XXIV

rness.WhenIunderstoodhisintention,however,andatthesametimebegantothinkthatwehadbeenperhapsequallymistakenineachother’smeaning,Iresolvedtohaveanexplanationbeforeitwastoolate.ForanymemberofyourfamilyImustalwaysfeeladegreeofaffection,andIownitwouldhavesensiblyhurtmeifmyacquaintancewithMr.DeCourcyhadendedsogloomily.Ihavenowonlytosayfurther,thatasIamconvincedofFrederica’shavingareasonabledisliketoSirJames,Ishallinstantlyinformhimthathemustgiveupallhopeofher.Ireproachmyselfforhaving,eventhoughinnocently,madeherunhappyonthatscore.SheshallhavealltheretributioninmypowertomakeifshevalueherownhappinessasmuchasIdo,ifshejudgewisely,andcommandherselfassheought,shemaynowbeeasy.Excuseme,mydearestsister,forthustrespassingonyourtime,butIoweittomyowncharacterandafterthisexplanationItrustIaminnodangerofsinkinginyouropinion.”Icouldhavesaid,“Notmuch,indeed!”butIleftheralmostinsilence.ItwasthegreateststretchofforbearanceIcouldpractise.IcouldnothavestoppedmyselfhadIbegun.Herassurance!herdeceit!butIwillnotallowmyselftodwellonthemtheywillstrikeyousufficiently.Myheartsickenswithinme.AssoonasIwastolerablycomposedIreturnedtotheparlour.SirJames’scarriagewasatthedoor,andhe,merryasusual,soonafterwardstookhisleave.Howeasilydoesherladyshipencourageordismissalover!Inspiteofthisrelease,Fredericastilllooksunhappy:stillfearful,perhaps,ofhermother’sangerandthoughdreadingmybrother’sdeparture,jealous,itmaybe,ofhisstaying.IseehowcloselysheobserveshimandLadySusan,poorgirl!Ihavenownohopeforher.Thereisnotachanceofheraffectionbeingreturned.Hethinksverydifferentlyofherfromwhatheusedtodohedoeshersomejustice,buthisreconciliationwithhermotherprecludeseverydearerhope.Prepare,mydearmother,fortheworst!Theprobabilityoftheirmarryingissurelyheightened!Heismoresecurelyhersthanever.Whenthatwretchedeventtakesplace,Fredericamustbelongwhollytous.Iamthankfulthatmylastletterwillprecedethisbysolittle,aseverymomentthatyoucanbesavedfromfeelingajoywhichleadsonlytodisappointmentisofconsequence. Yoursever,&c., CATHERINEVERNON.