CHAPTER XII

natall.Iwasachildmyfatherwasjustburied,andmymiseryarosefromtheseparationthatHindleyhadorderedbetweenmeandHeathcliff.Iwaslaidalone,forthefirsttimeand,rousingfromadismaldozeafteranightofweeping,Iliftedmyhandtopushthepanelsaside:itstruckthetable-top!Isweptitalongthecarpet,andthenmemoryburstin:mylateanguishwasswallowedinaparoxysmofdespair.IcannotsaywhyIfeltsowildlywretched:itmusthavebeentemporaryderangementforthereisscarcelycause.But,supposingattwelveyearsoldIhadbeenwrenchedfromtheHeights,andeveryearlyassociation,andmyallinall,asHeathcliffwasatthattime,andbeenconvertedatastrokeintoMrs.Linton,theladyofThrushcrossGrange,andthewifeofastranger:anexile,andoutcast,thenceforth,fromwhathadbeenmyworld.YoumayfancyaglimpseoftheabysswhereIgrovelled!Shakeyourheadasyouwill,Nelly,youhavehelpedtounsettleme!YoushouldhavespokentoEdgar,indeedyoushould,andcompelledhimtoleavemequiet!Oh,I’mburning!IwishIwereoutofdoors!IwishIwereagirlagain,halfsavageandhardy,andfreeandlaughingatinjuries,notmaddeningunderthem!WhyamIsochanged?whydoesmybloodrushintoahelloftumultatafewwords?I’msureIshouldbemyselfwereIonceamongtheheatheronthosehills.Openthewindowagainwide:fastenitopen!Quick,whydon’tyoumove?” “BecauseIwon’tgiveyouyourdeathofcold,”Ianswered. “Youwon’tgivemeachanceoflife,youmean,”shesaidsullenly.“However,I’mnothelplessyetI’llopenitmyself.” AndslidingfromthebedbeforeIcouldhinderher,shecrossedtheroom,walkingveryuncertainly,threwitback,andbentout,carelessofthefrostyairthatcutabouthershouldersaskeenasaknife.Ientreated,andfinallyattemptedtoforcehertoretire.ButIsoonfoundherdeliriousstrengthmuchsurpassedmine(shewasdelirious,Ibecameconvincedbyhersubsequentactionsandravings).Therewasnomoon,andeverythingbeneathlayinmistydarkness:notalightgleamedfromanyhouse,farornearallhadbeenextinguishedlongago:andthoseatWutheringHeightswerenevervisible—stillsheassertedshecaughttheirshining. “Look!”shecriedeagerly,“that’smyroomwiththecandleinit,andthetreesswayingbeforeitandtheothercandleisinJoseph’sgarret.Josephsitsuplate,doesn’the?He’swaitingtillIcomehomethathemaylockthegate.Well,he’llwaitawhileyet.It’saroughjourney,andasadhearttotravelitandwemustpassbyGimmertonKirktogothatjourney!We’vebraveditsghostsoftentogether,anddaredeachothertostandamongthegravesandaskthemtocome.But,Heathcliff,ifIdareyounow,willyouventure?Ifyoudo,I’llkeepyou.I’llnotlietherebymyself:theymayburymetwelvefeetdeep,andthrowthechurchdownoverme,butIwon’tresttillyouarewithme.Ineverwill!” Shepaused,andresumedwithastrangesmile.“He’sconsidering—he’dratherI’dcometohim!Findaway,then!notthroughthatkirkyard.Youareslow!Becontent,youalwaysfollowedme!” Perceivingitvaintoargueagainstherinsanity,IwasplanninghowIcouldreachsomethingtowrapabouther,withoutquittingmyholdofherself(forIcouldnottrustheralonebythegapinglattice),when,tomyconsternation,Iheardtherattleofthedoor-handle,andMr.Lintonentered.Hehadonlythencomefromthelibraryand,inpassingthroughthelobby,hadnoticedourtalkingandbeenattractedbycuriosity,orfear,toexaminewhatitsignified,atthatlatehour. “Oh,sir!”Icried,checkingtheexclamationrisentohislipsatthesightwhichmethim,andthebleakatmosphereofthechamber.“Mypoormistressisill,andshequitemastersme:Icannotmanageheratallpray,comeandpersuadehertogotobed.Forgetyouranger,forshe’shardtoguideanywaybutherown.” “Catherineill?”hesaid,hasteningtous.“Shutthewindow,Ellen!Catherine!why—” Hewassilent.ThehaggardnessofMrs.Linton’sappearancesmotehimspeechless,andhecouldonlyglancefromhertomeinhorrifiedastonishment. “She’sbeenfrettinghere,”Icontinued,“andeatingscarcelyanything,andnevercomplaining:shewouldadmitnoneofustillthisevening,andsowecouldn’tinformyouofherstate,aswewerenotawareofitourselvesbutitisnothing.” IfeltIutteredmyexplanationsawkwardlythemasterfrowned.“Itisnothing,isit,EllenDean?”hesaidsternly.“Youshallaccountmoreclearlyforkeepingmeignorantofthis!”Andhetookhiswifeinhisarms,andlookedatherwithanguish. Atfirstshegavehimnoglanceofrecognition:hewasinvisibletoherabstractedgaze.Thedeliriumwasnotfixed,howeverhavingweanedhereyesfromcontemplatingtheouterdarkness,bydegreesshecentredherattentiononhim,anddiscoveredwhoitwasthatheldher. “Ah!youarecome,areyou,EdgarLinton?”shesaid,withangryanimation.“Youareoneofthosethingsthatareeverfoundwhenleastwanted,andwhenyouarewanted,never!Isupposeweshallhaveplentyoflamentationsnow—Iseeweshall—buttheycan’tkeepmefrommynarrowhomeoutyonder:myresting-place,whereI’mboundbeforespringisover!Thereitis:notamongtheLintons,mind,underthechapel-roof,butintheopenair,withahead-stoneandy