CHAPTER XIV. SHIRLEY SEEKS TO BE SAVED BY WORKS.

"Ofcourse,IknowhewillmarryShirley,"wereherfirstwordswhensheroseinthemorning."Andheoughttomarryher.Shecanhelphim,"sheaddedfirmly."ButIshallbeforgottenwhentheyaremarried,"wasthecruelsucceedingthought."Oh!Ishallbewhollyforgotten!Andwhat—whatshallIdowhenRobertistakenquitefromme?WhereshallIturn?MyRobert!IwishIcouldjustlycallhimmine.ButIampovertyandincapacityShirleyiswealthandpower.Andsheisbeautytoo,andlove.Icannotdenyit.Thisisnosordidsuit.Sheloveshim—notwithinferiorfeelings.Sheloves,orwilllove,ashemustfeelproudtobeloved.Notavalidobjectioncanbemade.Letthembemarried,then.ButafterwardsIshallbenothingtohim.Asforbeinghissister,andallthatstuff,Idespiseit.IwilleitherbeallornothingtoamanlikeRobertnofeebleshufflingorfalsecantisendurable.Onceletthatpairbeunited,andIwillcertainlyleavethem.Asforlingeringabout,playingthehypocrite,andpretendingtocalmsentimentsoffriendship,whenmysoulwillbewrungwithotherfeelings,Ishallnotdescendtosuchdegradation.AslittlecouldIfilltheplaceoftheirmutualfriendasthatoftheirdeadlyfoeaslittlecouldIstandbetweenthemastrampleoverthem.Robertisafirst-rateman—inmyeyes.Ihaveloved,dolove,andmustlovehim.IwouldbehiswifeifIcouldasIcannot,ImustgowhereIshallneverseehim.Thereisbutonealternative—tocleavetohimasifIwereapartofhim,ortobesunderedfromhimwideasthetwopolesofasphere.—Sundermethen,Providence.Partusspeedily." Somesuchaspirationsasthesewereagainworkinginhermindlateintheafternoon,whentheapparitionofoneofthepersonageshauntingherthoughtspassedtheparlourwindow.MissKeeldarsaunteredslowlyby,hergait,hercountenance,wearingthatmixtureofwistfulnessandcarelessnesswhich,whenquiescent,wasthewontedcastofherlookandcharacterofherbearing.Whenanimated,thecarelessnessquitevanished,thewistfulnessbecameblentwithagenialgaiety,seasoningthelaugh,thesmile,theglance,withauniqueflavourofsentiment,sothatmirthfromherneverresembled"thecracklingofthornsunderapot." "Whatdoyoumeanbynotcomingtoseemethisafternoon,asyoupromised?"washeraddresstoCarolineassheenteredtheroom. "Iwasnotinthehumour,"repliedMissHelstone,verytruly. Shirleyhadalreadyfixedonherapenetratingeye. "No,"shesaid"Iseeyouarenotinthehumourforlovingme.Youareinoneofyoursunless,inclementmoods,whenonefeelsafellow-creature'spresenceisnotwelcometoyou.Youhavesuchmoods.Areyouawareofit?" "Doyoumeantostaylong,Shirley?" "Yes.Iamcometohavemytea,andmusthaveitbeforeIgo.Ishalltaketheliberty,then,ofremovingmybonnet,withoutbeingasked." Andthisshedid,andthenstoodontherugwithherhandsbehindher. "Aprettyexpressionyouhaveinyourcountenance,"shewenton,stillgazingkeenly,thoughnotinimically—ratherindeedpityingly—atCaroline."Wonderfullyself-supportedyoulook,yousolitude-seeking,woundeddeer.AreyouafraidShirleywillworryyouifshediscoversthatyouarehurt,andthatyoubleed?" "IneverdofearShirley." "Butsometimesyoudislikeheroftenyouavoidher.Shirleycanfeelwhensheisslightedandshunned.Ifyouhadnotwalkedhomeinthecompanyyoudidlastnight,youwouldhavebeenadifferentgirlto-day.Whattimedidyoureachtherectory?" "Byten." "Humph!Youtookthree-quartersofanhourtowalkamile.Wasityou,orMoore,wholingeredso?" "Shirley,youtalknonsense." "Hetalkednonsense—thatIdoubtnotorhelookedit,whichisathousandtimesworse.Iseethereflectionofhiseyesonyourforeheadatthismoment.Ifeeldisposedtocallhimout,ifIcouldonlygetatrustworthysecond.Ifeeldesperatelyirritated.Ifeltsolastnight,andhavefeltitallday." "Youdon'taskmewhy,"sheproceeded,afterapause,"youlittlesilent,over-modestthingandyoudon'tdeservethatIshouldpouroutmysecretsintoyourlapwithoutaninvitation.Uponmyword,IcouldhavefounditinmyhearttohavedoggedMooreyesterdayeveningwithdireintent.Ihavepistols,andcanusethem." "Stuff,Shirley!Whichwouldyouhaveshot—meorRobert?" "Neither,perhaps.Perhapsmyself—morelikelyabatoratree-bough.Heisapuppy,yourcousin—aquiet,serious,sensible,judicious,ambitiouspuppy.Iseehimstandingbeforeme,talkinghishalf-stern,half-gentletalk,bearingmedown(asIamveryconscioushedoes)withhisfixityofpurpose,etc.andthen—Ihavenopatiencewithhim!" MissKeeldarstartedoffonarapidwalkthroughtheroom,repeatingenergeticallythatshehadnopatiencewithmeningeneral,andwithhertenantinparticular. "Youaremistaken,"urgedCaroline,insomeanxiety."RobertisnopuppyormaleflirtIcanvouchforthat." "Youvouchforit!DoyouthinkI'lltakeyourwordonthesubject?Thereisnoone'stestimonyIwouldnotcreditsoonerthanyours.ToadvanceMoore'sfortuneyouwouldcutoffyourrighthand." "Butnottelllies.AndifIspeakthetruth,Imustassureyouthathewasjustciviltomelastnight—thatwasall." "Ineveraskedwhathewas.Icanguess.Isawhimfromthewindowtakeyourhandinhislongfingers,justashewentoutatmygate." "Thatisnothing.Iamnotastranger,youknow.Iamanoldacquaintance,andhiscousin." "Ifeelindignant,andthatisthelongandshortofthematter,"respondedMissKeeldar."Allmycomfort,"sheaddedpresently,"isbrokenupbyhisman?uvres.Hekeepsintrudingbetweenyouandme.Withouthimweshouldbegoodfriendsbutthatsixfeetofpuppyhoodmakesaperpetually-recurringec