CHAPTER XXI. MRS. PRYOR.

asisthatstartledMrs.Pryor."Theylookforwardtomarriagewithsomeonetheyloveasthebrightest,theonlybrightdestinythatcanawaitthem.Aretheywrong?" "Oh,mydear!"exclaimedMrs.Pryor,claspingherhandsandagainshepaused.Carolineturnedasearching,aneagereyeonthefaceofherfriend:thatfacewasmuchagitated."Mydear,"shemurmured,"lifeisanillusion." "Butnotlove!Loveisreal—themostreal,themostlasting,thesweetestandyetthebitterestthingweknow." "Mydear,itisverybitter.Itissaidtobestrong—strongasdeath!Mostofthecheatsofexistencearestrong.Astotheirsweetness,nothingissotransitoryitsdateisamoment,thetwinklingofaneye.Thestingremainsforever.Itmayperishwiththedawnofeternity,butittorturesthroughtimeintoitsdeepestnight." "Yes,ittorturesthroughtime,"agreedCaroline,"exceptwhenitismutuallove." "Mutuallove!Mydear,romancesarepernicious.Youdonotreadthem,Ihope?" "Sometimes—wheneverIcangetthem,indeed.Butromance-writersmightknownothingoflove,judgingbythewayinwhichtheytreatofit." "Nothingwhatever,mydear,"assentedMrs.Pryoreagerly,"norofmarriageandthefalsepicturestheygiveofthosesubjectscannotbetoostronglycondemned.Theyarenotlikereality.Theyshowyouonlythegreen,temptingsurfaceofthemarsh,andgivenotonefaithfulortruthfulhintofthesloughunderneath." "Butitisnotalwaysslough,"objectedCaroline."Therearehappymarriages.Whereaffectionisreciprocalandsincere,andmindsareharmonious,marriagemustbehappy." "Itisneverwhollyhappy.Twopeoplecanneverliterallybeasone.Thereis,perhaps,apossibilityofcontentunderpeculiarcircumstances,suchasareseldomcombinedbutitisaswellnottoruntherisk—youmaymakefatalmistakes.Besatisfied,mydear.Letallthesinglebesatisfiedwiththeirfreedom." "Youechomyuncle'swords!"exclaimedCaroline,inatoneofdismay."YouspeaklikeMrs.Yorkeinhermostgloomymoments,likeMissMannwhensheismostsourlyandhypochondriacallydisposed.Thisisterrible!" "No,itisonlytrue.Ochild,youhaveonlylivedthepleasantmorningtimeoflifethehot,wearynoon,thesadevening,thesunlessnight,areyettocomeforyou.Mr.Helstone,yousay,talksasItalkandIwonderhowMrs.MatthewsonHelstonewouldhavetalkedhadshebeenliving.Shedied!shedied!" "And,alas!myownmotherandfather——"exclaimedCaroline,struckbyasombrerecollection. "Whatofthem?" "DidInevertellyouthattheywereseparated?" "Ihaveheardit." "Theymust,then,havebeenverymiserable." "YouseeallfactsgotoprovewhatIsay." "Inthiscasethereoughttobenosuchthingasmarriage." "Thereought,mydear,wereitonlytoprovethatthislifeisamerestateofprobation,whereinneitherrestnorrecompenseistobevouchsafed." "Butyourownmarriage,Mrs.Pryor?" Mrs.Pryorshrankandshudderedasifarudefingerhadpressedanakednerve.Carolinefeltshehadtouchedwhatwouldnotbeartheslightestcontact. "Mymarriagewasunhappy,"saidthelady,summoningcourageatlast"butyet——"Shehesitated. "Butyet,"suggestedCaroline,"notimmitigablywretched?" "Notinitsresults,atleast.No,"sheadded,inasoftertone"Godminglessomethingofthebalmofmercyeveninvialsofthemostcorrosivewoe.Hecansoturneventsthatfromtheverysameblind,rashactwhencesprangthecurseofhalfourlifemayflowtheblessingoftheremainder.ThenIamofapeculiardisposition—Iownthat—farfromfacile,withoutaddress,insomepointseccentric.Ioughtnevertohavemarried.Mineisnotthenatureeasilytofindaduplicateorlikelytoassimilatewithacontrast.IwasquiteawareofmyownineligibilityandifIhadnotbeensomiserableasagoverness,Inevershouldhavemarriedandthen——" Caroline'seyesaskedhertoproceed.Theyentreatedhertobreakthethickcloudofdespairwhichherpreviouswordshadseemedtospreadoverlife. "Andthen,mydear,Mr.—thatis,thegentlemanImarried—was,perhaps,ratheranexceptionalthananaveragecharacter.Ihope,atleast,theexperienceoffewhasbeensuchasminewas,orthatfewhavefelttheirsufferingsasIfeltmine.Theynearlyshookmymindreliefwassohopeless,redresssounattainable.But,mydear,IdonotwishtodisheartenIonlywishtowarnyou,andtoprovethatthesingleshouldnotbetooanxioustochangetheirstate,astheymaychangefortheworse." "Thankyou,mydearmadam.Iquiteunderstandyourkindintentions,butthereisnofearofmyfallingintotheerrortowhichyouallude.I,atleast,havenothoughtsofmarriage,andforthatreasonIwanttomakemyselfapositionbysomeothermeans." "Mydear,listentome.OnwhatIamgoingtosayIhavecarefullydeliberated,having,indeed,revolvedthesubjectinmythoughtseversinceyoufirstmentionedyourwishtoobtainasituation.YouknowIatpresentresidewithMissKeeldarinthecapacityofcompanion.Shouldshemarry(andthatshewillmarryerelongmanycircumstancesinducemetoconclude),Ishallceasetobenecessarytoherinthatcapacity.ImusttellyouthatIpossessasmallindependency,arisingpartlyfrommyownsavings,andpartlyfromalegacyleftmesomeyearssince.WheneverIleaveFieldheadIshalltakeahouseofmyown.Icouldnotenduretoliveinsolitude.IhavenorelationswhomIcaretoinvitetocloseintimacyfor,asyoumusthaveobserved,andasIhavealreadyavowed,myhabitsandtasteshavetheirpeculiarities.Toyou,mydear,IneednotsayIamattachedwithyouIamhappierthanIhaveeverbeenwithanylivingthing"(thiswassaidwithmarkedemphasis)."YoursocietyIshouldesteemaverydearprivilege—aninestimableprivilege,acomfort,ablessing.Youshallcometome,then.Caroline,doyourefuseme?Ihopeyoucanloveme?" Andwiththesetwoabruptquestionsshestopped. "Indeed,Idoloveyou,"wasthereply."Ishouldliketolivewithyou.Butyouaretookind." "AllIhave,"wentonMrs.Pryor,"Iwouldleavetoyou.Youshouldbeprovidedfor.ButneveragainsayIamtookind.Youpiercemyheart,child!" "But,mydearmadam—thisgenerosity—Ihavenoclaim——" "Hush!youmustnottalkaboutit.Therearesomethingswecannotbeartohear.Oh!itislatetobegin,butImayyetliveafewyears.Icanneverwipeoutthepast,butperhapsabriefspaceinthefuturemayyetbemine." Mrs.Pryorseemeddeeplyagitated.Largetearstrembledinhereyesandrolleddownhercheeks.Carolinekissedher,inhergentle,caressingway,sayingsoftly,"Iloveyoudearly.Don'tcry." Butthelady'swholeframeseemedshaken.Shesatdown,bentherheadtoherknee,andweptaloud.Nothingcouldconsolehertilltheinwardstormhadhaditsway.Atlasttheagonysubsidedofitself. "Poorthing!"shemurmured,returningCaroline'skiss,"poorlonelylamb!Butcome,"sheaddedabruptly—"comewemustgohome." ForashortdistanceMrs.Pryorwalkedveryfast.Bydegrees,however,shecalmeddowntoherwontedmanner,fellintoherusualcharacteristicpace—apeculiarone,likeallhermovements—andbythetimetheyreachedFieldheadshehadre-enteredintoherself.Theoutsidewas,asusual,stillandshy.