CHAPTER XXXV. WHEREIN MATTERS MAKE SOME PROGRESS, BUT NOT MUCH.

hing,Iamhappyinmamma.Ilovehersomuch,andshelovesme.Longandtenderlyshenursedme.Now,whenhercarehasmademewell,Icanoccupymyselfforandwithheralltheday.IsayitismyturntoattendtoherandIdoattendtoher.Iamherwaiting-womanaswellasherchild.Ilike—youwouldlaughifyouknewwhatpleasureIhaveinmakingdressesandsewingforher.Shelookssonicenow,RobertIwillnotletherbeold-fashioned.Andthen,sheischarmingtotalkto—fullofwisdom,ripeinjudgment,richininformation,exhaustlessinstoresherobservantfacultieshavequietlyamassed.EverydaythatIlivewithherIlikeherbetter,Iesteemhermorehighly,Ilovehermoretenderly." "Thatforonething,then,Cary.Youtalkinsuchawayabout'mamma'itisenoughtomakeonejealousoftheoldlady." "Sheisnotold,Robert." "Oftheyounglady,then." "Shedoesnotpretendtobeyoung." "Well,ofthematron.Butyousaid'mamma's'affectionwasonethingthatmadeyouhappynowfortheotherthing." "Iamgladyouarebetter." "Whatbesides?" "Iamgladwearefriends." "YouandI?" "Yes.Ioncethoughtwenevershouldbe." "Cary,somedayImeantotellyouathingaboutmyselfthatisnottomycredit,andconsequentlywillnotpleaseyou." "Ah,don't!Icannotbeartothinkillofyou." "AndIcannotbearthatyoushouldthinkbetterofmethanIdeserve." "Well,butIhalfknowyour'thing'indeed,IbelieveIknowallaboutit." "Youdonot." "IbelieveIdo." "Whomdoesitconcernbesidesme?" Shecolouredshehesitatedshewassilent. "Speak,Cary!Whomdoesitconcern?" Shetriedtoutteraname,andcouldnot. "Tellmethereisnonepresentbutourselves.Befrank." "ButifIguesswrong?" "Iwillforgive.Whisper,Cary." Hebenthiseartoherlips.Stillshewouldnot,orcouldnot,speakclearlytothepoint.SeeingthatMoorewaitedandwasresolvedtohearsomething,sheatlastsaid,"MissKeeldarspentadayattherectoryaboutaweeksince.Theeveningcameonverywintry,andwepersuadedhertostayallnight." "Andyouandshecurledyourhairtogether?" "Howdoyouknowthat?" "Andthenyouchattered,andshetoldyou——" "Itwasnotatcurling-hairtime,soyouarenotaswiseasyouthinkand,besides,shedidn'ttellme." "Youslepttogetherafterwards?" "Weoccupiedthesameroomandbed.Wedidnotsleepmuchwetalkedthewholenightthrough." "I'llbeswornyoudid!Andthenitallcameout—tantpis.Iwouldratheryouhadhearditfrommyself." "Youarequitewrong.Shedidnottellmewhatyoususpect—sheisnotthepersontoproclaimsuchthingsbutyetIinferredsomethingfrompartsofherdiscourse.Igatheredmorefromrumour,andImadeouttherestbyinstinct." "ButifshedidnottellyouthatIwantedtomarryherforthesakeofhermoney,andthatsherefusedmeindignantlyandscornfully(youneedneitherstartnorblushnoryetneedyouprickyourtremblingfingerswithyourneedle.Thatistheplaintruth,whetheryoulikeitornot)—ifsuchwasnotthesubjectofheraugustconfidences,onwhatpointdidtheyturn?Yousayyoutalkedthewholenightthroughwhatabout?" "Aboutthingsweneverthoroughlydiscussedbefore,intimatefriendsaswehavebeenbutyouhardlyexpectIshouldtellyou?" "Yes,yes,Caryyouwilltellme.Yousaidwewerefriends,andfriendsshouldalwaysconfideineachother." "Butyouaresureyouwon'trepeatit?" "Quitesure." "NottoLouis?" "NoteventoLouis.WhatdoesLouiscareforyoungladies'secrets?" "Robert,Shirleyisacurious,magnanimousbeing." "Idaresay.Icanimaginetherearebothoddpointsandgrandpointsabouther." "Ihavefoundhercharyinshowingherfeelingsbutwhentheyrushout,river-like,andpassfullandpowerfulbeforeyou—almostwithoutleavefromher—yougaze,wonderyouadmire,and—Ithink—loveher." "Yousawthisspectacle?" "Yesatdeadofnight,whenallthehousewassilent,andstarlightandthecoldreflectionfromthesnowglimmeredinourchamber,thenIsawShirley'sheart." "Herheart'score?Doyouthinksheshowedyouthat?" "Herheart'score." "Andhowwasit?" "Likeashrine,foritwasholylikesnow,foritwaspurelikeflame,foritwaswarmlikedeath,foritwasstrong." "Canshelove?tellmethat." "Whatthinkyou?" "Shehaslovednonethathavelovedheryet." "Whoarethosethathavelovedher?" Henamedalistofgentlemen,closingwithSirPhilipNunnely. "Shehaslovednoneofthese." "Yetsomeofthemwereworthyofawoman'saffection." "Ofsomewomen's,butnotofShirley's." "Isshebetterthanothersofhersex?" "Sheispeculiar,andmoredangeroustotakeasawife—rashly." "Icanimaginethat." "Shespokeofyou——" "Oh,shedid!Ithoughtyoudeniedit."