CHAPTER XXXV. FRATERNITY.

ofaffection—onhishard,cold,monkishheart.” “TrueIremembernow.PèreSilasdidsaythathisvocationwasalmostthatofapriest—thathislifewasconsideredconsecrated.” “Bywhatbondsorduties?” “Bythetiesofthepastandthecharitiesofthepresent.” “Youhave,then,thewholesituation?” “IhavenowtoldMonsieurallthatwastoldme.” Somemeditativeminutespassed. “Now,MademoiselleLucy,lookatme,andwiththattruthwhichIbelieveyouneverknowinglyviolate,answermeonequestion.Raiseyoureyesrestthemonminehavenohesitationfearnottotrustme—Iamamantobetrusted.” Iraisedmyeyes. “Knowingmethoroughlynow—allmyantecedents,allmyresponsibilities—havinglongknownmyfaults,canyouandIstillbefriends?” “IfMonsieurwantsafriendinme,Ishallbegladtohaveafriendinhim.” “ButaclosefriendImean—intimateandreal—kindredinallbutblood.WillMissLucybethesisterofaverypoor,fettered,burdened,encumberedman?” Icouldnotanswerhiminwords,yetIsupposeIdidanswerhimhetookmyhand,whichfoundcomfort,intheshelterofhis.Hisfriendshipwasnotadoubtful,waveringbenefit—acold,distanthope—asentimentsobrittleasnottobeartheweightofafinger:Iatoncefelt(orthoughtIfelt)itssupportlikethatofsomerock. “WhenItalkoffriendship,Imeantruefriendship,”herepeatedemphaticallyandIcouldhardlybelievethatwordssoearnesthadblessedmyearIhardlycouldcredittherealityofthatkind,anxiouslookhegave.Ifhereallywishedformyconfidenceandregard,andreallywouldgivemehis—why,itseemedtomethatlifecouldoffernothingmoreorbetter.Inthatcase,Iwasbecomestrongandrich:inamomentIwasmadesubstantiallyhappy.Toascertainthefact,tofixandsealit,Iasked— “IsMonsieurquiteserious?Doeshereallythinkheneedsme,andcantakeaninterestinmeasasister?” “Surely,surely,”saidhe“alonelymanlikeme,whohasnosister,mustbebuttoogladtofindinsomewoman’sheartasister’spureaffection.” “AnddareIrelyonMonsieur’sregard?DareIspeaktohimwhenIamsoinclined?” “Mylittlesistermustmakeherownexperiments,”saidhe“Iwillgivenopromises.Shemustteaseandtryherwaywardbrothertillshehasdrilledhimintowhatshewishes.Afterall,heisnoinductilematerialinsomehands.” Whilehespoke,thetoneofhisvoice,thelightofhisnowaffectionateeye,gavemesuchapleasureas,certainly,Ihadneverfelt.Ienviednogirlherlover,nobrideherbridegroom,nowifeherhusbandIwascontentwiththismyvoluntary,self-offeringfriend.Ifhewouldbutprovereliable,andhelookedreliable,what,beyondhisfriendship,couldIevercovet?But,ifallmeltedlikeadream,asoncebeforehadhappened—? “Qu’est-cedonc?Whatisit?”saidhe,asthisthoughtthrewitsweightonmyheart,itsshadowonmycountenance.Itoldhimandafteramoment’spause,andathoughtfulsmile,heshowedmehowanequalfear—lestIshouldwearyofhim,amanofmoodssodifficultandfitful—hadhauntedhismindformorethanoneday,oronemonth. Onhearingthis,aquietcouragecheeredme.Iventuredawordofre-assurance.Thatwordwasnotonlytolerateditsrepetitionwascourted.Igrewquitehappy—strangelyhappy—inmakinghimsecure,content,tranquil.Yesterday,Icouldnothavebelievedthatearthheld,orlifeafforded,momentslikethefewIwasnowpassing.Countlesstimesithadbeenmylottowatchapprehendedsorrowclosedarklyinbuttoseeunhoped-forhappinesstakeform,findplace,andgrowmorerealasthesecondssped,wasindeedanewexperience. “Lucy,”saidM.Paul,speakinglow,andstillholdingmyhand,“didyouseeapictureintheboudoiroftheoldhouse?” “Ididapicturepaintedonapanel.” “Theportraitofanun?” “Yes.” “Youheardherhistory?” “Yes.” “Yourememberwhatwesawthatnightintheberceau?” “Ishallneverforgetit.” “Youdidnotconnectthetwoideasthatwouldbefolly?” “IthoughtoftheapparitionwhenIsawtheportrait,”saidIwhichwastrueenough. “Youdidnot,norwillyoufancy,”pursuedhe,“thatasaintinheavenperturbsherselfwithrivalriesofearth?Protestantsarerarelysuperstitiousthesemorbidfancieswillnotbesetyou?” “IknownotwhattothinkofthismatterbutIbelieveaperfectlynaturalsolutionofthisseemingmysterywillonedaybearrivedat.” “Doubtless,doubtless.Besides,nogood-livingwoman—muchlessapure,happyspirit—wouldtroubleamitylikeoursn’est-ilpasvrai?” EreIcouldanswer,FifineBeckburstin,rosyandabrupt,callingoutthatIwaswanted.HermotherwasgoingintotowntocallonsomeEnglishfamily,whohadappliedforaprospectus:myserviceswereneededasinterpreter.Theinterruptionwasnotunseasonable:sufficientforthedayisalwaystheevilforthishour,itsgoodsufficed.YetIshouldhavelikedtoaskM.Paulwhetherthe“morbidfancies,”againstwhichhewarnedme,wroughtinhisownbrain.