Chapter 2. THE MAN FROM SOMEWHERE

h,youperjuredman!’ThistoMortimer,witharattleofherfan. ‘WeareallverymuchinterestedinthemanfromSomewhere,’Veneeringobserves. ThenthefourBuffers,takingheartofgraceallfouratonce,say: ‘Deeplyinterested!’ ‘Quiteexcited!’ ‘Dramatic!’ ‘ManfromNowhere,perhaps!’ AndthenMrsVeneering—fortheLadyTippins’swinningwilesarecontagious—foldsherhandsinthemannerofasupplicatingchild,turnstoherleftneighbour,andsays,‘Tease!Pay!ManfromTumwhere!’AtwhichthefourBuffers,againmysteriouslymovedallfouratonce,explain,‘Youcan’tresist!’ ‘Uponmylife,’saysMortimerlanguidly,‘IfinditimmenselyembarrassingtohavetheeyesofEuropeuponmetothisextent,andmyonlyconsolationisthatyouwillallofyouexecrateLadyTippinsinyoursecretheartswhenyoufind,asyouinevitablywill,themanfromSomewhereabore.Sorrytodestroyromancebyfixinghimwithalocalhabitation,buthecomesfromtheplace,thenameofwhichescapesme,butwillsuggestitselftoeverybodyelsehere,wheretheymakethewine.’ Eugenesuggests‘DayandMartin’s.’ ‘No,notthatplace,’returnstheunmovedMortimer,‘that’swheretheymakethePort.MymancomesfromthecountrywheretheymaketheCapeWine.Butlookhere,oldfellowitsnotatallstatisticalandit’sratherodd.’ ItisalwaysnoticeableatthetableoftheVeneerings,thatnomantroubleshimselfmuchabouttheVeneeringsthemselves,andthatanyonewhohasanythingtotell,generallytellsittoanybodyelseinpreference. ‘Theman,’Mortimergoeson,addressingEugene,‘whosenameisHarmon,wasonlysonofatremendousoldrascalwhomadehismoneybyDust.’ ‘Redvelveteensandabell?’thegloomyEugeneinquires. ‘Andaladderandbasketifyoulike.Bywhichmeans,orbyothers,hegrewrichasaDustContractor,andlivedinahollowinahillycountryentirelycomposedofDust.Onhisownsmallestatethegrowlingoldvagabondthrewuphisownmountainrange,likeanoldvolcano,anditsgeologicalformationwasDust.Coal-dust,vegetable-dust,bone-dust,crockerydust,roughdustandsifteddust,—allmannerofDust.’ ApassingremembranceofMrsVeneering,hereinducesMortimertoaddresshisnexthalf-dozenwordstoherafterwhichhewandersawayagain,triesTwemlowandfindshedoesn’tanswer,ultimatelytakesupwiththeBufferswhoreceivehimenthusiastically. ‘Themoralbeing—Ibelievethat’stherightexpression—ofthisexemplaryperson,deriveditshighestgratificationfromanathematizinghisnearestrelationsandturningthemoutofdoors.Havingbegun(aswasnatural)byrenderingtheseattentionstothewifeofhisbosom,henextfoundhimselfatleisuretobestowasimilarrecognitionontheclaimsofhisdaughter.Hechoseahusbandforher,entirelytohisownsatisfactionandnotintheleasttohers,andproceededtosettleuponher,ashermarriageportion,Idon’tknowhowmuchDust,butsomethingimmense.AtthisstageoftheaffairthepoorgirlrespectfullyintimatedthatshewassecretlyengagedtothatpopularcharacterwhomthenovelistsandversifierscallAnother,andthatsuchamarriagewouldmakeDustofherheartandDustofherlife—inshort,wouldsetherup,onaveryextensivescale,inherfather’sbusiness.Immediately,thevenerableparent—onacoldwinter’snight,itissaid—anathematizedandturnedherout.’ Here,theAnalyticalChemist(whohasevidentlyformedaverylowopinionofMortimer’sstory)concedesalittleclarettotheBufferswho,againmysteriouslymovedallfouratonce,screwitslowlyintothemselveswithapeculiartwistofenjoyment,astheycryinchorus,‘Praygoon.’ ‘ThepecuniaryresourcesofAnotherwere,astheyusuallyare,ofaverylimitednature.IbelieveIamnotusingtoostronganexpressionwhenIsaythatAnotherwashardup.However,hemarriedtheyounglady,andtheylivedinahumbledwelling,probablypossessingaporchornamentedwithhoneysuckleandwoodbinetwining,untilshedied.ImustreferyoutotheRegistraroftheDistrictinwhichthehumbledwellingwassituated,forthecertifiedcauseofdeathbutearlysorrowandanxietymayhavehadtodowithit,thoughtheymaynotappearintheruledpagesandprintedforms.IndisputablythiswasthecasewithAnother,forhewassocutupbythelossofhisyoungwifethatifheoutlivedherayearitwasasmuchashedid.’ ThereisthatintheindolentMortimer,whichseemstohintthatifgoodsocietymightonanyaccountallowitselftobeimpressible,he,oneofgoodsociety,mighthavetheweaknesstobeimpressedbywhathehererelates.Itishiddenwithgreatpains,butitisinhim.ThegloomyEugenetoo,isnotwithoutsomekindredtouchfor,whenthatappallingLadyTippinsdeclaresthatifAnotherhadsurvived,heshouldhavegonedownattheheadofherlistoflovers—andalsowhenthematureyoungladyshrugsherepaulettes,andlaughsatsomeprivateandconfidentialcommentfromthematureyounggentleman—hisgloomdeepenstothatdegreethathetriflesquiteferociouslywithhisdessert-knife. Mortimerproceeds. ‘Wemustnowreturn,asnovelistssay,andasweallwishtheywoul