CHAPTER X. OLD MAIDS.

geringdeathbedsthattoprolongedandunrelaxingattendanceonthesickthemaladythatnowpoisonedherownlifeoweditsoriginthattoonewretchedrelativeshehadbeenasupportandsuccourinthedepthsofself-earneddegradation,andthatitwasstillherhandwhichkepthimfromutterdestitution.MissHelstonestayedthewholeevening,omittingtopayherotherintendedvisitandwhensheleftMissMannitwaswiththedeterminationtotryinfuturetoexcuseherfaultsneveragaintomakelightofherpeculiaritiesortolaughatherplainnessand,aboveallthings,nottoneglecther,buttocomeonceaweek,andtoofferher,fromonehumanheartatleast,thehomageofaffectionandrespect.Shefeltshecouldnowsincerelygiveherasmalltributeofeachfeeling. Caroline,onherreturn,toldFannyshewasverygladshehadgoneout,asshefeltmuchbetterforthevisit.ThenextdayshefailednottoseekMissAinley.ThisladywasinnarrowercircumstancesthanMissMann,andherdwellingwasmorehumble.Itwas,however,ifpossible,yetmoreexquisitelyclean,thoughthedecayedgentlewomancouldnotaffordtokeepaservant,butwaitedonherself,andhadonlytheoccasionalassistanceofalittlegirlwholivedinacottagenear. NotonlywasMissAinleypoorer,butshewasevenplainerthantheotheroldmaid.Inherfirstyouthshemusthavebeenuglynow,attheageoffifty,shewasveryugly.Atfirstsight,allbutpeculiarlywell-disciplinedmindswereapttoturnfromherwithannoyance,toconceiveagainstheraprejudice,simplyonthegroundofherunattractivelook.Thenshewasprimindressandmannershelooked,spoke,andmovedthecompleteoldmaid. HerwelcometoCarolinewasformal,eveninitskindness—foritwaskindbutMissHelstoneexcusedthis.Sheknewsomethingofthebenevolenceoftheheartwhichbeatunderthatstarchedkerchiefalltheneighbourhood—atleastallthefemaleneighbourhood—knewsomethingofit.NoonespokeagainstMissAinleyexceptlivelyyounggentlemenandinconsiderateoldones,whodeclaredherhideous. Carolinewassoonathomeinthattinyparlour.Akindhandtookfromherhershawlandbonnet,andinstalledherinthemostcomfortableseatnearthefire.Theyoungandtheantiquatedwomanwerepresentlydeepinkindlyconversation,andsoonCarolinebecameawareofthepoweramostserene,unselfish,andbenignantmindcouldexerciseoverthosetowhomitwasdeveloped.Shetalkedneverofherself,alwaysofothers.Theirfaultsshepassedover.Herthemewastheirwants,whichshesoughttosupplytheirsufferings,whichshelongedtoalleviate.Shewasreligious,aprofessorofreligion—whatsomewouldcall"asaint"andshereferredtoreligionofteninsanctionedphrase—inphrasewhichthosewhopossessaperceptionoftheridiculous,withoutowningthepowerofexactlytestingandtrulyjudgingcharacter,wouldcertainlyhaveesteemedapropersubjectforsatire,amatterformimicryandlaughter.Theywouldhavebeenhugelymistakenfortheirpains.Sincerityisneverludicrousitisalwaysrespectable.Whethertruth—beitreligiousormoraltruth—speakeloquentlyandinwell-chosenlanguageornot,itsvoiceshouldbeheardwithreverence.Letthosewhocannotnicely,andwithcertainty,discernthedifferencebetweenthetonesofhypocrisyandthoseofsincerity,neverpresumetolaughatall,lesttheyshouldhavethemiserablemisfortunetolaughinthewrongplace,andcommitimpietywhentheythinktheyareachievingwit. NotfromMissAinley'sownlipsdidCarolinehearofhergoodworks,butsheknewmuchofthemnevertheless.HerbeneficencewasthefamiliartopicofthepoorinBriarfield.Theywerenotworksofalmsgiving.Theoldmaidwastoopoortogivemuch,thoughshestraitenedherselftoprivationthatshemightcontributehermitewhenneedful.TheyweretheworksofaSisterofCharity—farmoredifficulttoperformthanthoseofaLadyBountiful.Shewouldwatchbyanysick-bedsheseemedtofearnodisease.Shewouldnursethepoorestwhomnoneelsewouldnurse.Shewasserene,humble,kind,andequablethrougheverything. Forthisgoodnessshegotbutlittlerewardinthislife.Manyofthepoorbecamesoaccustomedtoherservicesthattheyhardlythankedherforthem.Therichheardthemmentionedwithwonder,butweresilent,fromasenseofshameatthedifferencebetweenhersacrificesandtheirown.Manyladies,however,respectedherdeeply.Theycouldnothelpit.Onegentleman—oneonly—gaveherhisfriendshipandperfectconfidence.ThiswasMr.Hall,thevicarofNunnely.Hesaid,andsaidtruly,thatherlifecamenearerthelifeofChristthanthatofanyotherhumanbeinghehadevermetwith.Youmustnotthink,reader,thatinsketchingMissAinley'scharacterIdepictafigmentofimagination.No.Weseektheoriginalsofsuchportraitsinreallifeonly. MissHelstonestudiedwellthemindandheartnowrevealedtoher.Shefoundnohighintellecttoadmire—theoldmaidwasmerelysensible—butshediscoveredsomuchgoodness,somuchusefulness,somuchmildness,patience,truth,thatshebentherownmindbeforeMissAinley'sinreverence.Whatwasherloveofnature,whatwashersenseofbeauty,whatwerehermorevariedandferventemotions,whatwasherdeeperpowerofthought,whatherwidercapacitytocomprehend,comparedtothepracticalexcellenceofthisgoodwoman?Momently,theyseemedonlybeautifulformsofselfishdelightmentally,shetrodthemunderfoot. ItistrueshestillfeltwithpainthatthelifewhichmadeMissAinleyhappycouldnotmakeherhappy.Pureandactiveasitwas,inherheartshedeemeditdeeplydreary,becauseitwassoloveless—toherideas,soforlorn.Yet,doubtless,shereflected,itneededonlyhabittomakeitpracticableandagreeabletoanyone.Itwasdespicable,shefelt,topinesentimentally,tocherishsecretgriefs,vainmemories,tobeinert,towasteyouthinachinglanguor,togrowolddoingnothing. "Iwillbestirmyself,"washerresolution,"andtrytobewiseifIcannotbegood." SheproceededtomakeinquiryofMissAinleyifshecouldhelpherinanything.MissAinley,gladofanassistant,toldherthatshecould,andindicatedsomepoorfamiliesinBriarfieldthatitwasdesirablesheshouldvisit,givingherlikewise,atherfurtherrequest,someworktodoforcertainpoorwomenwhohadmanychildren,andwhowereunskilledinusingtheneedleforthemselves. Carolinewenthome,laidherplans,andtookaresolvenottoswervefromthem.Sheallottedacertainportionofhertimeforhervariousstudies,andacertainportionfordoinganythingMissAinleymightdirecthertodo.TheremainderwastobespentinexercisenotamomentwastobeleftfortheindulgenceofsuchfeveredthoughtsashadpoisonedlastSundayevening. Todoherjustice,sheexecutedherplansconscientiously,perseveringly.Itwasveryhardworkatfirst—itwasevenhardworktotheend—butithelpedhertostemandkeepdownanguishitforcedhertobeemployeditforbadehertobroodandgleamsofsatisfactionchequeredhergraylifehereandtherewhenshefoundshehaddonegood,impartedpleasure,orallayedsuffering. YetImustspeaktruth.Theseeffortsbroughtherneitherhealthofbodynorcontinuedpeaceofmind.Withthemallshewasted,grewmorejoylessandmorewanwiththemallhermemorykeptharpingonthenameofRobertMooreanelegyoverthepaststillrungconstantlyinherearafunerealinwardcryhauntedandharassedhertheheavinessofabrokenspirit,andofpiningandpalsyingfaculties,settledslowonherbuoyantyouth.Winterseemedconqueringherspringthemind'ssoilanditstreasureswerefreezinggraduallytobarrenstagnation.