CHAPTER XIII

askepthisword!”growledmyfuturehost,searchingthedarknessbeyondmeinexpectationofdiscoveringHeathcliffandthenheindulgedinasoliloquyofexecrations,andthreatsofwhathewouldhavedonehadthe“fiend”deceivedhim. Irepentedhavingtriedthissecondentrance,andwasalmostinclinedtoslipawaybeforehefinishedcursing,butereIcouldexecutethatintention,heorderedmein,andshutandre-fastenedthedoor.Therewasagreatfire,andthatwasallthelightinthehugeapartment,whosefloorhadgrownauniformgreyandtheoncebrilliantpewter-dishes,whichusedtoattractmygazewhenIwasagirl,partookofasimilarobscurity,createdbytarnishanddust.IinquiredwhetherImightcallthemaid,andbeconductedtoabedroom!Mr.Earnshawvouchsafednoanswer.Hewalkedupanddown,withhishandsinhispockets,apparentlyquiteforgettingmypresenceandhisabstractionwasevidentlysodeep,andhiswholeaspectsomisanthropical,thatIshrankfromdisturbinghimagain. You’llnotbesurprised,Ellen,atmyfeelingparticularlycheerless,seatedinworsethansolitudeonthatinhospitablehearth,andrememberingthatfourmilesdistantlaymydelightfulhome,containingtheonlypeopleIlovedonearthandtheremightaswellbetheAtlantictopartus,insteadofthosefourmiles:Icouldnotoverpassthem!Iquestionedwithmyself—wheremustIturnforcomfort?and—mindyoudon’ttellEdgar,orCatherine—aboveeverysorrowbeside,thisrosepre-eminent:despairatfindingnobodywhocouldorwouldbemyallyagainstHeathcliff!IhadsoughtshelteratWutheringHeights,almostgladly,becauseIwassecuredbythatarrangementfromlivingalonewithhimbutheknewthepeoplewewerecomingamongst,andhedidnotfeartheirintermeddling. Isatandthoughtadolefultime:theclockstruckeight,andnine,andstillmycompanionpacedtoandfro,hisheadbentonhisbreast,andperfectlysilent,unlessagroanorabitterejaculationforceditselfoutatintervals.Ilistenedtodetectawoman’svoiceinthehouse,andfilledtheinterimwithwildregretsanddismalanticipations,which,atlast,spokeaudiblyinirrepressiblesighingandweeping.IwasnotawarehowopenlyIgrieved,tillEarnshawhaltedopposite,inhismeasuredwalk,andgavemeastareofnewly-awakenedsurprise.Takingadvantageofhisrecoveredattention,Iexclaimed—“I’mtiredwithmyjourney,andIwanttogotobed!Whereisthemaid-servant?Directmetoher,asshewon’tcometome!” “Wehavenone,”heanswered“youmustwaitonyourself!” “WheremustIsleep,then?”IsobbedIwasbeyondregardingself-respect,weigheddownbyfatigueandwretchedness. “JosephwillshowyouHeathcliff’schamber,”saidhe“openthatdoor—he’sinthere.” Iwasgoingtoobey,buthesuddenlyarrestedme,andaddedinthestrangesttone—“Besogoodastoturnyourlock,anddrawyourbolt—don’tomitit!” “Well!”Isaid.“Butwhy,Mr.Earnshaw?”IdidnotrelishthenotionofdeliberatelyfasteningmyselfinwithHeathcliff. “Lookhere!”hereplied,pullingfromhiswaistcoatacuriously-constructedpistol,havingadouble-edgedspringknifeattachedtothebarrel.“That’sagreattemptertoadesperateman,isitnot?Icannotresistgoingupwiththiseverynight,andtryinghisdoor.IfonceIfinditopenhe’sdoneforIdoitinvariably,eventhoughtheminutebeforeIhavebeenrecallingahundredreasonsthatshouldmakemerefrain:itissomedevilthaturgesmetothwartmyownschemesbykillinghim.Youfightagainstthatdevilforloveaslongasyoumaywhenthetimecomes,notalltheangelsinheavenshallsavehim!” Isurveyedtheweaponinquisitively.Ahideousnotionstruckme:howpowerfulIshouldbepossessingsuchaninstrument!Itookitfromhishand,andtouchedtheblade.Helookedastonishedattheexpressionmyfaceassumedduringabriefsecond:itwasnothorror,itwascovetousness.Hesnatchedthepistolback,jealouslyshuttheknife,andreturnedittoitsconcealment. “Idon’tcareifyoutellhim,”saidhe.“Puthimonhisguard,andwatchforhim.Youknowthetermsweareon,Isee:hisdangerdoesnotshockyou.” “WhathasHeathcliffdonetoyou?”Iasked.“Inwhathashewrongedyou,towarrantthisappallinghatred?Wouldn’titbewisertobidhimquitthehouse?” “No!”thunderedEarnshaw“shouldheoffertoleaveme,he’sadeadman:persuadehimtoattemptit,andyouareamurderess!AmItoloseall,withoutachanceofretrieval?IsHaretontobeabeggar?Oh,damnation!IwillhaveitbackandI’llhavehisgoldtooandthenhisbloodandhellshal