CHAPTER XXXII

byherlookormannerwasnowanobjectworthattainingandshefeltequaltoalmostanythingthatmightsaveherfromherauntNorris. Shewasstruck,quitestruck,when,onreturningfromherwalkandgoingintotheEastroomagain,thefirstthingwhichcaughthereyewasafirelightedandburning.Afire!itseemedtoomuchjustatthattimetobegivinghersuchanindulgencewasexcitingevenpainfulgratitude.ShewonderedthatSirThomascouldhaveleisuretothinkofsuchatrifleagainbutshesoonfound,fromthevoluntaryinformationofthehousemaid,whocameintoattendit,thatsoitwastobeeveryday.SirThomashadgivenordersforit. “Imustbeabrute,indeed,ifIcanbereallyungrateful!”saidshe,insoliloquy.“Heavendefendmefrombeingungrateful!” Shesawnothingmoreofheruncle,norofherauntNorris,tilltheymetatdinner.Heruncle’sbehaviourtoherwasthenasnearlyaspossiblewhatithadbeenbeforeshewassurehedidnotmeanthereshouldbeanychange,andthatitwasonlyherownconsciencethatcouldfancyanybutherauntwassoonquarrellingwithherandwhenshefoundhowmuchandhowunpleasantlyherhavingonlywalkedoutwithoutheraunt’sknowledgecouldbedwelton,shefeltallthereasonshehadtoblessthekindnesswhichsavedherfromthesamespiritofreproach,exertedonamoremomentoussubject. “IfIhadknownyouweregoingout,IshouldhavegotyoujusttogoasfarasmyhousewithsomeordersforNanny,”saidshe,“whichIhavesince,tomyverygreatinconvenience,beenobligedtogoandcarrymyself.Icouldveryillsparethetime,andyoumighthavesavedmethetrouble,ifyouwouldonlyhavebeensogoodastoletusknowyouweregoingout.Itwouldhavemadenodifferencetoyou,Isuppose,whetheryouhadwalkedintheshrubberyorgonetomyhouse.” “IrecommendedtheshrubberytoFannyasthedriestplace,”saidSirThomas. “Oh!”saidMrs.Norris,withamoment’scheck,“thatwasverykindofyou,SirThomasbutyoudonotknowhowdrythepathistomyhouse.Fannywouldhavehadquiteasgoodawalkthere,Iassureyou,withtheadvantageofbeingofsomeuse,andobligingheraunt:itisallherfault.IfshewouldbuthaveletusknowshewasgoingoutbutthereisasomethingaboutFanny,Ihaveoftenobserveditbefore—shelikestogoherownwaytoworkshedoesnotliketobedictatedtoshetakesherownindependentwalkwhenevershecanshecertainlyhasalittlespiritofsecrecy,andindependence,andnonsense,abouther,whichIwouldadvisehertogetthebetterof.” AsageneralreflectiononFanny,SirThomasthoughtnothingcouldbemoreunjust,thoughhehadbeensolatelyexpressingthesamesentimentshimself,andhetriedtoturntheconversation:triedrepeatedlybeforehecouldsucceedforMrs.Norrishadnotdiscernmentenoughtoperceive,eithernow,oratanyothertime,towhatdegreehethoughtwellofhisniece,orhowveryfarhewasfromwishingtohavehisownchildren’smeritssetoffbythedepreciationofhers.ShewastalkingatFanny,andresentingthisprivatewalkhalfthroughthedinner. Itwasover,however,atlastandtheeveningsetinwithmorecomposuretoFanny,andmorecheerfulnessofspiritsthanshecouldhavehopedforaftersostormyamorningbutshetrusted,inthefirstplace,thatshehaddoneright:thatherjudgmenthadnotmisledher.Forthepurityofherintentionsshecouldanswerandshewaswillingtohope,secondly,thatheruncle’sdispleasurewasabating,andwouldabatefartherasheconsideredthematterwithmoreimpartiality,andfelt,asagoodmanmustfeel,howwretched,andhowunpardonable,howhopeless,andhowwickeditwastomarrywithoutaffection. Whenthemeetingwithwhichshewasthreatenedforthemorrowwaspast,shecouldnotbutflatterherselfthatthesubjectwouldbefinallyconcluded,andMr.CrawfordoncegonefromMansfield,thateverythingwouldsoonbeasifnosuchsubjecthadexisted.Shewouldnot,couldnotbelieve,thatMr.Crawford’saffectionforhercoulddistresshimlonghismindwasnotofthatsort.Londonwouldsoonbringitscure.InLondonhewouldsoonlearntowonderathisinfatuation,andbethankfulfortherightreasoninherwhichhadsavedhimfromitsevilconsequences. WhileFanny’smindwasengagedinthesesortofhopes,herunclewas,soonaftertea,calledoutoftheroomanoccurrencetoocommontostrikeher,andshethoughtnothingofittillthebutlerreappearedtenminutesafterwards,andadvancingdecidedlytowardsherself,said,“SirThomaswishestospeakwithyou,ma’am,inhisownroom.”Thenitoccurredtoherwhatmightbegoingonasuspicionrushedoverhermindwhichdrovethecolourfromhercheeksbutinstantlyrising,shewaspreparingtoobey,whenMrs.Norriscalledout,“Stay,stay,Fanny!whatareyouabout?whereareyougoing?don’tbeinsuchahurry.Dependuponit,itisnotyouwhoarewanteddependuponit,itisme”(lookingatthebutler)“butyouaresoveryeagertoputyourselfforward.WhatshouldSirThomaswantyoufor?Itisme,Baddeley,youmeanIamcomingthismoment.Youmeanme,Baddeley,IamsureSirThomaswantsme,notMissPrice.” ButBaddeleywasstout.“No,ma’am,itisMissPriceIamcertainofitsbeingMissPrice.”Andtherewasahalf-smilewiththewords,whichmeant,“Idonotthinkyouwouldanswerthepurposeatall.” Mrs.Norris,muchdiscontented,wasobligedtocomposeherselftoworkagainandFanny,walkingoffinagitatingconsciousness,foundherself,assheanticipated,inanotherminutealonewithMr.Crawford.