. “Well,”hesaid,assoonashehadtakenbreath.“AndhowisEdwardto-day?” “Goodheavens,howshouldIknow?”shecried,besideherself,thewordsslippingoutunawaresafterthelongconstraint. “Hulloa,what’sthis?Havetheturtle-doveshadatiffatlast?” “Oh,I’msickofcontinuallyhearingEdward’spraises.I’msickofbeingtreatedasanappendagetohim.” “What’sthematterwithyou,Bertha?”saidthedoctor,burstingintoashoutoflaughter.“Ialwaysth