CHAPTER IX

.I,supposingshewasgoingtosaysomething,lookedup.Theexpressionofherfaceseemeddisturbedandanxious.Herlipswerehalfasunder,asifshemeanttospeak,andshedrewabreathbutitescapedinasighinsteadofasentence.Iresumedmysongnothavingforgottenherrecentbehaviour. “Where’sHeathcliff?”shesaid,interruptingme. “Abouthisworkinthestable,”wasmyanswer. Hedidnotcontradictmeperhapshehadfallenintoadoze.Therefollowedanotherlongpause,duringwhichIperceivedadroportwotricklefromCatherine’scheektotheflags.Isshesorryforhershamefulconduct?—Iaskedmyself.Thatwillbeanovelty:butshemaycometothepointasshewill—Isha’n’thelpher!No,shefeltsmalltroubleregardinganysubject,saveherownconcerns. “Oh,dear!”shecriedatlast.“I’mveryunhappy!” “Apity,”observedI.“You’rehardtopleasesomanyfriendsandsofewcares,andcan’tmakeyourselfcontent!” “Nelly,willyoukeepasecretforme?”shepursued,kneelingdownbyme,andliftingherwinsomeeyestomyfacewiththatsortoflookwhichturnsoffbadtemper,evenwhenonehasalltherightintheworldtoindulgeit. “Isitworthkeeping?”Iinquired,lesssulkily. “Yes,anditworriesme,andImustletitout!IwanttoknowwhatIshoulddo.To-day,EdgarLintonhasaskedmetomarryhim,andI’vegivenhimananswer.Now,beforeItellyouwhetheritwasaconsentordenial,youtellmewhichitoughttohavebeen.” “Really,MissCatherine,howcanIknow?”Ireplied.“Tobesure,consideringtheexhibitionyouperformedinhispresencethisafternoon,Imightsayitwouldbewisetorefusehim:sinceheaskedyouafterthat,hemusteitherbehopelesslystupidoraventuresomefool.” “Ifyoutalkso,Iwon’ttellyouanymore,”shereturned,peevishlyrisingtoherfeet.“Iacceptedhim,Nelly.Bequick,andsaywhetherIwaswrong!” “Youacceptedhim!Thenwhatgoodisitdiscussingthematter?Youhavepledgedyourword,andcannotretract.” “ButsaywhetherIshouldhavedoneso—do!”sheexclaimedinanirritatedtonechafingherhandstogether,andfrowning. “Therearemanythingstobeconsideredbeforethatquestioncanbeansweredproperly,”Isaid,sententiously.“Firstandforemost,doyouloveMr.Edgar?” “Whocanhelpit?OfcourseIdo,”sheanswered. ThenIputherthroughthefollowingcatechism:foragirloftwenty-twoitwasnotinjudicious. “Whydoyoulovehim,MissCathy?” “Nonsense,Ido—that’ssufficient.” “Bynomeansyoumustsaywhy?” “Well,becauseheishandsome,andpleasanttobewith.” “Bad!”wasmycommentary. “Andbecauseheisyoungandcheerful.” “Bad,still.” “Andbecausehelovesme.” “Indifferent,comingthere.” “Andhewillberich,andIshallliketobethegreatestwomanoftheneighbourhood,andIshallbeproudofhavingsuchahusband.” “Worstofall.Andnow,sayhowyoulovehim?” “Aseverybodyloves—You’resilly,Nelly.” “Notatall—Answer.” “Ilovethegroundunderhisfeet,andtheairoverhishead,andeverythinghetouches,andeverywordhesays.Iloveallhislooks,andallhisactions,andhimentirelyandaltogether.Therenow!” “Andwhy?” “Nayyouaremakingajestofit:itisexceedinglyill-natured!It’snojesttome!”saidtheyounglady,scowling,andturningherfacetothefire. “I’mveryfarfromjesting,MissCatherine,”Ireplied.“YouloveMr.Edgarbecauseheishandsome,andyoung,andcheerful,andrich,andlovesyou.Thelast,however,goesfornothing:youwouldlovehimwithoutthat,probablyandwithityouwouldn’t,unlesshepossessedthefourformerattractions.” “No,tobesurenot:Ishouldonlypityhim—hatehim,perhaps,ifhewereugly,andaclown.” “Butthereareseveralotherhandsome,richyoungmenintheworld:handsomer,possibly,andricherthanheis.Whatshouldhinderyoufromlovingthem?” “Iftherebeany,theyareoutofmyway:I’veseennonelikeEdgar.” “Youmayseesomeandhewon’talwaysbehandsome,andyoung,andmaynotalwaysberich.” “HeisnowandIhaveonlytodowiththepresent.Iwishyouwouldspeakrationally.” “Well,thatsettlesit:ifyouhaveonlytodowiththepresent,marryMr.Linton.” “Idon’twantyourpermissionforthat—Ishallmarryhim:andyetyouhavenottoldmewhetherI’mright.” “Perfectlyrightifpeopleberighttomarryonlyforthepresent.Andnow,letushearwhatyouareunhappyabout.Yourbrotherwillbepleasedtheoldladyandgentlemanwillnotobject,Ithinkyouwillescapefromadisorderly,comfortlesshomeintoawealthy,respectableoneandyouloveEdgar,andEdgarlovesyou.Allseemssmoothandeasy:whereistheobstacle?” “Here!andhere!”repliedCatherine,strikingonehandonherforehead,andtheotheronherbreast:“inwhicheverplacethesoullives.Inmysoulandinmyheart,I’mconvincedI’mwrong!” “That’sverystrange!Icannotmakeitout.” “It’smysecret.Butifyouwillnotmockatme,I’llexplainit:Ican’tdoitdistinctlybutI’llgiveyouafeelingofhowIfeel.” Sheseatedherselfbymeagain:hercountenancegrewsadderandgraver,andherclaspedhandstrembled. “Nelly,doyouneverdreamqueerdreams?”shesaid,suddenly,aftersomeminutes’reflection. “Yes,nowandthen,”Ianswered. “AndsodoI.I’vedreamtinmylifedreamsthathavestayedwithmeeverafter,andchangedmyideas:they’vegonethroughandthroughme,likewinethroughwater,andalteredthecolourofmymind.Andthisisone:I’mgoingtotellit—buttakecarenottosmileatanypartofit.” “Oh!don’t,MissCatherine!”Icried.“We’redismalenoughwithoutconjuringupghostsandvisionstoperplexus.Come,come,bemerryandlikeyourself!LookatlittleHareton!he’sdreamingnothingdreary.Howsweetlyhesmilesinhissleep!” “Yesandhowsweetlyhisfathercursesinhissolitude!Yourememberhim,Idaresay,whenhewasjustsuchanotherasthatchubbything:nearlyasyoungandinnocent.However,Nelly,Ishallobligeyoutolisten:it’snotlongandI’venopowertobemerryto-night.” “Iwon’thearit,Iwon’thearit!”Irepeated,hastily. Iwassuperstitiousaboutdreamsthen,andamstillandCatherinehadanunusualgloominheraspect,thatmademedreadsomethingfromwhichImightshapeaprophecy,andforeseeafearfulcatastrophe.Shewasvexed,butshedidnotproceed.Apparentlytakingupanothersubject,sherecommencedi