CHAPTER VI. LONDON.

emember,atthesametime,thepositioninwhichIwasplaceditshazardous—somewouldhavesaiditshopeless—characterIfeelthat,as— Stonewallsdonotaprisonmake, Norironbars—acage, soperil,loneliness,anuncertainfuture,arenotoppressiveevils,solongastheframeishealthyandthefacultiesareemployedsolong,especially,asLibertylendsusherwings,andHopeguidesusbyherstar. IwasnotsicktilllongafterwepassedMargate,anddeepwasthepleasureIdrankinwiththesea-breezedivinethedelightIdrewfromtheheavingChannelwaves,fromthesea-birdsontheirridges,fromthewhitesailsontheirdarkdistance,fromthequietyetbecloudedsky,overhangingall.Inmyreverie,methoughtIsawthecontinentofEurope,likeawidedream-land,faraway.Sunshinelayonit,makingthelongcoastonelineofgoldtiniesttraceryofclusteredtownandsnow-gleamingtower,ofwoodsdeepmassed,ofheightsserrated,ofsmoothpasturageandveinystream,embossedthemetal-brightprospect.Forbackground,spreadasky,solemnanddarkblue,and—grandwithimperialpromise,softwithtintsofenchantment—strodefromnorthtosouthaGod-bentbow,anarchofhope. Cancelthewholeofthat,ifyouplease,reader—orratherletitstand,anddrawthenceamoral—analliterative,text-handcopy— Day-dreamsaredelusionsofthedemon. Becomingexcessivelysick,Ifaltereddownintothecabin. MissFanshawe’sberthchancedtobenextmineand,Iamsorrytosay,shetormentedmewithanunsparingselfishnessduringthewholetimeofourmutualdistress.Nothingcouldexceedherimpatienceandfretfulness.TheWatsons,whowereverysicktoo,andonwhomthestewardessattendedwithshamelesspartiality,werestoicscomparedwithher.ManyatimesincehaveInoticed,inpersonsofGinevraFanshawe’slight,carelesstemperament,andfair,fragilestyleofbeauty,anentireincapacitytoendure:theyseemtosourinadversity,likesmallbeerinthunder.Themanwhotakessuchawomanforhiswife,oughttobepreparedtoguaranteeheranexistenceallsunshine.Indignantatlastwithherteasingpeevishness,Icurtlyrequestedher“toholdhertongue.”Therebuffdidhergood,anditwasobservablethatshelikedmenoworseforit. Asdarknightdrewon,thesearoughened:largerwavesswayedstrongagainstthevessel’sside.Itwasstrangetoreflectthatblacknessandwaterwereroundus,andtofeeltheshipploughingstraightonherpathlessway,despitenoise,billow,andrisinggale.Articlesoffurniturebegantofallabout,anditbecameneedfultolashthemtotheirplacesthepassengersgrewsickerthaneverMissFanshawedeclared,withgroans,thatshemustdie. “Notjustyet,honey,”saidthestewardess.“We’rejustinport.”Accordingly,inanotherquarterofanhour,acalmfelluponusallandaboutmidnightthevoyageended. Iwassorry:yes,Iwassorry.Myresting-timewaspastmydifficulties—mystringentdifficulties—recommenced.WhenIwentondeck,thecoldairandblackscowlofthenightseemedtorebukemeformypresumptioninbeingwhereIwas:thelightsoftheforeignsea-porttown,glimmeringroundtheforeignharbour,metmelikeunnumberedthreateningeyes.FriendscameonboardtowelcometheWatsonsawholefamilyoffriendssurroundedandboreawayMissFanshaweI—butIdarednotforonemomentdwellonacomparisonofpositions. YetwhereshouldIgo?Imustgosomewhere.Necessitydarenotbenice.AsIgavethestewardessherfee—andsheseemedsurprisedatreceivingacoinofmorevaluethan,fromsuchaquarter,hercoarsecalculationshadprobablyreckonedon—Isaid,“Bekindenoughtodirectmetosomequiet,respectableinn,whereIcangoforthenight.” Shenotonlygavemetherequireddirection,butcalledacommissionaire,andbidhimtakechargeofme,and—notmytrunk,forthatwasgonetothecustom-house. Ifollowedthismanalongarudely-pavedstreet,litnowbyafitfulgleamofmoonlighthebroughtmetotheinn.Iofferedhimsixpence,whichherefusedtotakesupposingitnotenough,Ichangeditforashillingbutthisalsohedeclined,speakingrathersharply,inalanguagetomeunknown.Awaiter,comingforwardintothelamp-litinn-passage,remindedme,inbrokenEnglish,thatmymoneywasforeignmoney,notcurrenthere.Igavehimasovereigntochange.Thislittlemattersettled,IaskedforabedroomsupperIcouldnottake:Iwasstillsea-sickandunnerved,andtremblingallover.HowdeeplygladIwaswhenthedoorofaverysmallchamberatlengthclosedonmeandmyexhaustion.AgainImightrest:thoughthecloudofdoubtwouldbeasthickto-morrowaseverthenecessityforexertionmoreurgent,theperil(ofdestitution)nearer,theconflict(forexistence)moresevere.