CHAPTER X. OLD MAIDS.

ingitsfledgling. Robert'sfeaturesandformwerewithherthesoundofhisvoicewasquitedistinctinherearhisfewcaressesseemedrenewed.Butthesejoys,beinghollow,were,erelong,crushedin.Thepicturesfaded,thevoicefailed,thevisionaryclaspmeltedchillfromherhand,andwherethewarmsealoflipshadmadeimpressonherforehead,itfeltnowasifasleetyrain-drophadfallen.Shereturnedfromanenchantedregiontotherealworld:forNunnelyWoodinJuneshesawhernarrowchamberforthesongsofbirdsinalleyssheheardtherainonhercasementforthesighofthesouthwindcamethesobofthemournfuleastandforMoore'smanlycompanionshipshehadthethinillusionofherowndimshadowonthewall.Turningfromthepalephantomwhichreflectedherselfinitsoutline,andherreverieinthedroopedattitudeofitsdimheadandcolourlesstresses,shesatdown—inactionwouldsuittheframeofmindintowhichshewasnowdeclining—shesaidtoherself,"Ihavetolive,perhaps,tillseventyyears.AsfarasIknow,Ihavegoodhealthhalfacenturyofexistencemayliebeforeme.HowamItooccupyit?WhatamItodotofilltheintervaloftimewhichspreadsbetweenmeandthegrave?" Shereflected. "Ishallnotbemarried,itappears,"shecontinued."Isuppose,asRobertdoesnotcareforme,Ishallneverhaveahusbandtolove,norlittlechildrentotakecareof.TilllatelyIhadreckonedsecurelyonthedutiesandaffectionsofwifeandmothertooccupymyexistence.Iconsidered,somehow,asamatterofcourse,thatIwasgrowinguptotheordinarydestiny,andnevertroubledmyselftoseekanyotherbutnowIperceiveplainlyImayhavebeenmistaken.ProbablyIshallbeanoldmaid.IshalllivetoseeRobertmarriedtosomeoneelse,somerichlady.Ishallnevermarry.WhatwasIcreatedfor,Iwonder?Whereismyplaceintheworld?" Shemusedagain. "Ah!Isee,"shepursuedpresently"thatisthequestionwhichmostoldmaidsarepuzzledtosolve.Otherpeoplesolveitforthembysaying,'Yourplaceistodogoodtoothers,tobehelpfulwheneverhelpiswanted.'Thatisrightinsomemeasure,andaveryconvenientdoctrineforthepeoplewhoholditbutIperceivethatcertainsetsofhumanbeingsareveryapttomaintainthatothersetsshouldgiveuptheirlivestothemandtheirservice,andthentheyrequitethembypraisetheycallthemdevotedandvirtuous.Isthisenough?Isittolive?Istherenotaterriblehollowness,mockery,want,craving,inthatexistencewhichisgivenawaytoothers,forwantofsomethingofyourowntobestowiton?Isuspectthereis.Doesvirtuelieinabnegationofself?Idonotbelieveit.Unduehumilitymakestyrannyweakconcessioncreatesselfishness.TheRomishreligionespeciallyteachesrenunciationofself,submissiontoothers,andnowherearefoundsomanygraspingtyrantsasintheranksoftheRomishpriesthood.Eachhumanbeinghashisshareofrights.Isuspectitwouldconducetothehappinessandwelfareofallifeachknewhisallotment,andheldtoitastenaciouslyasthemartyrtohiscreed.Queerthoughtsthesethatsurgeinmymind.Aretheyrightthoughts?Iamnotcertain. "Well,lifeisshortatthebest.Seventyyears,theysay,passlikeavapour,likeadreamwhenoneawakethandeverypathtrodbyhumanfeetterminatesinonebourne—thegrave,thelittlechinkinthesurfaceofthisgreatglobe,thefurrowwherethemightyhusbandmanwiththescythedepositstheseedhehasshakenfromtheripestemandthereitfalls,decays,andthenceitspringsagain,whentheworldhasrolledroundafewtimesmore.Somuchforthebody.Thesoulmeantimewingsitslongflightupward,foldsitswingsonthebrinkoftheseaoffireandglass,andgazingdownthroughtheburningclearness,findstheremirroredthevisionoftheChristian'stripleGodhead—thesovereignFather,themediatingSon,theCreatorSpirit.Suchwords,atleast,havebeenchosentoexpresswhatisinexpressible,todescribewhatbafflesdescription.Thesoul'srealhereafterwhoshallguess?" HerfirewasdecayedtoitslastcinderMalonehaddepartedandnowthestudybellrangforprayers. ThenextdayCarolinehadtospendaltogetheralone,herunclebeinggonetodinewithhisfriendDr.Boultby,vicarofWhinbury.Thewholetimeshewastalkinginwardlyinthesamestrain—lookingforwards,askingwhatshewastodowithlife.Fanny,asshepassedinandoutoftheroomoccasionally,intentonhousemaiderrands,perceivedthatheryoungmistresssatverystill.Shewasalwaysinthesameplace,alwaysbentindustriouslyoverapieceofwork.ShedidnotliftherheadtospeaktoFanny,ashercustomwasandwhenthelatterremarkedthatthedaywasfine,andsheoughttotakeawalk,sheonlysaid,"Itiscold." "Youareverydiligentatthatsewing,MissCaroline,"continuedthegirl,approachingherlittletable. "Iamtiredofit,Fanny." "Thenwhydoyougoonwithit?Putitdown.Read,ordosomethingtoamuseyou." "Itissolitaryinthishouse,Fanny.Don'tyouthinkso?" "Idon'tfinditso,miss.MeandElizaarecompanyforoneanotherbutyouarequitetoostill.Youshouldvisitmore.Now,bepersuaded:goupstairsanddressyourselfsmart,andgoandtaketea,inafriendlyway,withMissMannorMissAinley.Iamcertaineitherofthoseladieswouldbedelightedtoseeyou." "Buttheirhousesaredismal:theyarebotholdmaids.Iamcertainoldmaidsareaveryunhappyrace." "Notthey,miss.Theycan'tbeunhappytheytakesuchcareofthemselves.Theyareallselfish." "MissAinleyisnotselfish,Fanny.Sheisalwaysdoinggood.Howdevotedlykindshewastoherstep-motheraslongastheoldladylivedandnowwhensheisquitealoneintheworld,withoutbrotherorsister,oranyonetocareforher,howcharitablesheistothepoor,asfarashermeanspermit!Stillnobodythinksmuchofher,orhaspleasureingoingtoseeherandhowgentlemenalwayssneerather!" "Theyshouldn't,miss.Ibelievesheisagoodwoman.Butgentlementhinkonlyofladies'looks." "I'llgoandseeher,"exclaimedCaroline,startingup"andifsheasksmetostaytotea,I'llstay.Howwrongitistoneglectpeoplebecausetheyarenotpretty,andyoung,andmerry!AndIwillcertainlycalltoseeMissManntoo.Shemaynotbeamiable,butwhathasmadeherunamiable?Whathaslifebeentoher?" FannyhelpedMissHelstonetoputawayherwork,andafterwardsassistedhertodress. "You'llnotbeanoldmaid,MissCaroline,"shesaid,asshetiedthesashofherbrownsilkfrock,havingpreviouslysmoothedhersoft,full,andshiningcurls"therearenosignsofanoldmaidaboutyou." Carolinelookedatthelittlemirrorbeforeher,andshethoughtthereweresomesigns.Shecouldseethatshewasalteredwithinthelastmonththatthehuesofhercomplexionwerepaler,hereyeschanged—awanshadeseemedtocirclethemhercountenancewasdejected—shewasnot,inshort,soprettyorsofreshassheusedtobe.ShedistantlyhintedthistoFanny,fromwhomshegotnodirectanswer,onlyaremarkthatpeopledidvaryintheirlooks,butthatatheragealittlefallingawaysignifiednothingshewouldsooncomeroundagain,andbeplumperandrosierthanever.Havinggiventhisassurance,Fannyshowedsingularzealinwrappingherupinwarmshawlsandhandkerchiefs,tillCaroline,nearlysmotheredwiththeweight,wasfaintoresistfurtheradditions. Shepaidhervisits—firsttoMissMann,forthiswasthemostdifficultpoint.MissMannwascertainlynotquitealovableperson.Tillnow,Carolinehadalwaysunhesitatinglydeclaredshedislikedher,andmorethanonceshehadjoinedhercousinRobertinlaughingatsomeofherpeculiarities.Moorewasnothabituallygiventosarcasm,especiallyonan