CHAPTER VIII. OLD TIFF.

chedupintheveryfustestfamiliesofOldVirginny." Hedeemedthemmoreparticularlyappropriate,as,inadditiontohismanifoldoutwardduties,helikewiseassumed,asthereaderhasseen,somefeminineaccomplishments.Tiffcoulddarnastockingwithanybodyinthecountryhecouldcutoutchildren'sdressesandapronshecouldpatch,andhecouldseamallwhichhedidwithinfiniteself-satisfaction. Notwithstandingthemanycrooksandcrossesinhislot,Tiffwas,onthewhole,acheeryfellow.Hehadanoily,rollickingfulnessofnature,anexuberanceofphysicalsatisfactioninexistence,thatthegreatestweightofadversitycouldonlytonedowntobecomingsobriety.Hewasonthehappiesttermsoffellowshipwithhimselfhelikedhimself,hebelievedinhimselfand,whennobodyelsewoulddoit,hewouldpathimselfonhisownshoulder,andsay,"Tiff,you'reajollydog,afinefellow,andIlikeyou!"Hewasseldomwithoutarunningstrainofsoliloquywithhimself,intermingledwithjoyousburstsofsong,andquietintervalsoflaughter.OnpleasantdaysTifflaughedagreatdeal.Helaughedwhenhisbeanscameup,helaughedwhenthesuncameoutafterastorm,helaughedforfiftythingsthatyouneverthinkoflaughingatanditagreedwithhim—hethroveuponit.Intimesoftroubleandperplexity,Tifftalkedtohimself,andfoundacounsellorwhoalwayskeptsecrets.Onthepresentoccasionitwasnotwithoutsomeinwarddiscontentthathetookasurveyoftheremainsofoneofhisbest-fattedchickens,whichhehadbeenintendingtoserveup,piecemeal,forhismistress.Soherelievedhismindbyalittleconfidentialcolloquywithhimself. "Disyer,"hesaidtohimself,withacontemptuousinclinationtowardthenewly-arrived,"willbeforeatinglikeajudgment,I'pose.Wish,now,Ihadkilleddeoldgobbler!Goodenoughforhim—raaltough,heis.Disyer,now,wasmyprimestchicken,anddarshe'lljistsitandseehimeatit!Laws,deseyerwomen!Why,deydoesgetsosotonhusbands!Pitytheycouldn'thavesomethingliketobesoton!Itjistrilesmetoseehimgobblingdowneverything,andshea-lookingon!Well,heregoes,"saidhe,depositingthefrying-panoverthecoals,inwhichthechickenwassoonfizzling.Drawingoutthetable,Tiffprepareditforsupper.Sooncoffeewassteamingoverthefire,andcorn-dodgersbakingintheashes.Meanwhile,JohnCrippswasbusyexplainingtohiswifethecelebratedwaresthathadsomuchraisedhisspirits. "Well,now,yousee,Sue,thisyertimeI'vebeenuptoRaleighandImetafellowthere,comingfromNewYork,orNewOrleans,orsomeofthemnorthernstates." "NewOrleansisn'tanorthernstate,"humblyinterposedhiswife,"isit?" "Well,Newsomething!Whothedevilcares?Don'tyoubeinterruptingme,youSuse!" CouldCrippshaveseenthevengefullookwhichTiffgavehimoverthespectaclesatthismoment,hemighthavetrembledforhissupper.But,innocentofthis,heproceededwithhisstory. "Yousee,thisyerfellowhadacaseofbonnetsjusttheheightofthefashion.TheycomefromParis,thecapitalofEuropeandhesoldthemtomeforameresong.Ah,yououghttosee'em!I'mgoingtoget'emout.Tiff,holdthecandle,here."AndTiffheldtheburningtorchwithanairofgrimscepticismanddisgust,whileCrippshammeredandwrenchedthetopboardsoff,anddisplayedtoviewaportentousarrayofbonnets,apparentlyofeveryobsoletestyleandfashionofthelastfiftyyears. "Dem'sfustrateforscare-crows,anyhow!"mutteredTiff. "Now,what,"saidCripps,—"Sue,whatdoyouthinkIgaveforthese?" "Idon'tknow,"saidshe,faintly. "Well,Igavefifteendollarsforthewholebox!Andtherean'toneofthese,"saidhe,displayingthemostsingularspecimenonhishand,"thatisn'tworthfromtwotofivedollars.Ishallclear,atleast,fiftydollarsonthatbox." Tiff,atthismoment,turnedtohisfrying-pan,andbentoverit,soliloquizingashedidso,— "Anyway,I'sfoundoutoneting,—wheredewomengetsdemroostsofbonnetsdeywarsatcamp-meetings.Laws,dey'senoughtospileaworkofgrace,demar!IfIwastomeetoneofdemarofadarknightinagrave-yard,IshouldtinkIwassentfor—notthepleasantestwayofsending,neither.Poormissis!—lookingmightyfaint!—Don'twonder!—'Noughtoscarraweaklywomanintofits!" "Here,Tiff,helpmetoopenthisbox.Holdthelight,here.Darnedifitdon'tcomeoffhard!Here'salotofshoesandbootsIgotofthesameman.Someon'em'smates,andsomean'tbut,then,Itookthelotcheap.Folksdon'talwayswarrbothshoesalike.Mightliketowarranoddone,sometimes,efit'scheap.Now,thisyerparrofbootsislady'sgaiters,allcomplete,'ceptthere'saholeintheliningdownbythetoebodyoughttobecarefulaboutputtingiton,elsethefootwillslipbetweentheoutsideandthelining.Anybodythatbearsthatinmind—justasniceapairofgaitersasthey'dwant!Bargain,there,forsomebody—completeone,too.ThenI'vegottwoorthreeoldbureau-drawersthatIgotcheapatauctionandIreckonsomeon'emwillfittheoldframethatIgotlastyear.Got'emforameresong." "Blessyou,massa,dataroldbureauItookfordechicken-coop!Turkeys'chickenshopsinlively." "Oh,well,scrubitup—'twillanswerjustaswell.Fitthedrawersin.Andnow,oldwoman,wewillsitdowntosupper,"saidhe,plantinghimselfatthetable,andbeginningavigorousonslaughtonthefriedchicken,withoutinvitationtoanyotherpersonpresenttoassisthim. "Missiscan'tsitupatthetable,"saidTiff."She'sdonebeensickeversincedebabywasborn."AndTiffapproachedthebedwithanicemorselofchickenwhichhehadprovidentlypreservedonaplate,andwhichhenowreverentlypresentedonaboard,asawaiter,coveredwithnewspaper. "Now,doeat,missisyoucan'tliveonlooking,nowaysyoucanfixit.DoeatwhileTiffgetsondebaby'snightgown." Topleaseheroldfriend,thewomanmadeafeintofeating,but,whileTiff'sbackwasturnedtothefire,busiedherselfwithdistributingittothechildren,whohadstoodhungrilyregardingher,aschildrenwillregardwhatisputontoasickmother'splate. "Itdoesmegoodtoseethemeat,"shesaid,apologeticallyonce,whenTiff,turninground,detectedherintheact. "Ah,missis,maybe!butyou'vegottoeatfortwo,now.Whatdeyeatan'tgoingtodisyerlittleman,here.Minddatar." Crippsapparentlybestowedverysmallattentiononanythingexcepttheimportantbusinessbeforehim,whichheprosecutedwithsuchdevotionthatverysooncoffee,chicken,anddodgers,hadalldisappeared.Eventhebonesweresuckeddry,andthegravywipedfromthedish. "Ah,that'swhatIcallcomfortable!"saidhe,lyingbackinhischair."Tiff,pullmybootsoff!andhandoutthatardemijohn.Sue,Ihopeyou'vemadeacomfortablemeal,"hesaid,incidentally,standingwithhisbacktoher,compoundinghispotationofwhiskeyandwaterwhichhavingdrank,hecalledupTeddy,andofferedhimthesugaratthebottomoftheglass.ButTeddy,beingforewarnedbyameaningglancethroughTiff'sspectacles,responded,verypolitely,— "No,Ithankyou,pa.Idon'tloveit." "Comehere,then,andtakeitofflikeaman.It'sgoodforyou,"saidJohnCripps. Themother'seyesfollowedthechildwishfullyandshesaid,faintly,"Don'tJohn!—don't!"AndTiffendedthecontroversybytakingtheglassunceremoniouslyoutofhismaster'shand. "Lawsblessyou,massa,can'tbeboderedwithdeseyeryoungonesdisyertimeofnight!Timedey'sallinbed,anddisheswashedup.Here,Tedd,"seizingthechild,andlooseningthebuttonsofhisslipbehind,anddrawingoutaroughtrundle-bed,"youcrawlindere,andcurlupinyournestanddon'tyouforgetyourprars,honey,elsemaybeyou'llneverwakeupagain." Crippshadnowfilledapipewithtobaccoofthemostvillainouscharacter,withwhichincensehewasperfumingthelittleapartm