CHAPTER XX. TO-MORROW.

Thetwogirlsmetnolivingsoulontheirwaybacktotherectory.Theyletthemselvesinnoiselesslytheystoleupstairsunheard—thebreakingmorninggavethemwhatlighttheyneeded.Shirleysoughthercouchimmediatelyandthoughtheroomwasstrange—forshehadneversleptattherectorybefore—andthoughtherecentscenewasoneunparalleledforexcitementandterrorbyanyithadhithertobeenherlottowitness,yetscarcewasherheadlaidonthepillowereadeep,refreshingsleepclosedhereyesandcalmedhersenses. PerfecthealthwasShirley'senviableportion.Thoughwarm-heartedandsympathetic,shewasnotnervouspowerfulemotionscouldrouseandswaywithoutexhaustingherspirit.Thetempesttroubledandshookherwhileitlasted,butitleftherelasticityunbent,andherfreshnessquiteunblighted.Aseverydaybroughtherstimulatingemotion,soeverynightyieldedherrecreatingrest.Carolinenowwatchedhersleeping,andreadtheserenityofhermindinthebeautyofherhappycountenance. Forherself,beingofadifferenttemperament,shecouldnotsleep.Thecommonplaceexcitementofthetea-drinkingandschool-gatheringwouldalonehavesufficedtomakeherrestlessallnighttheeffectoftheterribledramawhichhadjustbeenenactedbeforehereyeswasnotlikelytoquitherfordays.ItwasvaineventotrytoretainarecumbentpostureshesatupbyShirley'sside,countingtheslowminutes,andwatchingtheJunesunmounttheheavens. LifewastesfastinsuchvigilsasCarolinehadoflatebuttoooftenkept—vigilsduringwhichthemind,havingnopleasantfoodtonourishit,nomannaofhope,nohived-honeyofjoyousmemories,triestoliveonthemeagredietofwishes,andfailingtoderivethenceeitherdelightorsupport,andfeelingitselfreadytoperishwithcravingwant,turnstophilosophy,toresolution,toresignationcallsonallthesegodsforaid,callsvainly—isunheard,unhelped,andlanguishes. CarolinewasaChristianthereforeintroublesheframedmanyaprayeraftertheChristiancreed,preferreditwithdeepearnestness,beggedforpatience,strength,relief.Thisworld,however,weallknow,isthesceneoftrialandprobationand,foranyfavourableresultherpetitionshadyetwrought,itseemedtoherthattheywereunheardandunaccepted.Shebelieved,sometimes,thatGodhadturnedHisfacefromher.AtmomentsshewasaCalvinist,and,sinkingintothegulfofreligiousdespair,shesawdarkeningoverherthedoomofreprobation. Mostpeoplehavehadaperiodorperiodsintheirliveswhentheyhavefeltthusforsaken—when,havinglonghopedagainsthope,andstillseenthedayoffruitiondeferred,theirheartshavetrulysickenedwithinthem.Thisisaterriblehour,butitisoftenthatdarkestpointwhichprecedestheriseofday—thatturnoftheyearwhentheicyJanuarywindcarriesoverthewasteatoncethedirgeofdepartingwinterandtheprophecyofcomingspring.Theperishingbirds,however,cannotthusunderstandtheblastbeforewhichtheyshiverandaslittlecanthesufferingsoulrecognize,intheclimaxofitsaffliction,thedawnofitsdeliverance.Yet,letwhoevergrievesstillclingfasttoloveandfaithinGod.Godwillneverdeceive,neverfinallydeserthim."WhomHeloveth,Hechasteneth."Thesewordsaretrue,andshouldnotbeforgotten. Thehouseholdwasastiratlasttheservantswereuptheshutterswereopenedbelow.Caroline,asshequittedthecouch,whichhadbeenbutathornyonetoher,feltthatrevivalofspiritswhichthereturnofday,ofaction,givestoallbutthewhollydespairingoractuallydying.Shedressedherself,asusual,carefully,tryingsotoarrangeherhairandattirethatnothingoftheforlornnessshefeltatheartshouldbevisibleexternally.ShelookedasfreshasShirleywhenbothweredressed,onlythatMissKeeldar'seyeswerelively,andMissHelstone'slanguid. "To-dayIshallhavemuchtosaytoMoore,"wereShirley'sfirstwordsandyoucouldseeinherfacethatlifewasfullofinterest,expectation,andoccupationforher."Hewillhavetoundergocross-examination,"sheadded."Idaresayhethinkshehasoutwittedmecleverly.Andthisisthewaymendealwithwomen—stillconcealingdangerfromthem—thinking,Isuppose,tosparethempain.Theyimaginedwelittleknewwheretheywereto-night.Weknowtheylittleconjecturedwherewewere.Men,Ibelieve,fancywomen'smindssomethinglikethoseofchildren.Now,thatisamistake." Thiswassaidasshestoodattheglass,traininghernaturallywavedhairintocurls,bytwiningitroundherfingers.Shetookupthethemeagainfiveminutesafter,asCarolinefastenedherdressandclaspedhergirdle. "Ifmencouldseeusaswereallyare,theywouldbealittleamazedbutthecleverest,theacutestmenareoftenunderanillusionaboutwomen.Theydonotreadtheminatruelighttheymisapprehendthem,bothforgoodandevil.Theirgoodwomanisaqueerthing,halfdoll,halfangeltheirbadwomanalmostalwaysafiend.Thentohearthemfallintoecstasieswitheachother'screations—worshippingtheheroineofsuchapoem,novel,drama—thinkingitfine,divine!Fineanddivineitmaybe,butoftenquiteartificial—falseastheroseinmybestbonnetthere.IfIspokeallIthinkonthispoint,ifIgavemy