CHAPTER XIV. SHIRLEY SEEKS TO BE SAVED BY WORKS.

lipseofourfriendship.AgainandagainhecrossesandobscuresthediscIwantalwaystoseecleareverandanonherendersmetoyouamereboreandnuisance." "No,Shirley,no." "Hedoes.Youdidnotwantmysocietythisafternoon,andIfeelithard.Youarenaturallysomewhatreserved,butIamasocialpersonage,whocannotlivealone.Ifwewerebutleftunmolested,IhavethatregardforyouthatIcouldbearyouinmypresenceforever,andnotforthefractionofaseconddoIeverwishtoberidofyou.Youcannotsayasmuchrespectingme." "Shirley,Icansayanythingyouwish.Shirley,Ilikeyou." "YouwillwishmeatJerichoto-morrow,Lina." "Ishallnot.Iameverydaygrowingmoreaccustomedto—fonderofyou.YouknowIamtooEnglishtogetupavehementfriendshipallatoncebutyouaresomuchbetterthancommon—youaresodifferenttoevery-dayyoungladies—Iesteemyou,Ivalueyouyouareneveraburdentome—never.DoyoubelievewhatIsay?" "Partly,"repliedMissKeeldar,smilingratherincredulously"butyouareapeculiarpersonage.Quietasyoulook,thereisbothaforceandadepthsomewherewithinnoteasilyreachedorappreciated.Thenyoucertainlyarenothappy." "Andunhappypeoplearerarelygood.Isthatwhatyoumean?" "Notatall.Imeanratherthatunhappypeopleareoftenpreoccupied,andnotinthemoodfordiscoursingwithcompanionsofmynature.Moreover,thereisasortofunhappinesswhichnotonlydepresses,butcorrodesandthat,Ifear,isyourportion.Willpitydoyouanygood,Lina?Ifitwill,takesomefromShirleysheofferslargely,andwarrantsthearticlegenuine." "Shirley,Ineverhadasister—youneverhadasisterbutitflashesonmeatthismomenthowsistersfeeltowardseachother—affectiontwinedwiththeirlife,whichnoshocksoffeelingcanuproot,whichlittlequarrelsonlytrampleaninstant,thatitmayspringmorefreshlywhenthepressureisremovedaffectionthatnopassioncanultimatelyoutrival,withwhichevenloveitselfcannotdomorethancompeteinforceandtruth.Lovehurtsusso,Shirley.Itissotormenting,soracking,anditburnsawayourstrengthwithitsflame.Inaffectionisnopainandnofire,onlysustenanceandbalm.Iamsupportedandsoothedwhenyou—thatis,youonly—arenear,Shirley.Doyoubelievemenow?" "Iamalwayseasyofbeliefwhenthecreedpleasesme.Wereallyarefriends,then,Lina,inspiteoftheblackeclipse?" "Wereallyare,"returnedtheother,drawingShirleytowardsher,andmakinghersitdown,"chancewhatmay." "Come,thenwewilltalkofsomethingelsethantheTroubler."Butatthismomenttherectorcamein,andthe"somethingelse"ofwhichMissKeeldarwasabouttotalkwasnotagainalludedtotillthemomentofherdeparture.Shethendelayedafewminutesinthepassagetosay,"Caroline,IwishtotellyouthatIhaveagreatweightonmymindmyconscienceisquiteuneasyasifIhadcommitted,orwasgoingtocommit,acrime.Itisnotmyprivateconscience,youmustunderstand,butmylanded-proprietorandlord-of-the-manorconscience.Ihavegotintotheclutchofaneaglewithirontalons.Ihavefallenunderasterninfluence,whichIscarcelyapprove,butcannotresist.Somethingwillbedoneerelong,Ifear,whichitbynomeanspleasesmetothinkof.Toeasemymind,andtopreventharmasfarasIcan,Imeantoenteronaseriesofgoodworks.Don'tbesurprised,therefore,ifyouseemeallatonceturnoutrageouslycharitable.Ihavenoideahowtobegin,butyoumustgivemesomeadvice.Wewilltalkmoreonthesubjectto-morrowandjustaskthatexcellentperson,MissAinley,tostepuptoFieldhead.Ihavesomenotionofputtingmyselfunderhertuition.Won'tshehaveapreciouspupil?Dropahinttoher,Lina,that,thoughawell-meaning,Iamratheraneglectedcharacter,andthenshewillfeellessscandalizedatmyignoranceaboutclothingsocietiesandsuchthings." OnthemorrowCarolinefoundShirleysittinggravelyatherdesk,withanaccount-book,abundleofbanknotes,andawell-filledpursebeforeher.Shewaslookingmightyserious,butalittlepuzzled.Shesaidshehadbeen"castinganeye"overtheweeklyexpenditureinhousekeepingatthehall,tryingtofindoutwhereshecouldretrenchthatshehadalsojustgivenaudiencetoMrs.Gill,thecook,andhadsentthatpersonawaywithanotionthather(Shirley's)brainwascertainlycrazed."Ihavelecturedheronthedutyofbeingcareful,"saidshe,"inawayquitenewtoher.SoeloquentwasIonthetextofeconomythatIsurprisedmyselffor,yousee,itisaltogetherafreshidea.Ineverthought,muchlessspoke,onthesubjecttilllately.ButitisalltheoryforwhenIcametothepracticalpartIcouldretrenchnothing.Ihadnotfirmnesstotakeoffasinglepoundofbutter,ortoprosecutetoanyclearresultaninquestintothedestinyofeitherdripping,lard,bread,coldmeat,orotherkitchenperquisitewhatever.IknowwenevergetupilluminationsatFieldhead,butIcouldnotaskthemeaningofsundryquiteunaccountablepoundsofcandles.Wedonotwashfortheparish,yetIviewedinsilenceitemsofsoapandbleaching-powdercalculatedtosatisfythesolicitudeofthemostanxiousinquirerafterourpositioninreferencetothosearticles.CarnivorousIamnot,norisMrs.Pryor,norisMrs.Gillherself,yetIonlyhemmedandopenedmyeyesalittlewidewhenIsawbutchers'billswhosefiguresseemedtoprovethatfact—falsehood,Imean.Caroline,youmaylaughatme,butyoucan'tchangeme.IamapoltroononcertainpointsIfeelit.Thereisabasealloyofmoralcowardiceinmycomposition.IblushedandhungmyheadbeforeMrs.Gill,whensheoughttohavebeenfalteringconfessionstome.Ifounditimpossibletogetupthespiriteventohint,muchlesstoprove,tohert